[mossanimal]

I've been wondering how much awareness of your disorder helps in mediating episodes. I was diagnosed late last summer so I'm still trying to get a hold on this.For example: I was very aware that I was becoming depressed this past winter. In fact.. I feel like I felt the moment it hit. I knew I was getting depressed. I know what the symptoms are. I knew I didn't have a reason to get depressed. But... the hopelessness was there anyway. So I'm wondering about mania. I'm getting into that time of year. I know I can feel mania coming on now. At least I think I do. I know that it causes me to make very, very bad decisions. Now that I know about it... can I just say no? Or.. will I create a wreck regardless?

[Moose72]

You do have a say over your own actions. Getting revved up and dancing in circles might happen anyway.

[gina_re]

It's easier to feel depressive episodes come on IMO. (Hypo) mania takes more awareness, for me at least. I had a Dr. teach me relapse prevention. It helped me to be aware of when episodes are coming on so I can do something about it before it got out of control. Unfortunately, this illness can make you hyper aware of any and all changes you experience because it takes time to know what is a real episode or what is just a natural part of life for everyone.

[mossanimal]

Originally Posted by Moose72

You do have a say over your own actions. Getting revved up and dancing in circles might happen anyway.

That sounds positive. I like it.. :-)

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[mossanimal]

Originally Posted by gina_re

It's easier to feel depressive episodes come on IMO. (Hypo) mania takes more awareness, for me at least. I had a Dr. teach me relapse prevention. It helped me to be aware of when episodes are coming on so I can do something about it before it got out of control. Unfortunately, this illness can make you hyper aware of any and all changes you experience because it takes time to know what is a real episode or what is just a natural part of life for everyone.

Yes.. that is the thing isn't it. I'm so hyper-aware of myself I don't even know what is going on anymore.

I've started using a cool mood chart on my phone.. so hoping to get some knowledge from that.

I'm jealous that you have a doctor teaching those things. Is this a psychologist? I live in such a remote area we have so little in the way of mental health care options. Only one psychologist and the bridges were burned with as soon as I got my bipolar diagnosis and started on medication. We have two psychiatrists.. and they seem to be good. But they don't do anything other than check up on me to make sure my meds are working.

I hate to be a Debbie Downer but i've been diagnosed 25 years and i have not found that knowing about episodes has helped me. I know that's not what you want to hear.

I can detect the early stages of hypomania and may go see my doctor for more meds but we haven't found any that help. I find doctors just prescribe extra Seroquel for hypomania but it gives me akathisia so i can't take it. If my mood gets too high i lose all insight and just think i've 'healed myself' and am no longer bipolar and will feel fantastic til the end of my days... It never lasts.

During the Winter i get depressed and i'm also aware of what's happening at first but then when it gets more intense i feel like i'm so under-water that i'm overwhelmed and just think life has gotten mediocre again and there will be no end... But happily, that doesn't last either!

In 2014 and 2015 i got Spring hypomanias and started very unwise renovation projects both years. But in 2016 i didn't get any. I'm hoping to skip it again this year. I used to get Fall hypomania too. Patterns change. I made a plan that if hypomania ever hits again i will be a tourist in my own city, which is a lovely city and see all the sights and do other benign activities to exhaust myself.

Could you write yourself just such a contingency plan?

[bioChE]

I've been diagnosed for 20 years and know the signs and symptoms very well. That doesn't give me any more control over the episodes. The only thing that does anything for me is med changes when necessary.

[Sad Mermaid]

I also get akathisia from high doses of Seroquel, apfei - it is a rare side effect but boy, does akathisia feel like internal torture to me...

mossanimal: 10 years since the diagnosis, I am beginning to benefit from self-awareness. Last week I recognized that my wanting to buy a computer for home use was hypomanic, and that I could purchase paniers for my bike and transport the work computer home this way. But I made so many errors in the past before reaching this stage of self-awareness. Notice what is happening with you and eventually you might get there. A contingency plan also is a good idea. A formal application of that idea is WRAP=Wellness and Recovery Action Plan, by Mary Ellen Copeland. Look up her website for very cool ideas.

[gina_re]

Originally Posted by mossanimal

Yes.. that is the thing isn't it. I'm so hyper-aware of myself I don't even know what is going on anymore.

I've started using a cool mood chart on my phone.. so hoping to get some knowledge from that.

I'm jealous that you have a doctor teaching those things. Is this a psychologist? I live in such a remote area we have so little in the way of mental health care options. Only one psychologist and the bridges were burned with as soon as I got my bipolar diagnosis and started on medication. We have two psychiatrists.. and they seem to be good. But they don't do anything other than check up on me to make sure my meds are working.

Yea it was my very first therapist who was a psychologist. Personally, I find they are more helpful than counselors. At least for my issues. But they're not always easy to find. It took me a while to find him. A good psychiatrist isn't easy either unless you're near a major metropolitan area. I don't live extremely far from the city, but far enough that going up there is inconvenient since I will have to take time off or rearrange my work schedule. Anyway, I'm rambling....I hope you are able to find one. Don't be discouraged if you don't right away. All things mental health is trial and error.

[mossanimal]

Yes.. I realize that self-awareness is only going to go so far. And I can see how higher forms of mania can totally negate that benefit...especially when delusions are involved. But I do see how recognizing early stages and being aware of red flags can help. My wife is starting to recognize them. Big, new piles of books smells like a rat here.

[gina_re]

Having someone else point out your behavior can help. He or she may be able to tell when your behavior deviates if they they know you really well.

[JustJace2u]

I'm still working on trying to figure out my episodes and the triggers that cause them. I too was only diagnosed last summer and it's been a roller coaster ever since.

[Wander]

When I begin sliding into a depressive episode it is pretty clear to me as I notice my mood drop, sleep increase, thoughts darken and motivation disappear. Knowing what is happening helps me get to the pdoc earlier and start treatment. This does help most times but some times the depression is unmoved by medication changes, lifestyle changes etc and I just have to sit it out.

Mania or hypomania on the other hard is obvious to those around me but I either can not see it or just don't want to. Getting me to comply with treatment is more difficult as I am having too much fun, or am deluded. In the very early stages I can tell things are going off as I notice a reduced need for sleep, racing thoughts, increased motivation, agitation and euphoria. Sadly most times I ignore the warning signs as I love the feeling. Only when the agitation and irritability become unbearable do I ask for help. By then I am usually going into a mixed state and they are tough to get out of. I really am trying hard to nip hypomania in the bud now since I had a horrible psychotic manic episode late last year. Hopefully I will learn from my mistakes.

[Sad Mermaid]

I also know because colors change. When I am depressed, there are no colors - in my mind's eye, everything is a shade of grey.

When I am hypomanic, the colors are extremely bright.

When I am at baseline, I see colors the way they are. I do not have acute awareness of colors, but neither is everything grey for me.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by Sad Mermaid

I also know because colors change. When I am depressed, there are no colors - in my mind's eye, everything is a shade of grey.

When I am hypomanic, the colors are extremely bright.

When I am at baseline, I see colors the way they are. I do not have acute awareness of colors, but neither is everything grey for me.

That is so true. Colours, or our ability to process colour, does change when in different states. Well spotted. That will help me in assessing where I'm at.

[mossanimal]

Thanks for the comments folks. So... because of my acute self-awareness.. I can see knowing when I'm going manic. I can see knowing that I'm starting to make bad decisions.. but just don't care maybe. This reminds me of last springs episode when I was making a very bad decision.. I knew it was bad but was compelled. The 'knowing' led to agitation, anxiety and irritability. But at the same time that I knew it was bad.. I was also deluded that it was going to be awesome in the bigger picture and that any problems I created would be worth it. That was before my diagnosis though...

I'm going to go with the carefully-worded answer, "it can help to mitigate". Not it will, but it can. It's possible. While the knowledge itself won't likely prevent anything, actions taken from this knowledge/observation can help, like getting a med change or checking with others for feedback.

Like Sad Mermaid, it might be recognizing hypo coming on by wanting to buy something. I've tuned into this one over the years and I'm like 10 years out from dx too. It takes time, and some signs will be easier to recognize than others. WANTING to stop is another matter altogether. I'll often talk myself out of seeing sense. Which is where input from others really comes in handy. Even with dx and knowledge, being "sensible" will still be a challenge, but you'll be in a better position for the fight.

A lot of books is a sign here too. Before the internet, I'd pretty much be waiting at the doors for the library to open once I got some burning idea. And proceed to clear off the subject shelf, lol.

[MBM17]

Originally Posted by bioChE

I've been diagnosed for 20 years and know the signs and symptoms very well. That doesn't give me any more control over the episodes. The only thing that does anything for me is med changes when necessary.

Me too. I have abnormally deep self-awareness ("self-insight" my therapist calls it) but it doesn't prevent the episodes. They still happen like clockwork. I'm really angry right now about the reality of this.

[bioChE]

Originally Posted by MBM17

Me too. I have abnormally deep self-awareness ("self-insight" my therapist calls it) but it doesn't prevent the episodes. They still happen like clockwork. I'm really angry right now about the reality of this.

I don't get angry at the disease anymore. Maybe it's just time that has built in the "acceptance" factor, but that's the way I feel about it. I have accepted that I'll always cycle.

[Unrigged64072835]

I didn't know I was manic when I was. I know it better now. I still have cycles (like the "depressive" episode I'm in now) but with the meds they aren't as bad, except for the anxiety. I can tell I'm depressed though. That seems to be a regular thing.

[Nammu]

I think inter zone makes a very good point. It's easier to learn to recognize the early symptoms but much harder to want to change the course especially when heading for hypomania as I think hypomania is a bit addictive. It took me lots of years to want boring stability. Let's see......mm..yeah, 30 yrs from my diagnosises I'm finally wanting the stability. I have to confess up to not really doing much to stop the descents either, in part from the PTSD or just because I felt I was destined to die young.

[LadyShadow]

I have known for 13 years that I was bipolar. Only the past 10 years I have accepted it though. The mania and the depression just hit me still unfortunately. I am aware they are happening but I can't stop or control them EVEN with the help of medication.

Sorry I wasn't more help, I hope you at least have a mood chart to keep track