[Naynay99]

Hey. So I have some health stuff going on which always makes me worry my illness from when I was younger is coming back. Not gonna get into it, but it's pretty inevitable to happen one of these days.

But. I wonder- what if the universe heard all my suicidal ideation and fantasies about ending it all while depressed and so now this is what I get?
The great and powerful oz (or god or whoever) could be saying- hmm, so you wanted to die, did you? Okay- wish granted... And I will have to deal with some ****ing physical illness killing me off instead of this MI.

I know I probably sound paranoid, but I would probably deserve it if i the universe decided to quickly smother out my life after me spending so much time over the years wanting to not be here.

Life score: Universe 3, naynay 0

[Moose72]

This makes total sense. But- I don't think you'll catch some deadly disease anytime soon. But it still makes sense to me!

Maybe I'm so sick because I've wished for death so much or the times I've gone farther than simple wishing. I'd be fine with it if they'd just get it over already and kill me. I couldn't have done anything to deserve this much pain and assault. I relate to how you feel Naynay but I think it's unhealthy thinking. I'm not sure of your background but I'm an abuse victim and I've learned that we often blame ourselves and think we deserve things we obviously don't. Abusers and Society are by nature very victim blaming so it's not like we have much chance of not feeling we deserve things we don't. Stress causes disease so in the end, mental illness could cause physical illness and death. I know that isn't good news but it's the truth. (((Hugs)))

[Naynay99]

Yeah. I'm probably being morbid and thinking too negatively here... I"m not talking about some hypothetical deadly disease though.
This health issue is something i have dealt with since I was a kid; it has been pretty much "controlled" up until now but it is sort of inevitable that Eventually it will come back and that could be how it ends.

It would be some sick shiit if I fought this hard to stay alive when my brain was trying too kill me only to be offed by another disease right now!
I suppose karma doesn't work like this anyhow. Idk.

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by Naynay99

Hey. So I have some health stuff going on which always makes me worry my illness from when I was younger is coming back. Not gonna get into it, but it's pretty inevitable to happen one of these days.

But. I wonder- what if the universe heard all my suicidal ideation and fantasies about ending it all while depressed and so now this is what I get?
The great and powerful oz (or god or whoever) could be saying- hmm, so you wanted to die, did you? Okay- wish granted... And I will have to deal with some ****ing physical illness killing me off instead of this MI.

I know I probably sound paranoid, but I would probably deserve it if i the universe decided to quickly smother out my life after me spending so much time over the years wanting to not be here.

Life score: Universe 3, naynay 0

my fear dear ... quick is ok ... that slow long lingering is bad .... if anyone deserves to be smacked down it will be me .....