[mossanimal]

In my never-ending quest to understand my life in terms of my bipolar diagnosis.. I'm now reflecting upon the things I did in my college years while drunk. This post was inspired by the other thread 'Worst things you've done while manic'.

I'm a pretty reserved person for the most part... not 'shy' but .. low profile. However, when in college I was always the one most likely to either embarrass myself or do something stupid or even violent. While I've never been an alcoholic on anything like a daily basis... but when I did drink it was usually too much. I won't get into some of these things but one example is an incident at a party I threw. For some reason we all went out into the nearby woods and at some point and I took off my clothes and started running and howling like a wolf. I eventually stopped somewhere and just slept in the leaf litter. None of my friends did anything like this. Just an example and obviously very embarassing for me the next day. I was always the last one to fall asleep and also the most likely to take off with people I didn't know to keep the party going (when my friends were done). I also did a lot sexual things that don't need to be discussed. Obviously people do things they wouldn't when drunk... but I was always the outlier amongst my college peers both as an undergrad and grad student. The significant thing to me is HOW different I was from sober to drunk.

So I just wonder.. is this typical for bipolar people in general? Or does it only happen when you are technically manic or hypo-manic? This was all so long ago I can't recall if I was manic or not at these times. I remember being depressed in high school and then really amping up in college... but that also seems typical. (My bipolar diagnosis is very recent)

[bioChE]

I was always the very drunk one. Not just drunk, but plastered every chance I got. Eventually it got me in enough trouble that I stopped drinking.

[mossanimal]

Originally Posted by bioChE

I was always the very drunk one. Not just drunk, but plastered every chance I got. Eventually it got me in enough trouble that I stopped drinking.

Yeah.. 'plastered' was a good description for how I was too. Many mornings waking up wondering how I got back to my bed. I had friends express concern during that period. But alcohol never really was a problem after finally finishing college. I still always wanted to amp things up when drinking after college though... and once I started it was hard to quit. But the situations after college were always more moderated and constrained I've been less likely to give full reign to the wildness. Although I should mention that my last two 'mixed episodes' and the night before my hospitalization.. drinking was involved. But I definitely wasn't plastered.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by mossanimal

The significant thing to me is HOW different I was from sober to drunk.

Same here, and I think there are many possible factors there without all of them being applicable to everyone. Alcohol can release inhibitions of one kind or another that would otherwise keep us from doing certain things, and then I do believe "manic" played in along with that a times. For myself, however, and actually firstly, alcohol completely changed or somehow altered my perceptions of everything and everyone around me...and that ultimately led to my new-found feeling of being completely free to go places and do things (as if I had suddenly been transformed from a "nobody" to "possibly somebody")...and there is where (at least in my own case) I did some things like your running through the woods naked while howling like a wolf.

I was usually the most sober one in my group and watching out for others who would drink too much or have trouble handling their liquor. If I was in a mood state before drinking, or drinking to curb social anxiety because I had to be around people when I really didn't want to be, I ran into trouble. My answer is a little more complicated than that, but that's pretty much the jist. My ex husband is the violent type of bipolar, and alcohol really did a number on him. My son seems to have that same issue. 99 times out of 100, I drank with zero consequences......the other times I choose not to talk about. Drinking while being in an upswing leads me to where you would imagine doing such a thing would lead. Drinking during a downswing followed that same rule.

[rwwff]

There is a reason I do not drink alcohol; and "The significant thing to me is HOW different I was from sober to drunk." is exactly it. And once started, had no sense of moderation, and I think I almost poisoned myself once on whiskey, drank the whole bottle (fifth or 750ml, not sure), one sitting, just a couple hours or so. Do not recommend.

[fishin fool]

This is a great thread and a great and interesting topic.
I was one of the wilder and free spirited people in my group of friends
when I was young, high school and a few years after.
I was diagnosed with bipolar late in life as well.
Now I look back and realize that I always had it and the wild times where
partly because of it. I always drank on the weekends back in those days and
I think my mood when drunk was more a result of the bipolar than the drinking
because I can remember feeling happy and fired up and that is the mood I would
be in when drunk I also remember being depressed and feeling very mellow and
laid back when drunk. I don't know if any of this makes sense or helps you in any
way but I hope it's some food for thought. I know you've got me thinking about
it now so like I said it is a very interesting topic.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by rwwff

...once started, had no sense of moderation...

I would guess that was likely caused by an involuntary (nothing to do with intellect or emotion) physical reaction stemming from a certain derivative of alcohol being present in the body during metabolization...

"First the drinker takes a drink (for whatever reason or reasons);
"Then the drink takes a drink..." << an involuntary physical reaction
"Then drink takes the drinker." --unknown

That does not happen for most people who drink, but it certainly did with me!

[mossanimal]

Thanks folks. I had a feeling there would be shared experiences here.

Ha... thinking about this brings back so many memories. Despite a few very bad things.. and cases where I'm lucky I'm alive... man those were fun years. I remember coming up with these 'grand, incredible' theories and ideas at parties and running about and getting everybody fired up (during grad school in biology). Then the next day nobody could really remember them and neither could I.. and I was always disappointed.

Jeez.. more memories. During the time of my 'party-theorizing' was when I filled out an entire notebook with this theory of evolution I was coming up with that synthesized a bunch of other ideas together (I was sober when writing). I kept working on it until I started realizing how bad of an idea it was. I remember having this huge sense of relief that I never showed it to my professor. So yeah.. I can definitely see how the mood I was in while sober would amplify with alcohol.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by mossanimal

I remember coming up with these 'grand, incredible' theories and ideas...

Once while sitting and waiting at a train crossing, I saw something about wearing rubber shoes printed on the side of a boxcar and reached for my voice recorded while coming up with a routine and thinking I might later invite George Carlin as my opening act. On another day years later, I felt certain life would be great if I could just learn to party like the stars of "Animal House"...and then one of them died from something like that. Bottom line? It all seemed so great while it all still seemed great...

[mossanimal]

Originally Posted by leejosepho

Once while sitting and waiting at a train crossing, I saw something about wearing rubber shoes printed on the side of a boxcar and reached for my voice recorded while coming up with a routine and thinking I might later invite George Carlin as my opening act. On another day years later, I felt certain life would be great if I could just learn to party like the stars of "Animal House"...and then one of them died from something like that. Bottom line? It all seemed so great while it all still seemed great...

This is getting diverted from drunkeness.. But I love to hear experiences like this. This just made me remember why I got fired from this great research assistant position. For one.. I got in trouble at the field station I was staying at because of a party I had and the mess I left in my room... but I also started coming up with a 'better idea' of how to do something that my boss (a tiny Venezuelan woman with a very fiery tempermant) came up with. I won't get into particulars but it involved mollusks, surface area and .. jello. That was the last straw. In retrospect I still think that idea may have worked.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by mossanimal

...made me remember why I got fired from this great research assistant position...
...the last straw. In retrospect I still think that idea may have worked.

Many thanks for the belly laugh! Been there, done that and puked on the T-shirt a time or two myself...

[Theresa1991]

Wow, thanks for this thread.

I have been wondering for a while, if it is the bipolar who makes me do the things I do when drunk or if it is just the drinking.

I tend to feel the bipolar has a good part in it because I act very differently when drunk in a hypomanic phase than when depressed and drunk.

I did sooo many things. Gosh. I become the life of the party (that I actually am while sober already when hypo). A huge part of it was sleeping around. Then becoming a "undergorund berlin tourist guide" to strangers (regularly, these nights end with buying drugs). Last time drunk a guy who wanted something from me made a joke about my sister (in case I wouldn't have him maybe she would) and I totally got the joke and just wanted to "joke back" by basically assalting him and pressing him against the wall and shouting that I would smash his face in if he made another joke about my sister. Everybody in the room froze and I felt so embarassed because I was just joking and noone got it.

Yeah, and so many other stories. The one time I broke my hand and injured my ribs when doing Muay Thai with a stranger who was so much taller than me. The many times ending up in flats of total strangers. The grandiose ideas. Everybody seems to love me when I am drunk until they don't.

Sometimes I just want to hide and never crawl back out to daylight.

[bizi]

I believe my bipolar is out of whack hypo/manic when I sneak drinking and am compulsively drinking like a fish. I believe my medications have stopped working and would like to change them up.
pdoc wants a mood chart to document the need.
sigh
I think I know what is best for me.
bizi
I have increased drinking for the past 3 years.....either have been low grade hypomanic that long or I am an alcoholic.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

I wasn't necessarily the most out-going of the group, but definitely the most unpredictable. I would go from stone faced to cracking up, happy, angry, within an instant.

One night in particular, which was relayed back to me by my friend, she literally said i was "acting bipolar" around her. This was 4 years before i was diagnosed. She said i would come up to her, be all sensual and seductive to her, and then walk away for 15 minutes, come back, and start yelling at her, calling her names. Then go back to sweet. She said i cycled through this throughout the entire garage party. I was sort of surprised, but more so intrigued.