[Standup2me]

I hate my job, I hate my boss, I hate where I live, I hate this city...too much hate lives in me today

[Wander]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I'm really struggling. I just want to die. I'm stuck and hopeless. I'm in misery with no way out. I have so much I need to talk about but just can't. I protect my abusers and always have. I'm so stupid. I need to break everything and put the pieces back together into something different. I'm taking extra pills and going to sleep. I hope I don't wake up.

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. PM me anytime if you want to chat. So many people care about you so please stay safe. Do you need to be IP? I wish I could help. It is so unfair you have to suffer so much. There must be a way out where you can live. Hang in there.

[LadyShadow]

Manic, Manic, Manic. Manic as all hell. Kinda sleepy though. Now if I can just my mind off.

[Icare dixit]

**** **** **** **** **** ******

[rwwff]

I'm not inpatient, so I guess they had to be gentle with the dosage startups or I'd have run away or something, but, Depakote does really do something after all. I am finally getting the "me", I choose to be, back. I don't feel like there's 20 guys pushing me from behind, just a few, and I kneecapped a couple of them too! HA!

[avlady]

i hope you do great!!!

[Moose72]

At Starbucks. Friend just came in. He's ignoring me. Thought he'd talk to me. :-(

Moose, sorry your friend is ignoring you! Did something happen?

---

Slept on my fractured arm last night by accident. Like, I put all my weight on it... Now my arm is inflamed/painful! I hope I didn't make anything worse...

Otherwise doing ok. Anxiety is a bit high

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I'm really struggling. I just want to die. I'm stuck and hopeless. I'm in misery with no way out. I have so much I need to talk about but just can't. I protect my abusers and always have. I'm so stupid. I need to break everything and put the pieces back together into something different. I'm taking extra pills and going to sleep. I hope I don't wake up.

Any better today?

[hopeless2015]

Feeling ok today, pdoc appt in about an hour

Originally Posted by Nammu

Any better today?

I'm so sorry about that post last night. I'm doing badly recently....lots of depression, SI, SO MUCH PAIN and the outside stress is too much to list. I found out that PMDD can cause paranoid and persecutory delusions. I'm about to start my period and things are so bad. I can't stop crying for days....over everything. Some understandable and others not. I'm getting an IUD implanted in a few day and hope it will cure me. My GYNO said it's unlikely to do anything for me mentally but I spoke to someone recently who is helped them 100 percent. I'm just holding onto hope and it's getting me through.

Wander, thanks for your message. It means more than you can imagine. If after my period is over I'm still in this situation I may go IP. IM EVEN considering moving to an assisted living home for reasons I cannot go into. I need long term help. But as I said about, I've got hope that my IUD will help.

(((Hugs)))

[zijax]

Elsa sorry you are going through all this. I hope the iud helps. Please try to make any long term decisions when you are in a clear mind if at all possible. I will be sending out positive thoughts to you. Hope you feel better.

[Unrigged64072835]

Rough day today. I wrote another poem and took a shower. My anxiety is up so it's hard to focus.

My husband is making his roast chicken tonight. Can't wait.

[Standup2me]

Originally Posted by Moose72

At Starbucks. Friend just came in. He's ignoring me. Thought he'd talk to me. :-(

Not much of a friend then

[LadyShadow]

Was really struggling when I woke up. Was feeling I had no reason to get up in the morning anymore. Then I spoke to my best friend, and he really lifted my spirits. Then I spent some time online, and started doing some writing. Then of course I took a shower which helped a lot!

Little things count, no matter how small they are.

[VerMOZZica]

Didn`t get much done today except for a little cleaning.Now my spirits are down.I feel so sad right now.

[bizi]

forced myself to shower...almost screamed to get in the f**king shower.
exfolisted dead skin cells on my chest and neck using my finger nails. some times pain feels good. I was looking like a red neck for quite a while.
It had been almost 2 weeks that I had showered, 5 days since a shampoo at the beauty school after my color.
I discovered a raw hole at my butt crack...probably from not showering.
TMI?
sorry
sigh
bizi

[rwwff]

Really funny observation my less restrained self made as I was walking last night. (stabilizer isn't quite up to therapeutic yet so it runs out).

Since my next appointment is in the morning, serious me will report on it running out and mildly manic me escaping each evening; but if its in the evening not so serious me might be inclined to report all is well with the most erratic, poorest fib telling facial control imaginable.

Either way? busted.

cracked me up so bad; singing along to metal, and laughing outside, alone, on the street, at 10pm; probably wasn't the most rational of appearances though. I do think I'm starting to get why there's this love/hate relationship with meds; this would be huge fun, if I were 20 and lively, as opposed to 50 and arthritic.

really fought me on the sleep last night too... ugh

[hopeless2015]

Feeling ok today. I managed to make it to work everyday, I was late Monday but made it in. Pdoc yesterday and no med changes. Talked about the latuda fiasco and that at least we know that it helps out now. Go back in 8 weeks and then going 3 month visits after that. Glad it's Friday , looking forward to a couple days off. Hugs to all

[Standup2me]

The sun is shining, it is nice out (-1 C), and all is right with the world.
I am just happy to be in the moment.

[LadyShadow]

It's a little cold, and I watched a great moment in history. I have to say I am a bit bored, but definitely feeling a lot better than I did yesterday. I am wondering how my mood is going to shift with the boredom though, maybe I should read a bit to keep my mind active.

[bizi]

listening to the handy man service cut the caulk out of my tub....wondering what it is going to cost me ????
Happy they could do it last minute like this.
bizi

edited to say it only cost me $50, thrilled!!!!

Two hours' training today to participate in the 2017 Point in Time Count, a census of Oahu's homeless by 100 volunteers over three days next week. Unfettered mental illness approaches unsheltered homeless: film at eleven.

I can't drive on lithium but don't care on lithium.

[Unrigged64072835]

Watched my husband climb up a ladder to fix a leak in the roof. That was freaky. He didn't go through the roof or fall off the ladder, thank goodness. I have severe fear of falling. Just starting to calm down two hours later. Now we'll have to save up money to have the roof replaced and the ceiling fixed. Just when we were starting to pay down on bills. Joy.

Other than that I picked another chicken. Have 2 ½ cups of meat. My turn to make dinner tonight.

[Moose72]

Been feeling anxious and guilty the last couple days. Waves of these emotions keep coming over me and I can't figure out why. Its like I feel chipper and then I feel crummy at the same time. So I called my pdoc and she increased my rexulti. She thinks the reduction in zyprexa is doing this so we are keeping that at the same dose. (I do want to get off zyprexa eventually.) I really hope it helps. I took a shower so I feel some better from that.