[franz kafka]

What do you do when you have stuff to tell your pdoc but you are paranoid that they're going to hurt you in some way? I have a meeting set up for tomorrow but I'm terrified to tell him what's been going on. I don't know if I can trust him.

[junkDNA]

hurt you in what way?

[franz kafka]

I don't know. I just feel like I can't trust him and the meds he'll give me are poison.

[mindwrench]

I'm supposed to see a pdoc in the near future. I don't trust them either, and plan to just go to see how they act and what drugs they try to push. If your pdoc is at the same place your T is then they will see your T's notes. At least that's how it is where I go.

I don't know what I do. Last time I was paranoid like this I was put in the hospital and only took the meds because I knew they wouldn't let me out otherwise. I also didn't care if the meds killed me because everything was so distorted it just didn't matter....so I took the meds and something must have clicked and things became clearer and I began seeing the meds as a tool rather than a threat.

I wish I had advise for you but I don't really know what changed my perspective for certain. (((Hugs)))

[HALLIEBETH87]

He meds come from a trained pharmacist and they wouldn't hurt you for any reason

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by franz kafka

I don't know. I just feel like I can't trust him and the meds he'll give me are poison.

what do you think his reasons for doing that would be? it is highly unlikely

[franz kafka]

I don't know his reason; I just feel like he's bad and I can't trust him. I talked to tdoc she is going to talk to him today for me, and she said to email him instead of talking. I'm worried about that too though.

I felt my doctor was "in on it". What "it" was changed a few times...but I knew he was part of a group of people or aliens who were trying to drive me crazy in various ways. I definately understand thinking he's "bad" my doctors faces, body language and voice changed into something threatening. Anyone who argued against my delusions became "part of it". Otherwise, why would they be protecting these people and denying what I obviously saw. It's very confusing. I agree with the other poster that you don't seem too out of it....but do your best to tell your doctor everything you are feeling if you can manage it. They can't help you if they don't know what's wrong and it sounds like you know you need help. (((Hugs)))

[BipolaRNurse]

There have been a couple of times during manic episodes when I was paranoid that my pdoc was going to put me in the hospital. I was scared to death he was plotting to commit me so I wouldn't tell him how bad things really were. It wasn't until I'd come back down to earth that I realized how hard he'd worked to keep me OUT of the hospital, using PRNs and increasing my anti-psychotics to get the mania under control. My pdoc was awesome and he would never have done anything to harm me, but it sure seemed like it at the time.