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#1
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This evening I saw my pdoc. I have been very suicidal to the point of a plan. He talked with me for some time and assessed I was not an imminent threat so instead gave me 20mg of Olanzapine and 2mg of Clonazepam to calm me down. If that doesn't work I will be given more, and if that does;t work I will be put on one on one supervision then transferred to a locked ward.
I am so scared of my mind. i can't write much now as i struggle with words but I really need some encouragement. I am in the depths of darkness and can see no way out. On the weekend I was euphoric manic. Wish I could be that way forever as it kept me safe. Now I am not safe.
__________________
Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD ![]() "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
![]() Anonymous41403, Anonymous45023, Anonymous59125, bizi, jpb4815, JustJace2u, whoamihere, Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25
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#2
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I'm sorry you are struggling so much. Good for you for being honest with him. Hope things get better without the locked ward.
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#3
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Sorry to hear you going through that pain. Hope things get better for you soon.
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![]() Wild Coyote
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![]() bizi, Wander, Wild Coyote
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#4
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I'm so sorry...sending hugs!!
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Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
![]() Wild Coyote
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![]() bizi, Wander, Wild Coyote
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#5
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Sorry you are going through this. I know when you are depressed it's hard to see things getting better but hang on it usually turns around at some point. Sending hugs and wishes for better days.
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Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin "Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha ![]() |
![]() Wild Coyote
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![]() bizi, Wander, Wild Coyote
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#6
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I'm glad your IP. Hopefully the meds work and you wont be transferred.
__________________
Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
![]() Wild Coyote
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![]() bizi, Wander, Wild Coyote
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#7
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It's a good thing you are IP. They will get this figured out for you. I am so very sorry you feel so low right now. I'm sure the contrast from before makes it even more difficult. Stay safe and we are here if you need us. (((Hugs)))
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![]() Wild Coyote
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![]() bizi, Wild Coyote
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#8
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I'm so sorry to hear, I know you've been struggling for so long. I truly hope the meds work for you and give you some relief. It's good you didn't discharge last week during your mania. I'm glad you are somewhere safe. I'm sending you hugs and positive energy and I hope so bad for you that things improve soon.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
![]() Anonymous59125, Wild Coyote
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![]() bizi, Wander, Wild Coyote
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#9
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Thanks for the support everyone, I really need it as I feel so alone i my hospital room. Apart from my parents no one has visited me in 13 days. My 'friends' just don't care or don't get it. Today I want to die, the pain is unbearable...but I will resist the urge and take the large doses of Clonazepam and Xyprexa they are giving me. I can stop welling up with tears. This needs to stop, the mental state I am in, as it is too powerful for me to fight for long.
Odd thing is, I don't really feel depressed. Ohh, I am so fed up trying ti figure our where i am on the BP spectrum. I am basically in the middle of the ****ed Zone. Who cares anyway as long as my dr can treat me. His plan is to hit me hard with meds for a few days and hopefully shut down the angry, vengeful, grandiose, delusional, crazy wild-eyed part of me. We hope I will then be back to 'normal' and can heal from there. Right now I don't care but I do hope progress can be made. My doctor has hope for me, my T has hope for me - I hold none.
__________________
Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD ![]() "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
![]() Anonymous41403, bizi, Wild Coyote
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![]() bizi, Wild Coyote
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#10
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bless your heart my dear.
((((HUGS))))) bizi we have hope for you too.
__________________
lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
![]() Wild Coyote
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![]() Wander, Wild Coyote
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#11
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So very sorry you're struggling so much. I'm so glad you're someplace safe tho. Please hang in there. Thinking of you.
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![]() Wild Coyote
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![]() bizi, Wander, Wild Coyote
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#12
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Quote:
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#13
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Is any one up to chatting on PM? I need some distraction
__________________
Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD ![]() "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
![]() bizi, Wild Coyote
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#14
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I would say yes but I'm heading to nap again. I should be up soon though. (((Hugs)))
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![]() Wild Coyote
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![]() bizi, Wander
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#15
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I would say yes but I'm getting ready to make dinner soon. I can later tho.
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![]() bizi
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#16
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Okay, I will be able to chat for hours except for the times I see a nurse. PM me anytime. No pressure though.
__________________
Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD ![]() "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
![]() Wild Coyote
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![]() bizi
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#17
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Things will get better for you I just know it!! Sending big hugs!
__________________
Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
![]() Wild Coyote
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![]() bizi, Wander
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#18
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((((((( massive hugs )))))))
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
![]() Wild Coyote
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![]() bizi, Wander
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#19
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Hey wander. have you checked out the chat rooms here? there are usually people there night and day who want to chat. I hope you will visit them.
bizi
__________________
lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
![]() Wild Coyote
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#20
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Thanks for the idea.. I have never used the chat rooms
__________________
Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD ![]() "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
![]() bizi, Wild Coyote
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#21
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are you still on ritalin?
bizi
__________________
lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
![]() Wild Coyote
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#22
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Yes. My dose was halved from 60mg-30mg a day when I came into hospital.
Why?
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Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD ![]() "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
#23
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My understanding is that it can much like antidepressants in that it can trigger mania.
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![]() Wild Coyote
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#24
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Quote:
He took me off Cymbalta though as he thought that may have triggered the mania/mixed. That was the most likely culprit.
__________________
Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD ![]() "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
![]() Wild Coyote
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![]() bizi
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#25
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I think I would ask to be taken off the ritalin.
bizi
__________________
lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
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