[MtnTime2896]

If you guys could verbally knock some sense into me, I'd appreciate it. See, I'm not fully stabilized, yet. While I'm spending more time in my "normal" state, I'm still going up and down a bit, though they don't last long. My current problem: I don't know if I want to stabilize. I know it's stupid and I know it's far from practical. It's just that the more I stabilize, the worst my PTSD symptoms are getting and the more I realize I'm still grieving from a loss. I don't want to feel that crap. I don't want to deal with it but I'll have to once my moods are in check and finally stop rapid cycling. I'm considering going off my meds just so I can stop feeling all of this. I know that's stupid and I don't know if I'll actually do it.

Please, just someone, give me a reason not to. I'm really weak right now for some damn reason and I don't know why. And I'm sorry I'm on here whining away when there's people who want to stabilize, who'd beg for it. I'm just messed up right now.

[Raindropvampire]

You are strong and you can face this. You might not feel strong right this second but you are.

And you're not whining you're being smart and reaching out when you need to. Never be sorry for reaching out it shows strength and courage

Só leigheas--Think about how crappy IP was. Don't stop anything that is keeping you out of that place.
Despite how much I complain about my presciptions, I have been back on them for about a week and know I need to stay on them at least until the day after Christmas. The holidays are tough for those of us who have mental issues. I encourage you to stick with it until at least the day after Christmas. Or much longer if stopping one of them will result in another IP stay. I think IP is traumatizing. I want to have my freedom always. Also, if you end up messing with what the doctor has prescribed you, I think that sometimes it is better to try taking less (ask for a lower dosage or take one pill a day vice two pills a day) than to completely stop. There are some medications that have to be tapered down slowly, not stopped cold turkey. Just some thoughts about it all.

[Wander]

PTSD is a very tough illness to deal with so I can understand you are trying to avoid it but destabilising yourself will only make things worse and your PTSD will make things worse. As difficult and overwhelming as it may seem dealing with your PTSD will make your overall health much better. Do you have a T you can process this stuff with? If you go ahead take it really slowly and have breaks when you need them. If you go off your meds there is no guarantee that your PTSD will go away, in fact it may get worse and you will also have the Bipolar to deal with. It is a BIG risk.

I'm sorry that you are hurting so much. There is no easy way out of this. To heal you must face your emotions but in s safe place. Please don't go off your meds. Anything could happen and it could get really bad. Keep talking to us. PM me if you need to. Look after and be kind to yourself.

[Shazerac]

oh honey, please don't go off your meds. It will only make things worse and you might end up IP. Dealing with PTSD issues sucks the big one I know. Been there, still there, and I'm damn sick and tired of it. It's tempting to go off meds, but try hang in there. It WILL get better.

[wildflowerchild25]

I don't know about ptsd but I know about grief and I know shoving it down and not dealing with it doesn't work. I avoided the grief over my dads death for ten years. And in those gen years I very nearly destroyed myself. Pretending grief isn't there just doesn't work. it will always come back for you. I imagine ptsd is the same way. The only way to get better is to allow yourself to feel all the feelings you don't want to feel. Sucks but it is the truth. Messing with your meds will only **** you up more.

I know it's hard but you CAN face the ptsd and the grief. Do you have a therapist? If not you should look into getting one. I know that journaling helped me through my grief a lot too, both with my dad and more recently with my husband.

You can do this. Don't destabilize on purpose. No good will come of it.

[*Laurie*]

Thank you for reaching out. When you reach out, there are many, many others who are inspired by your example.

I believe that your desire to be unstable is actually your mental illness lying to you. It is as though you have an overtired, tantrumming little child attached to your leg, begging for a candy bar. You have to be the adult and tell the 'child' (gently, but firmly): NO. You cannot have a candy bar because it is not healthy for you. Just as the little child cannot have a candy bar, so you must remain on your medication - because deep inside, you know that is what's wisest for you. (((HUGS)))

[LifeInProgress]

PTSD sucks. Grief sucks. Destabilized mental illness sucks. Being on medication sucks. Being IP sucks. Needing therapy sucks. I'll be honest and say all that up front.

Please stay on your meds so you can get healthy enough to deal with your PTSD. It is not going to go away just because you are rapid cycling. You may not feel it as much, but it will still be there.

You are hurting, and when you are hurting it is normal to want anything that will make it hurt less. We are here to support you.

[Wild Coyote]

Truly fantastic responses from our friends here. There's not much I can add.

In feeling more clear myself recently, I have become more aware of my PTSD and dissociation and the havoc it has caused in my life. It was quite an awakening and I continue to try to adjust/accept. The "realizations" haven't been pleasant. I also realized that if I again covered up the blatant realizations, it would involve generally "snowing" myself overall, which leads back to a more limited life with less awareness. It's been a painful awakening, yet a necessary step towards recovery.


WC

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

If you guys could verbally knock some sense into me, I'd appreciate it. See, I'm not fully stabilized, yet. While I'm spending more time in my "normal" state, I'm still going up and down a bit, though they don't last long. My current problem: I don't know if I want to stabilize. I know it's stupid and I know it's far from practical. It's just that the more I stabilize, the worst my PTSD symptoms are getting and the more I realize I'm still grieving from a loss. I don't want to feel that crap. I don't want to deal with it but I'll have to once my moods are in check and finally stop rapid cycling. I'm considering going off my meds just so I can stop feeling all of this. I know that's stupid and I don't know if I'll actually do it.

Please, just someone, give me a reason not to. I'm really weak right now for some damn reason and I don't know why. And I'm sorry I'm on here whining away when there's people who want to stabilize, who'd beg for it. I'm just messed up right now.

I know how you feel. When I'm stable I'm actually more stressed from dealing with life's reality. For me, stability is so boring and it doesn't help that I'm now 5 months sober and it sucks. I cry at everything. I'm feeling raw emotion and it sucks the life out of me.

[Unrigged64072835]

If you keep stuffing the PTSD and grief away by becoming unstable, it'll keep coming back and biting you in the butt. Been there, done that. Stay on your meds and work on your issues. That will help you feel better in the long run.

[MtnTime2896]

Thanks guys. So, I took my medication (the AP) late, but I took it. Everyone, thank you. I wanted to slip up and I felt myself getting higher and higher. It was so tempting to let it continue and not sedate myself back down. I wanted to so bad. I didn't and I'm here and still stabilizing.

Thanks for supporting me and having my back everyone.

[*Laurie*]

[JustJace2u]

I don't know a whole lot about PTSD so I can't really offer advice on that front, but I know what you're saying. Sending lots of hugs your way.