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#1
Aug 21, 2007, 06:19 PM
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Well here I am...once again I have totally screwed things up for me and probably for my family. I wish that I could manage money like other people can...I have no control when it comes to a checking account! I should not even be permitted to go close to a check....
I feel like my life is spinning out of control...the meds don't seem to be keeping this overwhelming feeling of loss of control of things in check...I am wondering why in the world I am even alive..I am not worth the dirt it took to shake off someone's shoes to come in the door. right now I am really hating myself more and more...I can barely look at myself in the mirror...I am such a disgusting terrible person...I shouldn't be allowed to walk around as a person...I am more of a subperson. Life Sucks!!!
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Married, mother of 3 boys, Hoping to find blue skies amist all the black |
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#2
Aug 21, 2007, 07:02 PM
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You are a wonderful human being. I know when I am in a manic phase I am writing checks to people I don't even know for I don't even know how much. When I think I am getting close to that point, I give my checkbook and check card to someone close to hold on to until I feel better.
Take gentle care, Dee
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Parce que maman l'a dit 
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#3
Aug 21, 2007, 09:32 PM
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I think .....
 .....just cause you spent a bunch of money doesnt make you dirt......MAN if that were the case we would all be dirt......I can spend like you too....impulse control,tough one to deal with.Mydarlin.....dont be too hard on yourself,live and learn I guess.....we all make stupid mistakes,you will figure it out.....BREATH and give yourself a break. We care....now take care! |
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#4
Aug 22, 2007, 08:13 AM
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Thanks dreamrunner...I just wish that I could keep from making these mistakes everytime things seem like they are going good.... I am just sick of fu*@ing up everything and everyone's life...
Took the mania test today...again....I am more depressed than I am manic...mild to moderate mania and moderate to severe depression...How can anyone be both and not at least experience the wonderful high from being manic. I really can't say that because I am on such a rollercoaster right now...one minute I feel good and the next several I feel like the crap you scrape off your shoes. I am just so sick of making everything a mess and never feeling normal...I always hate myself....most of the time I think the entire world would be better off without me in the world....I think it was a mistake that I even came into this world... But don't worry bout me....today is Wed...T day...maybe he can say something to get me back on track....but I really doubt it.
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Married, mother of 3 boys, Hoping to find blue skies amist all the black |
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#5
Aug 22, 2007, 11:35 AM
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Hope all goes well with T....
Take care  Keep us posted |
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#6
Aug 22, 2007, 06:52 PM
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Okay...went to the T today...was late...that sucks...he wants me to go to the pdoc and see about having my meds tweeked...that's a joke...
he also wanted me to think about doing something for myself instead of trying to think of everyone else... Blah..Blah..Blah
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Married, mother of 3 boys, Hoping to find blue skies amist all the black |
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#7
Aug 22, 2007, 08:51 PM
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Man,does that session sound familiar,just had one like that 2 weeks ago.
Its worth looking into mydarlin,going to the pdoc I mean.See what he has to say anyways,you can always think about it I guess....options are good right? Take it easy. 
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#8
Aug 23, 2007, 07:07 PM
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Hi Mydarlin,
Medication tweaking is a dreaded thing for all of us with bp, but sometimes it can really make life alittle easier - or at least help us cope better. I think doing something for yourself is a wonderful idea. I think way too many women nurture everyone but themselves. Be gentle with you. Many blessings, Etheria
__________________
"I go to nature to be soothed and healed and to have my senses put in order" -John Burroughs- |
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