[raspberrytorte]

So, as a lot of you know, right now my husband and I are separated after my recent episode. He and my daughter live five hours away with his parents. Right now I live with my parents.

Because my parents can be triggering with their drinking, etc., my husband relented and said I could join them next month, instead of the five months he originally wanted our separation to be.

This is the problem:

If I moved in with them I'd have no privacy. Seriously. Right now my husband's room is his mother's work area. And his parents have fifteen dogs, as well as running a kennel, so there would be barking dogs at five in the morning, and a sick dog coming into my husband's "room"/his mother's work area every morning, around five. Our daughter has her own room, thankfully. They have a very small house. Only place that is quiet and where you can be alone for maybe an hour is their living room around nine at night.

It just sounds like seriously miserable living conditions.

And there really wouldn't be anywhere to set up my computer permanently. So it would taking it out when I needed it and then putting it back away. How would I fb video chat with people? lol

Right now I have my own cozy room and privacy and my writing stuff sprawled out everywhere and my coloring books and pencils and Glaze and my magic eight ball. And my positive affirmations taped around and my lamp.

I'm in a healing stage after my recent episode, which was traumatizing for me, as well as my family.

So I'm really not sure what I should do here.

I'm still in a healing process, and I'm not sure if moving into conditions like that would put a halt to it.

I know this really should be simple. I want to be with my family. Move up there with his parents.

But I just worry such miserable living conditions will trigger a depressive episode.

I need my space. I'm happy with just a little corner to myself. There are no little corners I could have to myself.

I know this should be such an easy decision!

What would you guys do?

[Coffeee]

Stay with your parents and visit your daughter for chunks of time? That's a hard call.

[Ripose]

I would completely refuse to live under those conditions and I would have my child & spouse come to visit me if it is possible. Otherwise I would keep things the way they are until my spouse and child found a new place to live.

If I were in your shoes, I'd stay put. The dogs and no privacy...I couldn't do.

Can your parents be a bit more discreet with their drinking? If not, just stay in your room. Your environment.

Seeing your family more would be great. But I'd personally not move. You won't be there forever.

[jpb4815]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

So, as a lot of you know, right now my husband and I are separated after my recent episode. He and my daughter live five hours away with his parents. Right now I live with my parents.

Because my parents can be triggering with their drinking, etc., my husband relented and said I could join them next month, instead of the five months he originally wanted our separation to be.

This is the problem:

If I moved in with them I'd have no privacy. Seriously. Right now my husband's room is his mother's work area. And his parents have fifteen dogs, as well as running a kennel, so there would be barking dogs at five in the morning, and a sick dog coming into my husband's "room"/his mother's work area every morning, around five. Our daughter has her own room, thankfully. They have a very small house. Only place that is quiet and where you can be alone for maybe an hour is their living room around nine at night.

It just sounds like seriously miserable living conditions.

And there really wouldn't be anywhere to set up my computer permanently. So it would taking it out when I needed it and then putting it back away. How would I fb video chat with people? lol

Right now I have my own cozy room and privacy and my writing stuff sprawled out everywhere and my coloring books and pencils and Glaze and my magic eight ball. And my positive affirmations taped around and my lamp.

I'm in a healing stage after my recent episode, which was traumatizing for me, as well as my family.

So I'm really not sure what I should do here.

I'm still in a healing process, and I'm not sure if moving into conditions like that would put a halt to it.

I know this really should be simple. I want to be with my family. Move up there with his parents.

But I just worry such miserable living conditions will trigger a depressive episode.

I need my space. I'm happy with just a little corner to myself. There are no little corners I could have to myself.

I know this should be such an easy decision!

What would you guys do?

Raspberry you said it yourself, you are in a healing phase. Look at what happens to athletes when they try to come back to their sports too soon. They usually get reinjured. You have to do whats best for your family, but that might not be the obvious choice. Either road has its challenges, when you take yourself out of the equation and think of your child what do you want to do?

[boogiesmash]

Ras I agree stay put. You are healing right now and this seems better for you than the other choice. I can't imagine how hard it is to be away from your daughter and husband but they need you at your best. Like someone else said maybe visit for chunks at a time.

[Unrigged64072835]

I personally don't know. It is a hard call. Either put up with your parents and their drinking and attitude, or move to a place where you're going to have to lock yourself in the bathroom for moment's peace. I know your family wants you, but can you put up with no privacy? Or can you tough it out with your parents?

I know I need privacy at times but I also need less stress. It sounds like you're trading one stressful situation for another. Neither is really helpful in my book.

[raspberrytorte]

Thanks everyone for the advice.

I was awake all night thinking about this and what I should do.

I pounced on my sister when she came home from work this morning and explained the situation to her and asked her what I should do. After I explained what the living conditions would be at his parents house she gave me a horrified look. She told me that it seemed too soon for me to rejoin them.

I asked my mom about it this morning, explained living conditions, and she said: ABSOLUTELY NOT! IT'S TOO SOON! YOU'RE HEALING RIGHT NOW!!! And you have all these medical bills to figure out (my parents are paying my medical bills from my recent hospital stay, which I'm absolutely speechless about. It's so generous of them, and it's about $3000 worth of medical bills!).

And then there's my probation to think about, and how if I moved (they live five hours away) I'd have to find a new doctor, etc. And it is IMPERATIVE that I stay on my meds right now and get my shot. And I'm not even sure if with my probation I can just skip town like that. I haven't asked.

So... I've made my decision and feel pretty good about it.

I'm going to stay here and visit them for a few weeks at a time. They were going to come here anyway for my daughter's birthday on october 10th, so I'm going to visit my husband and daughter september 20th and come home on her birthday.

And it'll be perfect too because that's around doctor appointment/shot time.

This is the right decision. I'n not even doubting it. And I doubt everything and am usually very indecisive.

Thanks again everyone!