[Flutterby11]

I am having the serious urge to self destruct and i dont know what to do about it i feel like i need to stop taking all my meds and i want to cry and scream at somebody i dont feel like i should trust anyone like i feel like my doctors and mental health worker are just trying to control me or suppress me in some way. like the medications are just a way to get rid of the real me. i want to go outside on a mountain and shout at the top of my lungs i want to feel things again i want to be in touch with the universe again i want to be FREE. I dont know what to do i am feeling a pull towards these things and it is strong very strong i dont know what to think. i am agitated and angry but i want to cry. i am not even sure what i am asking here maybe i just needed to let this out. i dont know!

[Flutterby11]

Now i feel like i am about to cry and everything hurts inside it is like i am feeling 2 things at once it is uncomfortable i am all jumpy too but then part of me feels like i dont even know i am sorry i am such a mess

[xRavenx]

(((hugs))). I can relate and have felt that way before. Sometimes everything gets way too frustrating. Keep posting if you feel any relief from just venting, even if it's just a little bit. Sometimes that can help alleviate some of the pain, although of course the pain is still there. Any kind of outlet is definitely important. If you need to cry and let it out, that's natural. Please don't give up on yourself! Continue to take care of yourself. Intense feelings do pass, even though it takes time.

[Hobbit House]

No need to apologize for how you feel. You have to acknowledge them. Sorry you are feeling so jumbled up inside.. I hope things get better for you.

[Flutterby11]

i hate feeling like this and i dont understand why i am so damn angry/agitated. i constantly want to yell at people everything feels hopeless. it hurts so so much.

[Flutterby11]

great everything is screwed now i feel terrible my eating issues are back and my OCD stuff and everything is just not ok right now and i have no one to talk to right now.

[Wander]

You are a beautiful human being worthy of your love and the love of others. It took me a long time to get towards self-acceptance but it was worth the effort, and a T to help me along. Still, I do have my bad days where I hate myself but it doesn't last long anymore and as one of the posts above said, we all hate ourselves sometimes. Try some self-nurturing skills and be very gentle on yourself. you have been, and are still going through, so much. It is not your fault. The illness can trick us into thinking that but it is a lie.

[Flutterby11]

i feel like i am being consumed and i want to cry. i dont know what to do

[Leia78]

Go ahead and cry if you need to, go scream into a pillow at the top of your lungs. It's ok to cry and it's ok to have a bad day or couple of days. Just don't give up and don't stop fighting. I also mentioned in another one of your threads that maybe your lithium level needs to be checked, too. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now. Things will get better. Bipolar is cyclical. And right now you're in rough place and it's important to remember that all the awful feelings and thoughts you're having are bipolar lying to you, changing your perception of what's really around you and also remember that you will cycle out of it. I know the waiting for when it will end is hard, but hang in there.

[Flutterby11]

I had a blood test yesterday but no one has told me the results. I still feel terrible and I don't know how much longer I can keep taking the lithium it is making me feel very sick and causing a lot of physical problems. I don't know what to do I feel so lost i don't know if I can keep doing this.