Beware

Thanks

Unfortunately things are not getting any better. I have voices in my head telling me to go kill myself. Like, they're physically taking to me

But I won't go to ip because I have to go to work. I'm starting a new position and I can't mess anything up

blue, it is better safe than dead.
your life is at stake.
Call your pdoc, tell him what is going on.
go to the hospital seek help. we can only do so much. You need help in real life.
bizi

bizi is right. Honestly in my experience it is unlikely you are able to do your job well while going through what you are describing. It may feel ok but chances are pretty good that you're making mistakes because there's too much to try to focus on.

You can come up with a million excuses not to go IP but none of them change that the response to what you are telling us is that you need to be IP and getting meds fixed.

If IP is off the table, your pdoc may be very helpful to you.
If you can tell him what's going on for you, he can suggest a modified medication regimen likely to help you get back on track more quickly.

will you be using Seroquel to sleep tonight?

Please stay safe.

I hope you sleep well tonight.


WC

Ok, thanks guys.

Now that I have my meds, I will see how things go over the next two days. I haven't taken Adderall today, and with my Seroquel, I should be able to sleep. Maybe sleep will help

Then I will consider ip, I guess. Don't really want to go though. I've been ignoring the voices

It's good our ignoring the voices. If you can't call someone anyone no matter the time. We all want you safe.

Blue, we really care about you. The other posters are right; at this moment you're probably not doing your job as well as you think you are. First I'd recommend you consider IP, as it would be the safest way to stop the voices and ensure you don't kill yourself.

If that's not an option, you need to be completely open and honest with your psychiatrist. Tell him about the voices, tell him about the "others" and the thoughts you've been having over the past few days. Tell him what you've told us, and he can help you. Tell him about not taking your meds as prescribed. Tell him you flushed your others, not that you lost them on a trip. If you really have balls, tell him about the Adderall and ensuing lack of sleep, etc.

Best of luck to you. I hope you can sleep with the Seroquel, and that it helps calm your mind from the state it's been in. Again, we care - but there's only so much we can do for you.

Hey Blue, just dropping in to let you know I care about you and hope the Seroquel calms things down. Great you have stopped the Adderal, that took courage. If you had a physical medical emergency you wouldn't hesitate to go to hospital and miss work. This is no different and only those you choose to tell the truth need to know. All work need is a medical certificate and a vague story of some health complication. Staying alive and stabilising are key here. Do whatever it takes. We all support you and care. Sending love and hugs.

Blue, you are loved.

yes blue you are loved. and even though I don't know you in real life, I still care about you.
I appreciate your sense of humor. I acknowledge your stressors that you have at home with your grandmother.
I am very glad that you can work at home.
I think it is vitalling important to talk to your pdoc. You need help.
WE WANT TO SEE YOU ALIVE!
bizi

OK Blue, it's morning! Did you get sleep and is your mind feeling any relief from the paranoia?

(((((( Blue ))))))
Thinking of you


WC

Just want to say that I relate to what you're going through. Take your meds, hang in there. Go IP if necessary. The others have good advice.

Let us know how your doing, we are all thinking of you!

Hi blue...how are you?

Hey blue, please let us know how you are. We care and I know I've been worried.

Thank you everyone

I took some Seroquel last night. Slept 6.5 hours. Because I didn't get much sleep, I took it again mid morning and slept for a total of another 6 hours. (I wasn't getting ANY work done, so I figured I'd take a nap.) Seroquel has really helped me a lot. Much needed rest.

The voices are still there, and I'm still anxious and scared, but I feel a lot better. 2nd day without Adderall! I just have to have the willpower to throw away the Adderall. That's the last step. But for some reason, I just can't seem to let it go. I have an addiction to it

So happy to know you are starting to feel better!
Nice job with the Seroquel and with sleep.
Please continue taking good care of yourself.


WC

prescription amphetamines can easily induce euphoria. For a while there, starting in the 70s, prescription uppers were more tightly regulated and they weren't prescribed as much as they are now. This came after America fell in love with prescription uppers in the 40s-60s. Amphetamines+barbiturates in one pill ("goof balls"), amphetamines mixed with vitamins (for dieting...), amphetamines with low-dose old school antipsychotics in 1 pill (ThoraDex...weirdly enough, it works a lot like modern antidepressants...just...faster...), etc. etc. etc.

The good times came to an end. "Speed kills," kiddos.

I don't know if that will happen again. There's lots of money to be made on re-packaging uppers (xr, sr, er, chewables, etc.), and as long as there's a strong profit motive, I don't see heavy regulation just yet.

Sorry bout the history lesson. Just thought you might want to know that these drugs have been around for a long, long time, and you're certainly not the 1st person to have a little "issue" with them. Far from it.

On the plus side, some people can take amphetamines or ritalin if they're on additional drugs. Not an approach I would take, personally, but it does work for some people.

Glad you're feeling better. :-)

I'm glad you're feeling better. I really wish you would get rid of that adderal. I'm just so scared of psychosis. But mine was very scary.

I hope you tell your therapist what all just happened. Hugs

get rid of the adderall dude. it's life or death

i did this exact same thing 5 years ago. it's not pleasant and very dangerous. it ended with my therapist calling the police on me and i got hauled away against my will to a psych hospital.

yeah, sure. its fun at first. i am not gonna lie. but eventually it gets all dark and scary, like how it is now with your voices

This is the scariest thread I've ever read here. To watch someone in a raging psychosis and having no power to help them. It's horrific and sad and scary.

blue I am glad that you slept. Yes just get rid of the aderall.
I really think you know how bad it ends up being for you.
you got really psychotic just this past week.
It all ends badly. you know this from past experiences.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Blue, thanks for checking in. I'd also recommend you flush the Adderall. It's the one you're hanging onto the most tightly, and that should give you pause to think.

How are things today? Did you sleep again?