Agitation

Hey Flutterby, I am sorry for your pain. I am here to listen.

I agree about presenting yourself to the ER. I usually try to do so by way of my psychiatrist but even my family doctor was able to start the admissions process.

Do you have a strong parent who can act as a liaison? Some one who can help make things happen.
I also suggest you going to your GP and getting assistance to get admitted.
sorry this seems so frustrating to not get the help you want.
bizi

i dont have money for my GP right now

Flutterby11,

what country are you in? Maybe we can find hotline numbers for your location. You are a precious creature, as everyone on this thread would say. You need a PRN medication and counseling in how to use it.

Your post makes me appreciate the healthcare in the US - you go to the ER being suicidal and they do not send you back... I went in Dec and have been rebuilding my life since. The hospital staff were incredibly helpful.

That was an aside. Your mood shows as depressed - are you depressed AND agitated? That may be a sign of your being inside a mixed episode. Mixed episodes are the most dangerous, especially given that a patient who is mixed has the energy necessary to carry out suicide. Can you promise us not to self-harm?

I have called 3 different hotlines already 2 said to talk to my mental health worker. i am trying very hard not to self harm but i feel like i will cave eventually i feel horrible today i have been trying to focus on my fish but it isnt helping i am supposed to start DBT in a week but i dont know if i can make it that long.

i called my mental health worker he hung up again!

That is so unacceptable. Who is his boss? If he has a supervisor, the supervisor must know this is going on.

there is no supervisor i have tried that unfortunately

When I'm about to SH, I begin to find tiny trivial reasons why I can't: I have to get the stuff together, I have to clean it, what if someone finds out? This stuff doesn't always work but it can sometimes assist me. Other times, I do things to make me tired so hopefully I'll fall asleep before I can do anything.

Any strategies work for you?

not at the moment it is all i can think about i just want to cry and scream cause it all hurts so much but i cant. idk i am just hopeless.

You're not hopeless. The fact the you've been in so much pain for so long and you continue to fight; that alone is cause for some hope. You're strong.

i think i am about to start crying again i am so exhausted. why does it hurt so much?

Flutter I'm so sorry you are struggling.

I don't have the answer to that, I'm afraid. The only good thing about bipolar disorder, that I can think of, is that when I say, 'This to will pass' I actually mean it. We will swing out of it and we're not trapped like this forever. That being said, have you attempted going to the hospital today like the others advised?

I called my mental health worker again but i havent tried the hospital today i would have to tell my family so they could look after my fish and they would just get really mad at me and i cant deal with that right now.

My family gets mad, too. Sometimes, them being mad is okay as long as we find a way to stay alive long enough for the sun to shine. I'm not going to lie, I've been battling going to the hospital myself. It's a tough decision. Sometimes the tough decisions are what keep us alive. I don't want you hurt Flutterby, otherwise I wouldn't bring it up. The pain your in, you don't deserve that. I won't push for it anymore, promise, but I had to say it.

I want to call your mental health worker and put him/her in their place. You are struggling and they are just discarding you.

i feel so lost

Please keep posting.

I am here for you. Keep fighting!

I am sorry to hear about all you're going through. Sending lots of to you.

thanks for the support everyone i am still not feeling great i dont know if i should bother trying my mental health worker one last time or not but i am so sad i can feel it physically pulling on me like something is dragging me to hell and my insides are screaming only no one can hear this constant agony tearing me apart. everything is so heavy and there is a nagging feeling like a pinching feeling that never leaves everything hurts so deeply.

well got through to my mental health worker i sent him a text saying that i wanted to kill myself and he said he was busy for the next hour......

Is there someone you can report this guy to?

You need to go to the hospital. It's the only way you are going to get help and you need help.Plus if you feel suicidal you REALLY need to go to the hospital and get help.