[ComfortablyNumb5]

This is kinda a rant here. I see people on here that are high functioning with good jobs and I can't even get myself to shower everyday let alone do hair and makeup for work. I lost my last two jobs from my BP and anxiety on the job. I can't work right now and I'm attempting SSI. My house is a friggin pig sty and I can't bring myself to clean. I'm not necessarily depressed but I just lack motivation all around. I started a new T last week and I like her. I got out of IP about a week and a half ago to my bf telling me he wants to leave the house. I begged him like a queen about to be beheaded to stay. He's giving me a month to prove I can stay sober and good with my meds. I haven't drank but I'm currently withdrawaling from suboxone (manufactured opioid and pure hell). I have no support from family. They didn't even come see me in the hospital after a planned OD. I have no one. I can't work. I'm an addict (but quitting now). I don't have a dime to my name. I feel like trash. No wonder my bf wants to run.

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[Daonnachd]

How often do you see your T?

This does sound like depressive thinking. Plan to talk with her about all this, in case you haven't already.

Be proud of yourself for quitting the alcohol and the suboxone (if I understood that part correctly). Focus on little things that you can do, they add up.

Envision your house as an example of fractal geometry with each tiny bit showing repetitive similarity and large scale duplication. ...I guess the other way to say it is "baby steps", but fractals are more impressive, I think.
Let's see if this works to show a fractal:

[jpb4815]

RX. You are not a loser you have a disease. It effects us all in different ways. You are going through it right now, but you can't let this period of life define you. From what you have shown me you are a kind caring compassionate individual. Things will get better, you can do this. Reach out of you need help. We are all here rooting for you. ((((Hugs)))).

I can sort of relate. I'm "moderate functioning" -- if that's a thing -- but I'm slowly declining.

But please don't feel like trash. No one is perfect. You're taking the right steps to making yourself feel better!

I can very much relate to you about the hospital thing, having my room be a pigsty, can't hold a relationship, no money, and not 100% med compliant. It's really hard... I'm not gonna lie... but you can do it! I'm working on these things myself, but they take time. I'm sure your therapist can help you work through these things. You just have to remain positive and believe that you can do it. Otherwise, you become a self-fulfilling prophecy and you'll be miserable... which is why I don't think you should think of yourself like trash.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Because of transportation, I see my T every two weeks. With my T I'm going to work on my relationship with my bf and how to cope with current life situations. I know it sounds like I'm depressed, maybe I am. But that's all from my situations and when you go through WD from a drug, you get very depressed so who knows. No meds can fix this. I just have to stay clean and strong

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[jpb4815]

It gets better RX. I have been opiate free for 6 months now. It was hard at first but it gets better. You are stronger than any substance. We are all miracles, we just need a reminder from time to time.

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[Nammu]

Right now it's the addiction that is the number one problem, the BP is going to make it harder to stop but it's the addiction that making life so hard right now.

[Gabyunbound]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

Because of transportation, I see my T every two weeks. With my T I'm going to work on my relationship with my bf and how to cope with current life situations. I know it sounds like I'm depressed, maybe I am. But that's all from my situations and when you go through WD from a drug, you get very depressed so who knows. No meds can fix this. I just have to stay clean and strong

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You ARE strong, you can do this!

[hopeless2015]

RX you can do this, give yourself credit for the steps you've made so far and you have to take one step at a time. None of us can fix everything all at once. I'm a mess to but just keep trying....it takes time

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[Spaceyspace]

I've been where you are, recently actually. I am newly sober and knowing I put my husband and family through so much is my motivation to stay sober. Until my recent med change I wasn't showering or doing a good job cleaning. Then I'd get manic and be off in outer space. It will get better when you see your pdoc be specific about how you are feeling and how you are coping, same with your t too.

[venusss]

You may have a bad period now, but it´s not who you are. The high functioning people didn't start that way, most of us gotten there through hard work and life experience.

You can do it. Slowly, find your place... and it will all come.

[Unrigged64072835]

It's hard right now, but baby steps will get you there. Just do little bits at a time. Just live in the moment. You'll get through this. Take gentle care of yourself.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Thank you so much everyone! I just woke up and read the responses and it made my day already.

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[JustJace2u]

Thinking of you and sending lots of hugs and positive thoughts and prayers your way.

[OctobersBlackRose]

You are not.a.loser, you're just going through a rough patch right now. Sending your lots of warm thoughts and hugs.

[xRavenx]

After reading all you have gone through, I immediately thought to myself: wow, you have a lot of strength! I agree with everyone here: your mental health issues do not define you! ((HUGS)) Wishing you well and that you'll start to discover your inner strength and qualities, but of course, healing is a process.

[BipolaRNurse]

Many ((((HUGS)))) to you. You are not a loser!

[RomanJames2014]

I am where you are right now.
I have always been one to let life go smoothly until lately.

My life kind of turned upside down and it was a mixture of me letting it because of bipolar and my bipolar causing it.

I will be taking a long break from school and alot of time off of work. This is not the normal me, i just cant deal with this life stuff anymore.

[raspberrytorte]

Hugs, rx.

I can relate. I managed to completely destroy my life. Right now bp is kicking my *** too.

Not that I don't take responsibility for my actions obviously, but I plead insanity.

Don't feel like trash.

I'm sure it'll get better.