[BipolaRNurse]

For only the second time in my life, I am dreading the holidays. Thanksgiving was all right, but facing this first Christmas without my husband is breaking my heart. I don't know what to do with these feelings. I have absolutely NO interest in decorating or buying gifts, and other than the year when we lost everything (2014), I've always loved this season and gone all out to make the perfect Christmas for everyone. I'm not depressed; I am merely very sad, and the sooner we get through the holidays the better I'll feel. Anyone else experiencing something similar?

[bizi]

I am so sorry that you feel this way. Any children in your life that can make a difference?
hugs to you dear lady
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

(((((((((BipolaRNurse))))))))) I used to be pretty into it, but don't do the holidays anymore. It's understandable you would feel such a way this year. May the holidays go by smoothly and quickly for you.

[BipolaRNurse]

Originally Posted by bizi

I am so sorry that you feel this way. Any children in your life that can make a difference?
hugs to you dear lady
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I live with my son and son-in-law, who love and care for me. My other kids are also in fairly frequent contact...all of which helps me a lot. It's just that everyone is "coupled" except for me and my son's mother-in-law (who also lives with us) and I'm feeling pretty lonely right now. I know I'm blessed, so many widows have much, much less support
than I do, but it still hurts to be without my love.

[bizi]

I know that you are missing the love of your life.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

[Unrigged64072835]

It's hard, I know. I lost my second husband before Christmas, and it's still hard sometimes.

[JustJace2u]

After having spent a few days with my folks at Thanksgiving this year, for the first time in about 10 years, I am now dreading seeing them at Christmas. Usually the holidays are a happy time, but this year it feels completely different. I feel numb, as if there is no feeling at all. I really just want this all to end.

[BastetsMuse]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

. Anyone else experiencing something similar?

My daughter won't be with me for Christmas, and aside from mailing her a gift and making lasagne for the holiday, it's just another day.

Let me tell you something funny... I'm single and the ONLY holiday I don't hate is Valentine's Day. (Maybe it's something about those yummy chocolates...)

So besides Valentine's Day, I usually feel pretty alone during the holidays even though I'm always with people. It's just a different kind of loneliness... one in which you feel that people cannot relate to you... like you're the only one who feels the way you do, and that no one understands.

I don't have any advice, but I usually find ways to distract myself. I be selfish for the day and treat myself.

[leejosepho]

Years ago my wife and I did some things we knew we would eventually be unable to do even if still here together, and now we have those memories we share and that either or us will eventually be able to remember sharing twice. If you have not already made albums of memories, I would begin there and then be certain to have those with you to share with curious grandchildren and/or considerate others.

[wildflowerchild25]

I know exactly what you're feeling bpnurse. Last year was the first Christmas without my husband and it was the worst. I didn't do hardly anything that I usually do. I had to go through the motions because my son is so young and he deserves a great Christmas but it hurt so bad. Especially because Christmas was my husband's favorite holiday. He loved picking out just the right gifts for everyone, especially our son.

Last year I decided I couldn't stand waking up in my mom's house and doing Christmas there without my husband so we decided to stay overnight at my grandmother's house just for a change of scenery. It helped a lot just to be doing something different that I wouldn't have done had my husband been alive. My son loved it. He wants to do it again this year but I'm feeling stronger this year so I think I can handle Christmas at home.

So this is the second Christmas without him and I felt pretty down about that a week or so ago but my son has helped cheer me up. He insisted we decorate for Christmas the day after thanksgiving so we put the tree up and put our Christmas lights outside. I think it helps to have a young child who loves Christmas to get you in the Christmas mood.

I'm sure I'll go back and forth this year. Right now I'm excited about the prospect of picking out gifts for everyone and doing my baking and stuff but next week it could be different. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself this time to grieve. The year of firsts is tough but it does seem to be getting a little easier for me as time goes on.

[Hairball]

What about finding a volunteer opportunity for Christmas? Can ring bells, help serve meals, take dinner to shut-ins?

For the last 2yrs I have been volunteering at our local animal rescue to give the other volunteers the opportunity to spend the holidays with their families. Before that I found a local agency that was serving meals to the homeless and the less unfortunate.

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( BipolaRNurse ))))))

I am sorry for your loss. Grieving the loss of a beloved spouse never ends, it may just become easier with time.

My mom lives with us, after losing my stepdad 5 years ago. We see much of what she goes through in her attempts to adjust and to reach acceptance. Her life has changed drastically, as they used to do so much together. She is often very anxious and very sad. She needs a lot of assistance and does not help with household tasks. We are exhausted before the holidays arrive.

I am dreading the holidays for different reasons. There are too many family expectations placed upon us throughout the holidays. We'd like a break, some room, some peace in our home. Nobody in the family helps all year with my mom -- they don't visit her, they won't take her places with them, they simply will not help. On the holidays, they all show up and we are expected to provide housing and meals, again, with no help.

It's exhausting. We set more and more limits; yet, family just becomes increasingly hostile. They each/all see themselves as "guests" and feel they should not be asked to help with meals, etc.

On Thanksgiving, we had accepted an invite elsewhere. We'd invited our mom to go with us or to make other plans. What a relief! She joined in with our plans and we did not have to take on so much with unhelpful family members.

Many of the adults in my family still show up expecting to be waited upon.
They fail to recognize the fact that their "mother/grandmother" is no longer able to attend to them. They do not contribute to family holiday gatherings, etc.

I am so glad you have a caring, cohesive, supportive family around you!

Again, so sorry for the loss of your beloved.


WC

[~Christina]

I had no wise words.

But I'm hugging you. If you need an ear or shoulder I'm here.

((((( hugs )))))

[BipolaRNurse]

Thanks, y'all.

My son has already started the Christmas decorating and it's lifted my mood ever so slightly. I also found out today that I absolutely MUST be at church on Christmas morning; I've been scheduled to read from the Scriptures that day, which puts me back in touch with Christmases past. A little taste of old familiar traditions.

My heart just breaks for you!!! This must be such a difficult time and my heart really goes out to you right now.

I've been sick (either physically, mentally or both) during the holidays. I always put on a brace face but inside it's a disaster. I'm looking forward to the holidays being over. I do hope to get in the spirit a bit more and there is still time but who knows. We didn't even do a tree last year and did a small table top one the year before. I hope to put up the big tree and all the ornaments because my ornaments mean so much and all have so many memories. But we shall see. We don't have money so it's a very hard time but we find a way to make it work. (((((Hugs))))

My husband and I lost everything a few years ago too, so I can relate to that aspect. (((Hugs)))