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#201
Dec 28, 2016, 10:11 PM
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Babysat my two nephews while my sister caught up with some work. What a day. I nearly lost my mind. I'm not meant to be a parent. But I love those little guys so much. I stay alive for them, but
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 Wild Coyote
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#202
Dec 28, 2016, 10:29 PM
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Had pdoc appointment today. She doubled my trileptal dose. I am so ****ed up right now. I don't know what she's trying to do to me. I have double vision, can't walk, can barely see what I'm typing right now, look high (according to my husband). We go to the gym every night, and I fell down in the bathroom while changing (lol) so now we're not going, which sucks. Just, holy ****! Has anyone else had this experience with trileptal?
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The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
| Anonymous45023, Nammu, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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#203
Dec 28, 2016, 10:37 PM
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Had a fun day, went mall walking with my daughter and got a bunch of half off toys for my grandson to play with hen he is here
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| Wild Coyote
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#204
Dec 28, 2016, 11:13 PM
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Quote:
I don't talk to him about MI because talking to him about something like that is like talking to a wall. He's stubborn and has his own opinions, which aren't easily changed, so it's not worth talking to him about it. I've tried to correct him once when he said people with OCD are "doing it for attention", and he said, "bullcrap. I think it's an attention seeking disorder. That's what it is." How was he right not to trust me? He's never trusted me with anything, so it doesn't even matter. I have no trust in him since he never reciprocated trust when I gave it to him. |
| Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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#205
Dec 29, 2016, 08:30 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 4.5 mg Risperdal .5 mg  Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
| Wild Coyote
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#206
Dec 29, 2016, 08:44 AM
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I'm still "WeightING" for my blanket. They said 2-3 weeks and it's been just over 1. Tick tock tick tock. They also haven't charged my card yet. One more week till I see Pdoc and case manager. Case manager is an hour of paperwork and I'm not looking forward to it.
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 4.5 mg Risperdal .5 mg Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
| Wild Coyote
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#208
Dec 29, 2016, 12:30 PM
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Quote:
I remember you saying it was causing problems before, why do you have to stay on it? 
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| Wild Coyote
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#209
Dec 29, 2016, 01:33 PM
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I'm trying to accept I've been having mixed symptoms for a few days and need to gear it down or I'm going to get myself into trouble. I took PRN zyprexa just a little bit ago. I don't really have a PRN dose I just broke 10 in half which is normal dose.
So I'm working on insight and judgement. I've been sleeping a ton and then obsessed with money, stocks, etc while I"m awake. I'm hoping zyprexa helps I'm going to rest again and when I get up make myself not get into money though the drive I have for it is almost overwhelming. Or I wouldn't be doing it. This started a few days ago. I was in a nice normal place for almost 2 weeks I think. I'll get back there. Keep the faith. |
| gina_re, Wild Coyote
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 xRavenx
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#210
Dec 29, 2016, 01:51 PM
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Having a tough day. I am extra down today, not like usual. It's weird feeling this way, (especially craving a drink after so long), and I hope I can make it through today.
__________________
Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Journey of Grace, Grit and Starting Again |
| Anonymous45023, gina_re, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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#211
Dec 29, 2016, 05:51 PM
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Went to physical therapy this afternoon. Spent 20 minutes in traction for my back. It's helping with the discs on the lower end
Other than that it's been a quiet day. No hypo or depression to speak of. Been trying a heating pad for my upper back and shoulder. |
| gina_re, Wild Coyote
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#212
Dec 29, 2016, 07:54 PM
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Basically alright. Sort of. Irritability's been up. Hard getting to sleep (more than usual). Mood level to down.
Major issue -- I've been ruminating a LOT on something from almost 2 years ago. In short, I had told someone I believed them, when in fact I did not. I CANNOT get what was lied about out of my head! And it is useless to bring it up now, as no good would come of it. I JUST WANT MY BRAIN TO STFU ALREADY! Also, I keep getting tactile hallucinations. Hmmm. Guess I'm actually not alright. 
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| gina_re, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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#213
Dec 29, 2016, 08:27 PM
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I can't handle life right now. I'm suffering alone under a lot of stress. This new medication has done nothing. I'm having hallucinations and paranoia. I can't stop sleeping and eating. Now I'm about to go back to work and take over my supervisor's massive amount of work while she's on maternity leave. I'm only an intern; I'm not prepared at all! It's a lot of pressure and there are legal deadlines involved. On top of that I still have college responsibilities. I feel like I have no support in any aspect of my life and I'd honestly rather just off myself than deal with living anymore.
__________________
Bipolar 1 Latuda 120 mg Adderall 40 mg |
| Anonymous45023, gina_re, Icare dixit, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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#214
Dec 29, 2016, 09:08 PM
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Got that awful letter and then got pulled over for having a headlight out. Second time this month!
__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat - He who sings prays twice ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 4.5 mg Risperdal .5 mg Gabapentin 600 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily |
| Wild Coyote
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#215
Dec 30, 2016, 03:14 AM
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The only way I found more relief today was by taking more benzos than usual, which I don't want to make a habit in doing. I thought I'd be more tired now. I'm a little groggy, but more wired, and it's past 3 AM here.
I anticipate anxiety tomorrow, although it's just another day. I think loneliness, feeling low, self-doubts, and feeling isolated because of the depression is interfering with my confidence to reach out to friends and people who I need the most during this time. I feel others don't value me as much as I value them. I hate thinking like that, but I can't help it. I see my pdoc the week after New Year's Day, and I see my Therapist two days after New Year's. It's been about 3 weeks since I've seen her, so I know it's well overdue, although I'm not exactly sure if there's any clear solution to how I've been feeling lately. |
| Anonymous45023, gina_re, Wild Coyote
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#216
Dec 30, 2016, 04:47 AM
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I have no problem getting to sleep, but each night for the past month I've only been able to get 3-5 hours of sleep...not enough sleep deprivation to get fully episodic (I'm actually feeling appropriately happy during the day), but it's so freakin' frustrating to be living on such little sleep. The days get so damned long.
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| Anonymous45023, gina_re, Wild Coyote
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#217
Dec 30, 2016, 12:35 PM
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Feeling super duper out of control. I know my "mood" is stable despite me getting markedly less sleep. My anxiety is high though, and I feel as though I'm not in the drivers seat of my life anymore.
Someone nefarious has the wheel. |
| fishin fool, gina_re, Wild Coyote
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#218
Dec 30, 2016, 03:34 PM
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Many mixed emotions right now.
__________________
I traded it in for a whole 'nother world A pirate flag and an island girl |
| Anonymous45023, gina_re, Nammu, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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| xRavenx
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#219
Dec 30, 2016, 04:48 PM
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Did three loads of laundry, put away the dishes and helped my husband clean the main floor of the house. Finished the book I was studying and now looking for another one. Feel a little down.
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| Wild Coyote
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#220
Dec 30, 2016, 05:38 PM
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Every day I feel reborn (once or more). Mildly mixed. More stirred than shaken.
__________________
Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide. See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me. |
| Wild Coyote
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| Nammu
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#221
Dec 30, 2016, 06:03 PM
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Still doing PT 2x weekly.
Having more difficulties with autoimmune illness. Adding new med trials for that. Trying to get through the med adjustments and the holidays. Happy New Year to All!  WC |
| Anonymous45023, fishin fool, Fuzzybear, gina_re, Nammu, Unrigged64072835, xRavenx
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#222
Dec 30, 2016, 06:37 PM
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Thread'n along
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| fishin fool, Fuzzybear, gina_re, Wild Coyote
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#224
Dec 30, 2016, 08:42 PM
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Doing okay.
 I saw Star Wars Rogue One! Decent movie overall, although I prefer the other Episode movies to this one. Also, I'm a bit upset that my Lexapro went from $0.68 to $51.99. Price hike from my insurance company, likely because my pharmacy (Walgreens) upped their price. GoodRx has a coupon to reduce the price to $14, but that's still expensive when you have 10 meds...Damn you, Walgreens, and damn you, insurance! *shakes fist* |
| Wild Coyote
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| Nammu
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#225
Dec 31, 2016, 03:40 AM
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Brain still won't shut up. The invasive thoughts also triggered a negative rush about another issue on which I was *finally* starting to make a very slight amount of precarious progress. Back to square one.
Tactile hallucinations continue. Having waves of feeling like I'm "screaming into the void" and like I'm about to cry, but don't. Can't. I don't know. This is exhausting. Trying to distract. Trying to counter the thoughts. Neither tactic really working. |
| gina_re, Icare dixit, Nammu, Wild Coyote
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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