Depression won't let me go

For over two months I have been depressed, and lately it has been getting much worse. Before that I had a horror mixed episode. I haven't felt stable in a long time and I am getting tired of it all. My pdoc put me on Cymbalta two weeks ago and all I feel is more exhausted and anxious. Lamogtrogine (lamictal) didn't help, neither did Prozac. I see my pdoc in two weeks but I don't know what else can be done. I feel deep despair and hopelessness.

Every morning I wake exhausted, deeply depressed and very sore all over my body (I have Fibromyalgia). This is after 9 hours sleep. Ritalin picks me up from about 11am to 5pm but I am still barely functional. Somehow I manage to study one unit and work part time. Tonight at work I felt panic and dissociation. I wanted to run but managed to stay due to Clonazepam. It is getting worse. I feel so alone. I guess I wrote this to get some support.

I do all I can to manage the depression. I exercise, eat well, socialise, do things I used to enjoy(I enjoy nothing right now), meditate and keep up with study and work. Doing all this is an extreme struggle. My motivation is so low. I don't know how much longer I can keep going. I am so overwhelmed. But i will continue to fight. I don't want to give up. Still, I feel myself getting more unwell. What do I do?

No real words of wisdom, but I send lots of your way.

((((( WANDER ))))))


WC

I've been there. So sorry you are dealing with this

Sending more hugs, can you try calling your pdoc....

Often, my depressions get more severe the more I try to ignore them and go on as if I'm not depressed. My T told me to think about everything I was trying to keep up with, and figure out what was essential and what wasn't. Then, allow myself to take the pressure off for all the things that weren't absolutely essential.

You know what? My depressed episodes still come, of course, but they're shorter in duration sometimes because I just let go of being stressed about the depression, if/when it will end, and trying to keep up with my normal life when I'm not feeling well. Before I tried this, every downward turn in mood would end in depression. I had episodes that lasted years. Now, I still get freaked out when I start to turn downwards, but I've had a number of episodes that lasted a few days or a week...I'd never experienced that before. I think a lot of it has to do with just letting myself ride that out without trying to push it away by pretending it's not there. The lows are still really low, and when I'm in them I can't remember what it's like when I'm not depressed - it seems like I've always been that way and I'll never not be that way. But they do end, and sooner than they used to. This is still a relatively new approach for me, so I'm not sure if it will last. But, for now, it's working better than other things I've tried.

Is there anything you're trying to make yourself do all the time that isn't necessary? Something you could let go of while you're not feeling well just to relieve the pressure of keeping up with so much?

Hugs, wander.

I don't have words of wisdom. I just hope you start feeling better soon.

Just wanted to send more hugs.

Sending you big hugs

Sending you hugs (((((Wander))))). I do hope you find a way out of your depression soon.

Have you been on an MAOI? That was what really helped depression for me when no other med did. I'm on the Emsam (selegiline) patch and it has been working pretty well for 7 years now. Before that I was on every AD that was out there except a few tricyclics and the other MAOIs and nothing helped for long.

I am sorry you are going through this.

My life has been changed by: Latuda-- the new Latin dance craze!

Latuda has been a lifesaver for me. I have had treatment-resistant depression and C-PTSD related dissociation. I used to refuse this class of drugs. I then tried a few. Seriously, I was more than ready to quit life and Latuda has caused me to feel somewhat hopeful. Although things are far from perfect, this is the best summer I have had in 15 years or so.

I only hope it does not poop-out on me!

Maybe you have tried Latuda?


WC

Thanks. My pdoc is on holidays and won't be back until the 22nd, which is the day I see him. There is an on call Pdoc I can contact if things get urgent. I would rather see mine if I can wait it out.

Thanks. I am trying to do only what I have to do and I do have a decent amount of downtime. I am just struggling to keep up with the basics now. Showering, eating, work, study. I am gentle on myself. My ability to function is faltering. I may need to drop more activities, even take time off work, if this gets worse.

No I haven't tried a MAOI. I might mention that to my pdoc. Thanks.

I am on Latuda. Well, coming off it now as it didn't help. I was on 120mg, now I am on 20mg. Weaning off slowly. Thanks for the idea though.

The on-call doc is there for a reason. They will have your chart and can make recommendations for you, even if they don't change your meds. I'd give them a call if I were you.

I am sorry that you are struggling so.
What has helped you before...
walking exercising, talk therapy, therapist, friend, family? church?
what tools do you have to help?
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Thanks. I think I am using all the tools I have as best as I can in this state. Today I went out for a picnic with my family in a beautiful place by a river. It was very hard getting myself out there but I am glad I did. Still I feel empty. I have tried contacting a few friends to chat but have got little response. I think people are tired of hearing me unwell. My parents are my best support. As I find it so difficult to shop or cook my Mum cooks me meals and freezes them. I basically live off them. I don't eat much.

My T is an amazing support and I can call him if things get desperate. I see him weekly. Being so depleted of energy is making exercise much more difficult but I did manage a long walk today. I wake up like the living dead. Deeply depressed, anxious, exhausted and very sore all over my body. I am sleeping well but it doesn't seem to help.

Do deep depressions pass on their own? Do I just need time? The meds I take just don't work for depression. I have even tried ECT in the past and it only partially worked. Maybe the Cymbalta is making it worse...idk. Maybe I need another AD.

Oh well, study then rest tonight. Work all day tomorrow. Hopefully I can maintain functioning at at least this level. Going on how I felt this morning, if this gets any worse I might need IP. My thoughts are getting dark.