Does anyone else find work triggering? (Or if you're on disability, *did* you find work triggering?)

My boss is a total asshole and says asshole things to me quite often. He says asshole things to other people too, so it's not just me. I think that's just his nature.

One thing he recently said to me was, "Your performance fluctuates. That's not okay." Since I'm rapid cycling, of course my performance constantly fluctuates! But the thing is, I'm still one of the top employees in my tier despite fluctuations in my performance. (i.e., he's b#tching about nothing.) So despite my high achievements, he said I get no bonus, raise, or promotion because of the fluctuation in performance.

That sort of stuff triggers me because it makes me so mad. The other things that triggers me are big, impending deadlines. Most people on my team don't have their sh#t together, so everything is done at the last minute and it's super stressful for me because I'm waiting on them to do their parts! Talk about getting the short end of the stick...

But no, I have not told him about my BP. I think he's sort of noticed something is going on, though.

[raspberrytorte]

Yes I found work triggering.

Your boss is an ***.

[violetgreen]

Sure, different jobs have different triggers. Currently I share a small, stuffy office with a very stinky person. Whole office knows, but I get to deal with it triggering my anxiety and ocd, even when I'm not at work. So, I'm looking for a different job.

[bizi]

I am sorry for no raise this year...seems really unfair.
You are good worker and it sounds like you have your stuff together and wait on others...I was never a team player.
bizi

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Does anyone else find work triggering? (Or if you're on disability, *did* you find work triggering?)


My boss is a total asshole and says asshole things to me quite often. He says asshole things to other people too, so it's not just me. I think that's just his nature.


One thing he recently said to me was, "Your performance fluctuates. That's not okay." Since I'm rapid cycling, of course my performance constantly fluctuates! But the thing is, I'm still one of the top employees in my tier despite fluctuations in my performance. (i.e., he's b#tching about nothing.) So despite my high achievements, he said I get no bonus, raise, or promotion because of the fluctuation in performance.


That sort of stuff triggers me because it makes me so mad. The other things that triggers me are big, impending deadlines. Most people on my team don't have their sh#t together, so everything is done at the last minute and it's super stressful for me because I'm waiting on them to do their parts! Talk about getting the short end of the stick...


But no, I have not told him about my BP. I think he's sort of noticed something is going on, though.

My job was like that but worse. I did start getting behind in work. I would be at work working on one thing then I would put it down and work on something else. My voicemail was full. My email was full. I had emails from my sup saying my reports were wrong. He had attached them for me to re-do. I thought I had ADD. I had been working there for almost four years. I was the top leader of the dept and went to the bottom. I remember being called into a meeting to be put on probation. I broke down crying and told them something was wrong with me and I did not know what it was. They told me to take a day or so off work. I went to my primary and was wrongly diagnosed. They gave me an antidepressant. My behavior got worse...I was snapping at people, not sleeping, spending money, driving crazy, having sex with my frnd like it was going out of style....I was manic at this point. I ended up getting fired. I received a second diagnosis and learned I was bipolar 1 and later schizoaffective. This was my last job. I now get disability

[Theseus]

Yes, my job is a trigger to bring out the worst in me. The person I report to now is a colossally condescending, doesn't-know-how-to-talk-to-people, micro-managing, nit-picking pain in the *** and consummate *****. My former boss, best friend and "big brother" was part of a lay-off, as I was also supposed to be.

I hate coming to work. For the most part I like what I do, the company and the people I work with, but I cannot abide her. I made the decision to stay after being virtually begged by a few execs to stay on after the layoff, because I am the only one who does what I do and knows what I know. I passed up a handsome severance package.

I knew what she is like, but I thought I could work around it and overlook it. I do have the "you need me, I don't need you" card to play, but I am reluctant to play it unless I am pushed to it. I know this situation is taking a toll on my physical and mental health. To go somewhere else after 19 years is not wise either: "better the devil you know than the devil you don't".

[jpb4815]

My job can be triggering, I like you Blue am a software dev, we always seem to put of stuff until the last moment. Then we race to get everything done, it is so not good for my psychological condition. Then my immediate manager let go of all of her direct reports and we got this new one. It is not the same. My last manager knew my deal, had a sister w BP2 and worked with me to keep me successful regardless of my mental state. This new guy is all about numbers and streamlining things. I know that it os good to do those things, but a bit of humanity with it would be a nice thing.

Don't be afraid to advocate for yourself Blue, if you feel that you deserve a raise bring details to your next performance review, keep track of all of the time you spend waiting for others. It is a hard field to navigate your way up in also. there are a lot of mid level programmers needed, so sometimes it seems like we need to be superheroes just to get noticed.

[venusss]

somewhat. But since I do a do-gooder work, which makes me sound really cool when I talk about it.... (and the second job at least sounds good, is intellectually stimulating and helpful in the end)... it gives my life purpose and keeps me going.

(only, they should totally double my salary. Then I would not be triggered at all. Or at least could afford to buy shoes and make up that would help me cope).

[Unrigged64072835]

I was definitely triggered at my last job. My boss didn't know what I was doing, but I was the only one doing it so I couldn't go to anyone else. My customers demanded the universe but I also had a bureaucracy that was narrow in their scope. It was constantly being between a rock and a hard place. When my customers couldn't get what they want they would jump over me and make me look bad. It was very frustrating. I miss my colleagues though.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

My boss is triggering, but in a different way. I believe she is un-DX BP1. We had a health consultant once that mentioned it to her, but she responded by telling us all what the woman said, and then essentially saying the woman had no idea what she was talking about, was obviously pushing a personal agenda, and what a huge failure that employee wellness effort was - despite the fact that the woman was using some pretty standardized, objective assessments.

Anyway, when my boss is up, the workload rises dramatically, and much of it is going to be pointless. She has a million ideas, and our staff just starts working on them until she figures out that they're not worthwhile any longer. She also gets extremely paranoid and sees the world solely as though it revolves around her personally. Every contact she has with people is rehashed in every meeting (I get to hear the same EXACT story, dramatized in the same EXACT way about 4-6 times). It always includes how they've figured out how important our agency is in the community and how they crossed her and are now falling over themselves trying to make it up to her; or they walked into a public meeting, saw her and panicked because they knew they couldn't get away with whatever they were obviously plotting before they saw she was there to prevent it. Sometimes, it's that she sat with someone, and somehow that means that this person and their agency will no longer support another 'rival' (in her mind) agency any longer (despite a 30+ year history of this not coming to fruition any time she foresees it). It's exhausting and very triggering for me. I can't stand to be around people who think they know everything that others are thinking/doing, especially those who can't think outside themselves for a second to consider whether a smile to her might just be a friendly acknowledgment or hello to her, rather than a sly, personal message that they're now in her pocket to destroy whatever enemy has crossed her now.

On the flip side, when she's down, she gets stuck in this victim mindset where she has done nothing but turn the other cheek for others, always taking the high road, and is taken advantage of and despised in the worst way by others. She has it in her mind that another person on our team (who, in reality, does most of my boss's workload and is critical to our organization's functioning) stabbed her in the back by making her handle an HR issue that was personal to her. She breaks down in professional meetings with people outside our agency (usually her, me and one or two other 'close' people we collaborate with), crying and rehashing how she now has to put on a brave face and work side by side with people on her team who BETRAYED her. It's disgusting and makes me furious that she would do that, whether its how she truly feels because she can't see outside of herself or if it's because she's deliberately and blindly manipulative to position people on her 'side'. Either way, it's completely bizarre, unprofessional, and untrue...and very uncomfortable for me to be present for.

UGH. Luckily, I work from home, so outside of scheduled phone meetings with her and the rest of our team or in-person meetings a couple times a year, I can avoid a lot of this. But I still get highly anxious every time we have a meeting and she starts talking.

[scatterbrained04]

Yeah very. I work in management. I get dumped on from people above and below me. Which is literally includes everyone employed in my company. My job probably triggers half my episodes.

[mindwrench]

The most triggering jobs i have had were sales positions dealing with the general public, so I have mostly avoided those and did more field service work. I have had some jobs where I really liked my boss, and if they had an off day or bad mood and said something to me or acted towards me it would tear me up, and I struggled to not walk off the job, I did walk off several due to that. That's probably been the most triggering for me is dealing with people. Strangers can set me off by being mean. People i work with that I like often set me off if I think they were rude to me or mad at me, or just don't care about me. I always seem to be looking for relationships in people where there are not any, and am hurt every time I am reminded they don't care about me.

[BipolaRNurse]

My BP was triggered repeatedly by work stress. This is part of the reason why I'm on disability now. Since I haven't had to work, I've become stable; but whenever I even think about going for a job I break out in a sweat and my heart races, as do my thoughts. I haven't worked in 2 1/2 years and doubt I ever will again, unless it's something I can do from home like writing.

[wildflowerchild25]

My last job triggered my BP constantly. I think it was a big part of why I got symptomatic again after such a long period of remission. My first year there was ok with the students, but I was CONSTANTLY shat upon by a couple of my coworkers. They talked about me behind my back And complained about me to administration. They were so negative all the time. After it was clear that I wasn't going anywhere and they couldn't drive me out, they flipped sides and became my allies. Except the one would just then come into my room to talk **** about everyone else to me.

After a couple of years it wasn't my coworkers that stressed me out, it was the students. Because of their emotional problems they would curse me out, call me fat, call me ugly, call me stupid. They would complain that the lessons were stupid and refuse to participate. They would break stuff in the classroom. And the level of violence was serious. I was never attacked but other teachers were, and the violence I witnessed between students was very triggering. One time a student attacked another student and slammed his face on the corner of my desk, taking a big chuncm out of his face and covering my classroom in blood. It was disturbing. By the end, even though I was stable, I just couldn't face it anymore. Every day I had to give myself a Pep talk to get out of bed and face the day. Every day I would get to work and attempt to do a lesson and just say **** it halfway through and let the kids do whatever. It wasn't fair to them. I just didn't have it in me anymore.

Thankfully I found a job as a special ed teacher in a public school district and it's going much better. still no episodes, even though it's only been a month. The job is still stressful because teaching is just stressful but it's not nearly as bad as it was. I don't have to convince myself to go to work every day (well, a little bit because I'm not a morning person and I hate getting up early lol) and I'm not just waiting for the day to be over. And I can actually teach! I have some behavior issues in my second block class but just disruption and immaturity, not violence and disrespect. I can still get **** done. My biggest problem right now is the paperwork! It's a lot to deal with. There's a lot more regulation in the public school because of state standards and such. But I'm much, much happier.

For now I'm stable, if I destabilize again I'm not sure what will happen, but I'm just hoping the meds keep working.