The note I'm taking to my T

Here it is. Let me know if you think it warrants hospitalization...
Also let me know if you think I forgot something from all the threads I've posted.

I tried to reconnect with the way I felt before by cleaning a few things and putting up the laundry. ( She asked me to try to get back in a positive mood, I had been hypomanic I saw here so I told her about the energy ) It didn't work.

I still feel depressed. And I'm still hearing and seeing things.

For some reason I've feeling a bit paranoid. I'm convinced that my house is bugged and I'm being watched. I feel like I'm being watched through the camera on my phone and my webcam specifically. Also by the cars outside. This has been happening since the middle of September.

Sometimes it feels like my family has been replaced.

And sometimes I feel like my meds are fake and I shouldn't take them. I still do though. This has been happening for awhile.

All of this has happened since before I was put on seroquel.

I didn't do anything drastic impulsively. (Spent a bunch of money while I was hypo)

Crappola! I don't know now. Didn't you mention wanting to harm yourself or no? Are you getting any of those type thought?

I was hospitalized the last time I was like you (I was being stalked by a religious organization) and they were following me via Internet, TV, audiobooks. They were also contacting and threatening me using these means). They were inside, they were outside. Unfortunately they were in the hospital too for me. I never told them I wanted to harm myself as I knew that could get me committed and they hospitalized me anyways.

It depends on how much all these things are bothering you. Can your pdoc call in a script? If your not scared or suicidal I'd try holding out on the hospital.

I'm kinda leaning with MM. I really thought there was more.....or you said you just can't take it anymore or something. I prefer being home when I'm in a similar place (I also have a husband who is a trained mental health professional with loads of training and experience, so my situation is different from most. My husband prefers me home too. but the hospital felt different and I just don't know who is right.

What do you think?

I do have suicidal thoughts but I didn't want to mention them. :/ The things that are hitting me hard is the paranoia and seeing things that I sometimes don't know if they're real or not.

Then it's time to go to the hospital.

It was true that I couldn't handle it anymore: the paranoia and hallucinations also feeling a bit suicidal

I downplayed my note honestly....I don't want her to think I'm absolutely crazy.

That was not good.
bizi

You are honest with us here and nothing bad happened, ....be honest there and nothing bad will happen. (((Hugs)))

Best to go in to get your meds adjusted while it's still your choice.

Yes, it's much smoother if you go willingly and they treat you better too.

I don't know what to write then. I know how I feel but I'm bad at putting things into words. Plus I like my notes to be clean, in order, explaining things in detail.

If you go to the hospital take your note and tell them your suicidal at times too.

I agree with MM. That is all you need to do. Tell them you feel like you can't take it anymore and are getting some SI thoughts.

Alright I'll try. If I'm sent to the hospital will I be able to go home and pack first? I don't want to pack if I end up just being sent home. I'm so worried about what my mom is going to think of me.

When do you see T?
I always pack before going to appointment because going home may not be an option.

My appointment is the 7th. The hospital is literally like a 2 minute drive from my doctor. I would hope I would be trusted enough to go home first.

No, in most cases they will not let you go home if they feel you are a danger to yourself....it would be a possible liability for one. Your mom can bring you stuff though. That is what happened in my case and one time I was hours away so I couldn't get anyone to bring me stuff (didn't feel comfortable asking). The hospital had everything I really needed though....I wasn't in any frame of mind to require more than the basic.

I'm going to be honest. If you are suicidal, hallucinating and things are getting as hard as they sound you need the hospital sooner rather then later. Go to the ER and let them deal with it. You'll probably out before the 7th.

I have to wait until the 7th since that's the only day my mom is off work. I guess I'll have her bring my things.

I want to bring my own pillow and blanket but I'm afraid of the germs. I'm really strict about how clean my things are. What should I do?

I think you should stop worrying so much, you'll be fine. You said your doctor is 2 miles away....can you walk, jog, run to the hospital now? Call an ambulance. You will just keep coming up with something to stop you if you keep thinking. It's a band-aid....rip it off and do the right thing for yourself.

I know I shouldn't worry so much but I can't help it lol. The hospital is 2 miles from the doctor. I live quite far from the doctor.

I know....it's impossible to stop worrying. Did you contact DocJon to see if you qualify for money for a taxi?

Worrying is the worst. I did not contact them yet. My mom insists she can get the money and is trying to get my step dad to help even though he thinks my appointments are a waste.

My mom just thinks I need a ride to my pdoc. I haven't told her about the hospital yet. I'm going to do it tomorrow since she works the late shift and I'll have more time to talk to her. It's much easier to tell her about my problems over text. Much less stress and I have time to think of what to say.