[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

...and there are so many seams! I don't know what to do with this feeling - it's like a leaden weight all throughout my lower ribcage, and somehow at the same time it feels like it's going to burst or explode outward in all directions! I can focus on reading, but anytime I'm not actively distracting my mind, the anxiety is really powerful, and with no particular focus. The, out of nowhere, I just drop into tears, again with no focus. And all the physical feelings of this...they're just so URGENT. I'm trying to focus my breathing, but it's not working. I was driving, and I started to rhythmically hit my head backwards into my headrest - that provided some relief. But I'm home now, with my kids, and I can't get a handle on this. I'm in my room, in my bed. I told them I don't feel well, and we don't have anything else going on today; I just have to get through dinner and bedtime, and then I can sort of fall apart, I guess, as long as I can put myself together again before they're up in the morning. I gave myself an out with the 2 plans we had made for tomorrow; will probably cancel those in the morning. It's been days of building this - more than a week. I was trying so hard to keep it at bay. Why won't this STOP!?!?!?!??!?!

[Skeezyks]

Hello NoIdeaWhatToDo: I'm sorry you are struggling. I just wanted to leave a note with my best wishes. Hope things can begin to improve for you soon...

[JustJace2u]

Sending lots of love and hugs your way.

Awwww, what a terrible feeling! (((((((((NoIdeaWhatToDo))))))))

[Gs550]

I'm sorry you feel so bad. I hope things settle down for you soon.

[mtnannie]

My t would say to stop fighting it and worrying about how you will cope in the future and just focus on how you are coping in the moment. This, of course, is easier said than done, but has helped me before. Wishing you well.

[Unrigged64072835]

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time.

[Yours_Truly]

I know how you feel. I wish you had a script for something to help. Just keep on deep breathing & distracting. We're hear for you.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Sending you Hugs.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

Thanks for all the supportive words, you guys. I need it.

Was feeling a little better this morning and had determined to go to my class at the gym. Then I realized it was my husband's aunt's birthday today - we were very close to her, and we lost her in July. I realized this is the start of all the 'firsts' without her (first birthday, first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, etc.) and that's a painful path to go down.

Checked my email, and I had a message from my brother; he lost a friend in his squadron today/yesterday (time difference, I'm not sure). The man was really young with a wife, child, and one on the way. I can't stop thinking about her getting the news and what it's going to do to her and their kids.

Still decided to go to the gym; was trying to hold it together and keep focused. Pulling out of the garage, I felt the car bump over something and heard my dog yelp! He was clear when we got in the car, but he's old & deaf and must have moved close to one of the tires. He can't hear the car, and he must have been looking away when I started to back up. I jumped out quickly to check on him; he's fine (thank goodness!). I think I just caught his hind foot. He's not limping or anything, but it fractured the hold I had on myself.

Of all of this, I can't get the thoughts of that man's poor family, and how wrecked my brother and the rest of his squadron are, out of my head. Tough day again...