[glowsinthedark]

I've been thinking lately about the relationship between "work" and a sense of self, especially since my moods and my work are so intertwined (I think because there is a crisis of meaning when depressed, and an overabundance of meaning when hypo/manic). I'm curious to know:

1. What is your job (the thing you get paid for)?
2. What is your relationship to your job? Is it something you 'just do' to pay the bills, is it something that you do because it fulfills you? both? neither?
3. Do you do other activities that you don't get paid for but consider "work"?
4. What is the relationship between your job (or "work") and your moods?

I don't see too much detailed discussion on here about employment etc., which is such a big part of life - whether you have it or not...

[wiretwister]

sad to say for a great many years I am my job ... I fix anything and everything in the alarm industry ... major international co. ... my moods very much fluxuates around my work ... I used to preach ... and I have the same approach to both ... they are my calling .... my ip was caused by work stress and a nut pdoc with a loose rx pad ... used to do BSA volunteering (20 years) but have given that up now ... about ready to give it all up ... would retire tomorrow if I could afford it ...

me and work ... one and the same ... it is who I am ... sad I know ... that's what my generation did ...

[gina_re]

I work with scholarly articles and analyze them for input into our database.
This job is directly related to my major. I applied within a week of graduation, and I had the job three months later. I got the job I really wanted. It pays a decent salary, I'm able to support myself as a homeowner.
However, lately there have been way too many changes. I did fine the first couple of years because I was doing the same thing, not many changes to what I was doing. But there are lots of reorganizations/restructurings going on lately. And I've been switched all over the place in what I have to do. I guess my brain can't process all of these changes that keep happening because I'm going mad and don't even like it anymore. At the same time, I love the company I work for, it's just that morale is down in general. So the stress has caused depression to linger for longer than it should.

Other activities I consider to be "work" is housework and yardwork. I hate them both.

[hopeless2015]

Here is where I'm at. I work for a university and have 22 years in. I can never go anywhere else and make what I make at this point in my life. I'm thankful for fmla because without it I wouldn't have a job at all right now. Having said that I have a very boring job, there is no satisfaction in what I do. When I'm depressed the combination if the depression and lack of hot in my job is unbearable

[hopeless2015]

Lack of joy not hot

[pirilin]

I feel bad. When I work. So many things to do. So many hobbies. So many places to visit. Working is pitiful.

[Naynay99]

I work as a science teacher. I love it, except when I hate it. I do feel like it is a very big part of my life and that is meaningful. I like it bc I don't have to deal with adults all day long, and I get to do cool stuff like blow stuff up and dissect frogs! Im Not sure I could do something for 8 hours a day that I didn't feel made some sort of difference. And I would feel Claustrophobic if I were stuck in a cubicle all day. And kids are funny and never boring.

But sometimes I wish I had a mindless job that I could just leave at work and not take home with me or stress over. Where there was less bullsht attached. The endless paperwork and minutia and fake committees and meetings and irate parents and kids in crisis and over testing and writing curriculum and teacher evaluation systems, etc. it's enough to drive one batty. But it helps pay the bills, and it can be fun.
(Of course the biggest reasons that I teach is for the huge salary, the societal accolades, and summer vacations off<sarcastic grin>)...

As far as my job and my moods, I sort of think teaching is a good job for someone of my temperment. Being creative and weird and coming up with crazy ideas for lessons and getting excited about dumb **** make me a good teacher. Most days you can close your door and just do things how you want. And kids are pretty nonjudgmental. Teenagers know moody, after all!

When depressed it is harder because you can't hide out, you are always "on". But I have found even when sui depressed I can usually still show up for work and do my job. The kids are so needy and I am so busy that I don't have time to think about myself or my problems. Of course, getting out of bed in the morning is often a struggle. And too much stress kicks my depression into overdrive. I can get easily overwhelmed.

There are times when depressed that I just really can't do it and I will have to call out sick or plan a science movie day or something. But I think working at a job with a regular schedule being around people and feeling like I make some sort of difference have helped keep me alive. And it is one place where I don't feel like a total **** up or failure. I'm not teacher of the year but I do a pretty good job and i always advocate for my kids.

I think more than defining me, what my job does is it keeps me grounded.

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by Naynay99

I'm not teacher of the year but I do a pretty good job and i always advocate for my kids.

.

I can not think of a more worthwile use of a life ... than to advocate for kids ... esp now a days ....

Ty .... Tigger.

Thank you, glowsinthedark, for this thread. My situation is different, I guess. My first real therp said my work history is a symptom of bipolar disorder. I had 15 occupations in 10 years (not jobs -- more of those -- I mean OCCUPATIONS)

I have been a public school teacher. The only job there I liked -- really loved - was teaching Kindergarten. In the mid-1960s, it was a do-able job. The teaching conditions, and stiff requirements for the KIDS are now increasingly impossible for teachers, imho. I put in one year, my then-husband moved us away to another area of the state, so I had to leave my wonderful school. That's the way women were in those days. Go where the husband wanted to go. I cried in the car all the way to the next place we'd live. But I never would have lasted in public school teaching a few years later on-- the System kept upping, upping, upping the level of tolerance to teaching Kindergarten -- or any other grade. But my then husband also brought in a good income. The same issue teacher's had demanded back then are still the same: Maximum class size!! Teachers -- and the kids -- still do not have this, so that real teaching can actually happen. There are a very few teachers who have a natural ability to manage everything in a classroom. But many if not most teachers have a terrible time functioning at school, and after school Many, many women teachers cry after getting off work, for their first three years. I did! I would cry, fix something very, very small and simple for supper, and go to bed. Then I would rest or sleep all weekend. Sunday night, I had trouble sleeping, dreading Monday morning.

I finally found my calling – teaching piano as my own “boss.” I was a creative and unique teacher, the only one in the area that could teach kids so they craved practice time. One family of 5 kids all took lessons from me, and their mother had to buy a second piano so they would not argue about "who got the piano" This I did for about 20 years. BUT I could not work more than a few half-days each week. My income was small, although my hourly rates were high, and I had no trouble attracting students who could pay my rates.
I had another husband then, who brought in good money, so that was why I could get along on part time. When I divorced him I had to move to another city in hopes of finding work.

I got one or two full time jobs. I got run off from one because I was instructed to lie to customers, and said that it would be better to tell them what time the next day I would get the (overloded work projects) done, rather than promising I'd get them that afternoon, when I knew that was not possible, then stand them up. I quit another one or two because they tried to force me to work for free after hours (typical -- it's now called wage theft, but it's still happening.) I would be shaking all over after some of these days. I tried temping in office jobs. I tried going to Vocational Rehabilitation. They did not find any meaningful work, nor any work at all I could do. They wanted me to temp at clerical jobs again, and I'd call my worker at my lunch hour and rage and sob.

Finally I was given Social Security Disability. I'm still convinced that if I'd been given reasonable accommodations I would not have needed Disability insurance. I needed shorter work hours -- 35 hours a week or less. I needed to not be forced to work overtime, or have wage theft. I needed a job where I was not asked or required to do illegal or unethical work. I needed to work for one boss -- not 5, not 2. I needed to have a door to close so I would not be interrupted constantly. I needed a dark room to go to if I was getting upset, so I could calm down. I mean a really dark, dark,temporarily private room. I needed a place to lie down and rest on breaks -- like women's REST rooms used to have before the Women's movement wanted women to work as hard as men and took out the couches, rather than help the men work less hard. I am a feminist, but that approach was definitely backwards for women and for men.

[Trippin2.0]

Its a love hate relationship.

So much of it defines me, because its the only place I get some self worth from, and I'm working in a rehab with recovering addicts, so it has an incredible sense of meaning too.

In the same breath, I hate the fact that I am "trapped", that I can't come and go as my mood dictates.

I work for very lovely people who have been very accommodating and allow me MH days off when my depression is too overwhelming, but still at times, when I just want to chuck it in the fuqqit bucket, its barely enough... The depression I just emerged from, I very nearly quit, bills made me stay.

Other things I consider work is housework, hate it, but feel proud of myself when I manage to get through it successfully.

Idk I think my BP would like way more flexibility, but I don't have that option and its downright maddening at times.

[Raindropvampire]

My relationship with work is hateful. I hate being on a schedule. I hate having to do something that takes EVERYTHING I have and leaves me nothing so all I can do is sleep on my days off. And the really sad thing is I'm the 3rd shift manager of a gas station. You simply cannot have an easier job and I can't hack it but I have no choice. I honestly can't get by on what I'd get on disability. My bills are too much. Maybe once the car is paid off

[Theresa1991]

1. What is your job (the thing you get paid for)?

I am doing a trainee right now to get my lawyer's title. It is half work, half study and I get paid for it but very little (just enough to survive).

2. What is your relationship to your job? Is it something you 'just do' to pay the bills, is it something that you do because it fulfills you? both? neither?

Sometimes I like law, sometimes I deeply despise it. Right now I work in the Foreign Ministry for three months and it is okay. Anyway, most of the time I want to do something different, more creative, more independent.

3. Do you do other activities that you don't get paid for but consider "work"?

Yes, I am a writer, so I consider writing and planning new creative projects kind of work. It is at least more than a hobby.

4. What is the relationship between your job (or "work") and your moods?

Sometimes work calms me down and makes me feel more stable. I guess it is the routine. Anyway, it can make me feel depressed as well, if I don't find any meaning to it. When hypomanic I have huge difficulties to concentrate on work because I have so many better things to do.

[gina_re]

I forgot to mention that I get to work from home three days a week. Everyone thinks it's so great to work from home, but it's good and bad. Good because it saves on transportation costs and I don't have to worry about buying a lot of clothes for work everyday. But I have a home office and my bed is right across the hallway and it makes it so much easier to want to go back to sleep when I'm having a bad day instead of pushing through it. And it's isolating. So it can keep the bad mood going since I don't have anyone else to talk to during the day. So I sit and ruminate about all that is bad instead of getting up and distracting myself by talking to a coworker. I think that makes it worse. But then again, it's expensive getting to work! I live over 50 miles away from the office. Kind of a catch 22 imo. If only my schedule can be a little more flexible, because I'm still stuck with office hours.

I wish I could work. I have had 31 employers and 45 positions in 35 years. I just can't keep employment.

I have never been asked to leave a job. On the contrary I do very well and tend to get promoted rather quickly. What happens is I suffer incredible anxiety about continuing to perform at a 'perfect' level. The anxiety gets so bad that I convince myself I will get fired if I don't - even though I am told I am doing very well. I sabotage the whole thing by quitting before my feared failure. And then the pattern continues and so on.

I am far from being able to try again.

I do software stuff. I like it.

I get paid very well to do it (I have a Master's), and I get to work from home whenever I want, which is very nice.

My boss only cares that I get the work done on time. So if I want to work from 11pm to 6am (for example), he's totally fine with that. To me, that's awesome.

At my old job, I had to force myself to get up early to go to work. It was a horrible commute that I never asked for. (I was supposed to work at a company satellite office much closer to home. We agreed that I would work there when I accepted the job, but they changed it 1 month before I started, which pissed me off.) I also wasn't particularly fond of the work I was doing there, either. IDK how to describe it, but all I was doing was reviewing documents for them. Uhhh, I have a Master's in Computer Engineering. Why am I reviewing random legal documents that don't pertain to anything engineering? Shouldn't this be given to a lawyer who knows what they're doing? Whatever. I quit the job after 4 months because it had induced a mixed episode and I couldn't take it anymore. Oh, and I had to work 10 hours a day for less than average pay, which was b_llshit.

[piano97]

I am a RN and currently taking a break after struggling the past 2 years. I could not function well enough to work at a hospital anymore. I tried an outpatient clinic and still struggled and had a bad episode last summer/fall. I'm still struggling even without working. Med change this week, hoping it helps get me out of the house. I've been making myself go for walks everyday and that is a good step.

Prior to getting ill, I loved my job and by all accounts was great at it. I hope to get back to that point again.

1. What is your job (the thing you get paid for)?

I am a high school English teacher in my 31st year of teaching.

2. What is your relationship to your job? Is it something you 'just do' to pay the bills, is it something that you do because it fulfills you? both? neither?

I LOVE my profession (I don't consider it just a job to pay the bills.) The kids are great. Each period of each day is different and always challenging. Keeps me on my toes. I've been with the same school district for all but my very first year of teaching and I am quite certain when I retire, I will retire from this same district. This school and this town are my home.

3. Do you do other activities that you don't get paid for but consider "work"?

I am also a member of a major symphony chorus. I don't consider that "work" though; I consider that my passion. It is a time-consuming commitment, but it is worth every minute of every rehearsal and performance. (It is completely volunteer "work"; we don't get paid.)

4. What is the relationship between your job (or "work") and your moods?

I honestly think my teaching and music have kept me from deteriorating into my mental health issues. They keep me driven and responsible and committed to others outside myself which for me is a major factor in keeping myself mentally healthy.

[Cdnstargazer]

Originally Posted by glowsinthedark

1. What is your job (the thing you get paid for)?
2. What is your relationship to your job? Is it something you 'just do' to pay the bills, is it something that you do because it fulfills you? both? neither?
3. Do you do other activities that you don't get paid for but consider "work"?
4. What is the relationship between your job (or "work") and your moods?

I don't see too much detailed discussion on here about employment etc., which is such a big part of life - whether you have it or not...

1. I work in Healthcare.
2. I enjoy helping people. But it also pays the bills and I now have benefits.
3. I have a side photography business. I sometimes do photography to trade for a service or volunteer for a charity I work with.
4. Shift work can be brutal for bipolar snd bpd. I have to make sure I get enough sleep and take care of my body. Take my meds etc. Sometimes I have to take cat naps randomly because of shift work and the role I have in my family.

But working is good for my mental health because I don't feel useless. It gives me another purpose.

[Wild Coyote]

I am out on total medical disability.

I miss work very much.

I am often bored. I sometimes do some intermittent volunteer work.

I have lots of responsibilities at home.
My husband and I take care of my elderly mother, etc.

Did I tell ya I miss work very much?


WC

[Naynay99]

I can relate to raindropvampire-
Sometimes doing my job sucks out all of my energy. It takes So much effort when depressed that I then I end up spending the majority of my weekends in bed trying to recover, until I have to do it all over again.
I love my job but pay a price to do it. Sometimes having a job means that I don't have much of a life. Which makes me sometimes feel sad and pathetic and inept at life.

I really feel for those of you who haven't been able to work- it must be very frustrating... ((hugs))

[JustJace2u]

1. What is your job (the thing you get paid for)? I work in the Health Information Management field, which is what I went to school for (at least for my associates degree). Currently I work in the medical records department at a major hospital system in the Chicago are, working as a release of information specialist.

2. What is your relationship to your job? Is it something you 'just do' to pay the bills, is it something that you do because it fulfills you? both? neither? I do the job because it helps pay the bills, but it is also something that I enjoy and it can be challenging at times. You have to be very careful in this field, especially because of all the rules and regulations regarding HIPAA here in the U.S.

3. Do you do other activities that you don't get paid for but consider "work"? I do babysit for a friend on occasion which I don't charge for, but yes, I do consider it work.

4. What is the relationship between your job (or "work") and your moods? My moods can change drastically, especially when I find myself working long hours. I was at a point last year where I was working 7 days a week approximately 60 hours. The pay was nice, but it eventually took a toll on me and I ended up in the hospital because I was starting to have severe SIs.

[Ripose]

I despised my old job so much it drove me to physical/mental breakdown. But just at the same time the company came out with an early retirement package, so they gave me $30,000 to retire plus I still had my company pension funds for whenever I needed them. The amount of money they gave seemed pretty decent for 1993, so I retired when I was 32.

I tried a few odd jobs here and there but I just hated working ever again, so I eventually quit to even try. I am on disability now and am much happier.

Oh yeah, I managed to stay afloat for so many years because I did extremely well on the stock market and along with my retirement payout, pension and inheritance I managed very well.

Now I am broke and, in debt but I am happy basically because of meds, not working and my wife.

[Trippin2.0]

Wow I thought it was just me who is basically non functional on my days off...

Kind of relieved to hear I'm not too weird and that others have to spend the day recharging too.

[scatterbrained04]

1. What is your job (the thing you get paid for)? ...I am a practice manager (healthcare).

2. What is your relationship to your job? Is it something you 'just do' to pay the bills, is it something that you do because it fulfills you? both? neither?....I generally enjoy my job and have a little schedule flexibility. At times it can be very overwhelming and stressful though. Sucks a lot of energy out of me. But I love being a part of this practice and have seen it grow from a very small practice to a much much larger one. I've been there almost 10 years. Also there for the money too. Definitely not just there to pay bills.

3. Do you do other activities that you don't get paid for but consider "work"? ...Chores. Paying bills. Running errands. Hate them all.

4. What is the relationship between your job (or "work") and your moods?...Messes with my moods for sure. Deal with a lot of anxiety and stress. That all ends up triggering depression. I take a lot of **** with being the practice manager. It effects me. I have to be VERY careful.