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#76
Dec 19, 2016, 07:47 PM
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Just floating around my flat dealing with mental and physical exhaustion. Saw my parents and Skyped a great friend. Helps keep the loneliness at bay. Finally sleeping well, 7-8 hours a night without extra meds. Been cleaning and organising my flat. Feels therapeutic. Almost two rooms down, three to go. Tomorrow is going to be very hot so I am planning to go for an early morning snorkel. Can't wait. Recovering from the psychotic break is going to take a while so I am taking it easy on myself.
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Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD  "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
 bizi
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 bizi
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#77
Dec 19, 2016, 07:50 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 4.5 mg Risperdal .5 mg  Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
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#78
Dec 19, 2016, 08:28 PM
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I had my first psychiatrist appointment tonight. I wasn't very impressed with him tbh. He was a full hour late and mumbled as he typed into his computer. I didn't understand him much of the time. He wanted to prescribe Tegretol so I said I'd try it. I have not had good results from anticonvulsants in the past, but we'll see.
__________________
Bipolar 1 Latuda 120 mg Adderall 40 mg |
| gina_re, Nammu, Victoria'smom
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#79
Dec 19, 2016, 08:46 PM
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Finally have Ambien again but only 1 pill a night not two. Here's hoping the sandman pays a visit tonight.
So tired and when I'm this tired my back starts singing the blues...then I can't sleep cause of the pain....don't sleep, pain, pain means don't sleep. Round and round I go but it's no horsy ride on the Merry go round
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| bizi, gina_re, VerMOZZica, xRavenx
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#80
Dec 19, 2016, 10:59 PM
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Went to the pdoc earlier today, and I was managing. She still increased one of my meds since I haven't been doing too well, but I was feeling just maybe things will start getting better.
I don't know what happened. As the day went on, I started feeling more and more emotional, anxious, even some paranoid thoughts. My heart is racing (not from meds, but from anxiety), and now none of the sedating meds I'm on are enough to bring me back down to a calm state. A few days ago, I was complaining of too much sedation. Now, not enough sedation, because it seems like I'm cycling. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight and kind of fear tomorrow and having to face people. I want a vacation from my own mind. These racing thoughts will not stop. I hate being someone who complains all the time, but I just have a bad feeling about things and hope with time something will finally work. |
| bizi, gina_re, Nammu
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#81
Dec 20, 2016, 01:18 AM
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I am sorry raven
(((((HUGS))))) about to head north to cold and snow....burr. this two day travel will be interesting. bizi
__________________
lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
| xRavenx
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| xRavenx
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#82
Dec 20, 2016, 10:05 AM
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My sister and two nephews were over at my house the entire weekend. Wow. To those that are parents, kudos to you. At any rate, I'm glad they were here because as crazy as my house was those few days, they all make me happy. It was a wonderful distraction. But by Sunday evening, it was like
 lol. I slept most of Monday to recuperate. I woke up at 3am this morning with the realization that I repress a lot of my feelings and claim that I am ok. It's easier to take the meds to "numb" it all than to deal with it. Therapy is expensive! It's cheaper to spend a few dollars on some pills that last a few months than to spend money every week or every other week for help. I have a lot of friends, but I trust no one and have a huge wall and keep most of this stuff to myself and convince myself that everything is ok. Ugh. Life. |
| Anonymous45023
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#84
Dec 20, 2016, 12:19 PM
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Feeling tired. Got up really early. Thinking about a nap, have cleaning to do, but feeling a bit depressed. Don't really feel like doing anything.
__________________
Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Journey of Grace, Grit and Starting Again |
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#85
Dec 20, 2016, 01:30 PM
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I'm moving into a place of change, and my mind can't stop chattering. I don't believe it should because very important are the things it is sharing. I finally took some benzos at 4am and started counting sheep. The problem with counting sheep is setting up the fantasy. The length and texture of the grass under their hoofs, the color, texture and placement of the fence, the softness and moisture of the dirt(mud?) they are leaping from. What about the sheeps themselves? Are the young, are they old? Fluffy or matted? Are they leaping the fence in joy and silliness? Are they just running away from something. So prior to counting the sheep all of these things must be addressed as well as what arises in you while exploring that. Two hours later. Smoke weed and the benzos finally kicked in.
Now I'm the girl with a bee in her bonnet, only woozier |
| Anonymous45023, xRavenx
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| Moose72
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#86
Dec 20, 2016, 01:58 PM
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Feeling a bit better, took a long hot shower, and put on some nice smelling cream. Was able to get the piles of clothes off the floor and into a basket. Now it's getting it to the washing machine! One step at a time.....
__________________
Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Journey of Grace, Grit and Starting Again |
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#87
Dec 20, 2016, 02:03 PM
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Got my sleep last night!!!
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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#88
Dec 20, 2016, 02:48 PM
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I went to my 3 hours of my 8th year of the bipolar study I'm in. It was ALMOST too long- talking about my bipolar episodes in the last two years. Then I had lunch and now I'm in bed resting. That wore me out. They are sending me a $150 check though. That will be nice.
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 4.5 mg Risperdal .5 mg Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
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#89
Dec 20, 2016, 04:19 PM
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MileIQ tracks and tallies my business mileage by GPS. They also send an email to rub it in if I've been housebound for a week straight:
Quote:
Screw you, MileIQ. |
| Anonymous45023
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| xRavenx
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#90
Dec 20, 2016, 04:53 PM
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Quote:
This is interesting
__________________
What's so funny about peace, love and understanding? Elvis Costello |
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#91
Dec 20, 2016, 05:02 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Bipolar 1 Latuda 120 mg Adderall 40 mg |
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#92
Dec 20, 2016, 05:48 PM
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Spent all morning picking up psych meds and my diabetes stuff. Since it's the holidays everybody and their grandmother was at the pharmacy. Took me 3 hours and some meds had to be ordered. I still have one more to drop off but I'll be damned if I have to wait another 2 hours.
Other than that, making spaghetti for dinner. I frittered all the afternoon. |
| Nammu, xRavenx
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#93
Dec 20, 2016, 05:58 PM
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Feeling kind of depressed. I think it is Christmas, it gets me every year, even though I like a lot about Christmas, it still makes me sad.
2nd Christmas seperated from my wife. First Christmas we are both seeing other people, but still getting together for a family Christmas. Lots of emotions. |
| Anonymous45023, gina_re, Icare dixit, Moose72, Wander, xRavenx
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#94
Dec 20, 2016, 09:23 PM
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I'm so overcome with anxiety right now about the disability thing. I keep on pacing and doing a lot of work around the house to take my mind off it. I'm trying to do what my therapist says I should do when I'm anxious like this, which is to keep myself active to hopefully keep my mind off of what's bothering me.
So far it's mildly working.
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
| Anonymous45023, gina_re, Icare dixit, xRavenx
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#95
Dec 20, 2016, 09:33 PM
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It's been a good day. Some down periods, and got almost nothing done. Feeling bored and tired
__________________
Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Journey of Grace, Grit and Starting Again |
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#97
Dec 20, 2016, 10:27 PM
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Quote:
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| Icare dixit
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#98
Dec 21, 2016, 01:36 PM
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Feeling better today, tired of yoyoing with these moods though.
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Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
| Nammu
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#100
Dec 21, 2016, 03:01 PM
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Maybe a bit more instability. At least a bit more inspiration and a need to express. Not less depression (I'm good at mixed). Nothing severe.
I'm gonna miss the darkness outside. But I'm glad it doesn't snow.
__________________
Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide. See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me. |
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