[PenguinExMachina]

Feeling very down. The restlessness has subsided thanks to a new med, but now I feel like I'm crashing, and it's not a good feeling at all.

[Moose72]

My dad has his phone off the hook in his room at the hospital. Maybe he's sleepy from pain meds or something. Then again he's an alcoholic so you'd think they'd be careful about narcotics with him. I just want to hear how he's doing. My sister said she couldn't really follow his thought patterns and might fly out there to help him when he gets discharged.

Otherwise I've had a long day but holding up considering. Gotta do my med box on Monday. Oh joy! My favorite chore! /Sarcasm

I gave $10 to a little boy and his mom who were giving away candy if you donated for needy children. I'm at Panera and I saw others give and they seemed genuine so if they're crooks then I'm out $10 I guess.

My study I'm in is getting old. I have to write down everything I eat and drink special powdered drinks that affect my gut bacteria and then collect stool samples. Only a week left! They are looking at how certain drugs- including zyprexa- affect the gut biome.

[Unrigged64072835]

Another slow day. At least I studied and made dinner.

[Wander]

9am. Music blaring. Feeling good although very tired. This recovery will take some time. My parents are coming over for coffee which should break up being alone all day. Other than that I am planning to organise and clean my flat. It is a beautiful day outside too so I should go for a walk but the exhaustion will make motivation for that difficult.

Another covert low-resolution snap of my wife through the wire this morning. I just finished reading a fake news article on North Korean threat and retaliation signaling, and her choice of lipstick color could be a subtle indication of either threat or retaliation.

Today I hatched a plot to rent 2000 cubic feet of empty bedrooms to an estate liquidator friend who is suffocating in consigned furniture and artworks. It's less profitable but more convenient to lease portions of your house to objects rather than tenants, but we must somehow defray the imminent increases in our health insurance premiums, and consigned furniture and artworks aren't going to mind sharing a roof with a crazy person who's about to get liquored up.

[hopeless2015]

Yesterday went to friends to bake Christmas cookies, it's out 3rd year doing this, got groceries to, today is really cold so I'm staying in, making a pot of chili and doing laundry and a bit of cleaning. Might wrap presents.

[LadyShadow]

Just on an extreme manic high, didn't sleep the whole night and still haven't eaten anything. I am wearing thin and my body is killing me. It needs rest. But I am still here posting and still going.

[Icare dixit]

I found a (likely) solution for my biggest problem, my inability to do much work. Hopefully it works.

No acting on or having an urdSH is at day 1 (that's many, many days without it!).

I feel liberated.

[scatterbrained04]

Have been dealing with suicidal ideation and desire to SH much of the last 24 hours.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Have been dealing with suicidal ideation and desire to SH much of the last 24 hours.

Is there an after hours number at your pdocs that you can call?

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Have been dealing with suicidal ideation and desire to SH much of the last 24 hours.

Please call someone, or reach out. Or even post here.

[xRavenx]

I woke up feeling kind of insecure today. I have this uncomfortable feeling that people are mad at me and going to throw me under the bus. Nothing happened, but it's a ruminating thought I can't get out of my head, and I hate this. Then, thoughts follow where I'm just saying to myself "you're stupid," "people don't like you, and no wonder," "you're worthless," or things to that extent. I know there isn't much I can do about this but I hope this goes away on its own.

I see my pdoc tomorrow again. I only saw her a few days ago, but she just wanted a check-in visit for monitoring since my meds were increased very recently. I'm not sure if this is going to turn into some kind of mixed episode. There are small signs that I might, but either way, something doesn't feel right. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster lately.

[Shazerac]

I get that negative self talk when I'm in or working up to a mixed episode. "I'm stupid, useless, selfish, fat, ugly, old, don't deserve the air I breathe, yada yada yada." I'm glad your going to see your pdoc. Maybe your meds might need further adjustments.

You can talk back to yourself though and tell that voice that it's not true, dammit! I'm smart I have value, stop dragging me down, negative voice!

[xRavenx]

Thank you, Shazerac.

[Unrigged64072835]

Did a load of laundry and made two pans of lasagna. Waiting on daughter's boyfriend to take one pan over to his parents. The mother gets us little things for Christmas. The kids basically have her presents, and my husband bought two of everything, so why not send a pan of lasagna over for Christmas? lol

[LadyShadow]

Had an okay day today. I mean I feel really good. Took a nice shower, ate, and lit some candles.

Also, I spent most of the day here on PsychCentral. Never knew how much I missed it. Sometimes I go away for a while and get myself involved elsewhere, but this feels like a nice wholesome break.

Thank god for this site!

[CarriB]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I woke up feeling kind of insecure today. I have this uncomfortable feeling that people are mad at me and going to throw me under the bus. Nothing happened, but it's a ruminating thought I can't get out of my head, and I hate this. Then, thoughts follow where I'm just saying to myself "you're stupid," "people don't like you, and no wonder," "you're worthless," or things to that extent. I know there isn't much I can do about this but I hope this goes away on its own.

I do the same thing. I really try to logically talk my way out of it... I say, I'm making up scenarios and I don't really know, or I have no proof so I need to drop that thought... anything to move on. My brain and anxiety tell me these things but I can recognize that so I'm (usually) able to talk myself out of the thoughts.

[Icare dixit]

Day 2...

It's like autumn here. With lots of Christmas trees.

[Moose72]

Talked with my dad's care takers today. Feel a little bit better. Did my med box and need to get two meds at the pharmacy. Did laundry and dishes and paid the water bill. Saw a few friends too.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Called and left a voicemail for my case manager today, have a couple of questions for her since she is leaving, all regarding who my new case manager will be, and if I'm garrenteed to meet with a case manager in January, so I can get my paperwork done so it doesn't expire, cause it is set to expire in January. Really freaking out about this big time, I don't want things to get screwed up and have my treatment get messed up because of it all, or have to redo intake either. I'll be pissed if I have to redo intake cause I didn't get a case manager in time to redo my paperwork. Ugh, and I have to ask if we should cancel our meeting for the first week I January since she is leaving, we scheduled one at our last meeting just incase she didn't leave so soon, but I don't know when she is leaving at all, I don't think she knew at the time of our last meeting back on the 7th either. I swear when stuff starts to go right for me, there is always something that comes along and messes it all up. Welp hoping for a call back sometime tomorrow, maybe, if not I'll just have to call again.

[hopeless2015]

Stayed in bed most of the9 day, getting up now and I will make supper. I couldn't get myself up this morning when the alarm went off and spent the day feeling sorry for myself and sleeping...not good. I making myself get up now even though it's 4:30 pm, it's better than not at all. My poor husband, I have to be so confusing for him, sometimes I don't know why he puts up with me

Originally Posted by OctobersBlackRose

Called and left a voicemail for my case manager today, have a couple of questions for her since she is leaving, all regarding who my new case manager will be, and if I'm garrenteed to meet with a case manager in January, so I can get my paperwork done so it doesn't expire, cause it is set to expire in January. Really freaking out about this big time, I don't want things to get screwed up and have my treatment get messed up because of it all, or have to redo intake either. I'll be pissed if I have to redo intake cause I didn't get a case manager in time to redo my paperwork. Ugh, and I have to ask if we should cancel our meeting for the first week I January since she is leaving, we scheduled one at our last meeting just incase she didn't leave so soon, but I don't know when she is leaving at all, I don't think she knew at the time of our last meeting back on the 7th either. I swear when stuff starts to go right for me, there is always something that comes along and messes it all up. Welp hoping for a call back sometime tomorrow, maybe, if not I'll just have to call again.

Sorry to hear that. That's a sucky situation. I would be freaking out too.

I don't have any advice, but I hope everything falls into place for you soon

[Moose72]

Don't wanna go get my pills . It's not far . I just want a hot shower (it's been a few days) and my PJs

[Standup2me]

I wonder if I am the only one who sometimes skips their mood stabiliser just to get that high that happens when they are skipped?????

[Unrigged64072835]

Went to T and physical therapy. T was okay. Still having issues of what to do. Physical therapy hurt. The therapist put my back in traction for 10 minutes. I felt fine on the table, but everything hurt as soon as I walked around. I have to do this for a few weeks and get back with him on how it's going. I sure hope my back will stretch out a little bit.