[batteries]

I was just curious if any of you out there have struggled with self harm and how it interacts with bipolar. I started self harming when I was 12 and to this day(I'm 18) I haven't been able to totally kick the habit. For me it seems like I tend to self harm when in a mixed state.
Actually, I just relapsed today after several months clean of cutting, and I'm sitting outside smoking and wondering if I should go to the hospital...

[sirainbowpokemon]

Mixed episodes are the worst. Every suicide attempt and self harming I've done have not been when depressed but mixed. Try a bunch of different coping mechanisms. Petting a puppy or kitten at the humane society, calling friends and family, meditation. Just keep exhausting the coping mechanisms until something works. I would also call a pdoc and therapist. Hugs!

[Wander]

Hi! Welcome to PC. For me I used to hit things and try and fracture bones more than cut. It was a way of trying to regulate my overwhelming emotions and did seem to work but of course came with bruises and fractures...and worried looks. It is not a good way to manage emotions in the end as it does more harm by re-inforcing a bad pattern and not dealing with the core problem.

I too get very bad mixed states and managing the intensity of the emotions that come with it without harming myself is incredibly difficult but I am learning. I have not self-harmed for at least 5 years and I believe this is due to the help from an excellent therapist, medications like Lithium and hard work and research on my part. I still have to deal with periods where I am very suicidal and i find that state the most difficult to manage safely so usually end up in a hospital until I can keep myself safe.

Are you safe? You mentioned hospital and a recent self-harm incident. Do you have family and friends you can lean on for support? A therapist and or psychiatrist? It sounds like you really need support right now. What makes you think you need to go to hospital right now? Please keep reaching out for help. Post here too. Take care

[Victoria'smom]

If you are thinking about the hospital then most likely it's time to go. You could call your doctor or therapist this morning for an emergency appointment .

I have self harming thoughts all the time. I'm more likely to act on them when I'm in a mixed state.

[usehername]

Originally Posted by batteries

I was just curious if any of you out there have struggled with self harm and how it interacts with bipolar. I started self harming when I was 12 and to this day(I'm 18) I haven't been able to totally kick the habit. For me it seems like I tend to self harm when in a mixed state.
Actually, I just relapsed today after several months clean of cutting, and I'm sitting outside smoking and wondering if I should go to the hospital...

Depending on the severity of the wound (and I'd say err on the side of caution when it comes to self-harm), going to the hospital is probably a good idea.

As to your first question, I have struggled with it in the past. I started at 11, stopped at 19. From a healthcare professional's standpoint and from personal experience (I'm just a peer counselor), I know that it is literally addictive and very difficult to stop doing. I think I was doing it in mixed states, too. I bake in mixed states now. In overabundance.

I read a really interesting peer-reviewed psych article the other day about the overlap between BP & BPD. It theorized that a LOT of people being treated for one or the other actually had both, and that may be why so many people were what we call "friendly faces" (and the general public probably still calls "frequent fliers" - we don't say that because we're trauma informed and it isn't recovery oriented language). It really resonated with me as someone who both works in the field and has had several family members who were actually dx'd with both. I wish I could find it, but there is really likely a strong link between the two disorders.

Anyway... one of the things that helped me was just doing other things to keep busy until I found something constructive that felt similar... I know that's vague and probably none too helpful, but that's what I did. Help would've been a better route, I think, but I don't handle help well. I also had a child around that age, which was a big part of what helped.

One thing with baking is that you can really beat the s out of that bread... like just pound it. That feels great. Meat cutters have told me the same about their jobs, but IDK with the knives... I wouldn't have been able to do it, which is part of the reason I didn't. But the kneading, pounding, etc... nice release & very relaxing. I managed to perfect a cookie recipe, too, but that was a side endeavor... I mostly baked bread. Now, it's usually cookies.

[uafscdkfn]

You should seek help asap I see this in my patients and the cutting slowly increases get services in place now so it can be managed

[franz kafka]

I've struggled with self harm. When I was a teenager, it was something of an addiction. Now I only self-harm when I'm psychotic. I was clean for about 12 years too.

I hope you can find some way out of this soon, even if it means hospital.

[Miss Laura]

I have self harmed since I was about 7. I hit my head off of things like walls and things off my head like remote controls etc. I find I do it a lot more now a days as im under a lot of pressure from myself to do good at things like college. If your worried you should go to your doctor or call your support team if you have one

[PatternsInTheIvy]

First time was 13, but I didn't really start until I was 15. Relapsed three times, and I'm now 22. Last time was in March that lasted through April, and I've been having serious thoughts lately again. Usually during mixed/depressive... Though manic, I've had really intensive episodes of active suicidal ideation and massive mental breaks. Kind of odd.

Also, mixed episodes=the worst in my opinion. Seriously. I'm not sure if I'd rather mixed or straight depressive.

Though a form self-harm I hadn't thought of and is less frequent, I tend to punch a wall or a desk or my own hand or leg when it comes high-intensity emotion (anger, frustration, sadness) or lack thereof with just emptiness. I've been Dx'd Borderline Personality Disorder; I feel the emptiness or emotions at very intensely at times, and respond at the drop of a dime.

I'm guessing a decision has been made by now, so I have you're safe regardless of your choice. I wish you a safe and speedy recovery. You can do this. Self-harm is not an easy recovery. <3

[scatterbrained04]

I started when I was about 14. I tend to only do it during mixed episodes or very severe depression. I have periods of several years at time that I don't do it. It's a key indicator to me about severe an episode may be.

[wildflowerchild25]

I started when I was 13. I was dealing with depression and getting overwhelmed by my emotions. From there it definitely became an addiction. In ninth grade I would carry a blade with me to school and do it during lunch in the bathroom. I did it frequently until I was 19. When I was 19 I had ect after an impulsive suicide attempt and my bp went into remission for awhile. I started self harming again when they resurfaced at age 25. It was much less frequent, but much more intense and dangerous when it did happen. Mostly during mixed states.

I harmed badly right after my husband died in may of 2015. ER and IP. while in the hospital I realized that I was all my son had anymore and I couldn't be doing **** like that anymore. I've only minorly harmed once since then.

I actually got a tattoo to cover up my forearm scars and dissuade me from doing it anymore. It's too beautiful to ruin. I will be getting another tattoo on my other forearm when I can afford it.

[popuri88]

I self-harm since I was 12, I'm now 27. I also got tattoos to cover up arms and thighs and never cut again ON those spots, but I found new ones I'll eventually have to cover with tattoos as it is very effective. :P

I also punch myself though.

[batteries]

Hey guys! I don't know if anyone will read this now, but I forgot I posted this after I went to the hospital. (So I did go to a hospital, everything's fine, I did need 5 stitches though.) I guess I noticed this before, but I do only seem to self harm during mixed states as well, although I've now been medicated since December and relapsed twice. I think it's getting better. I really appreciate everybody's advice though! Especially because I only recently discovered I'm bp. I guess I was just curious what the link is there, and now I know

[Theresa1991]

I have been self harming since age 14. Stopped for a few years and then occasionally got back to it.

I still do it (age 25) now when I get mixed. Happens like every few months. In November I was cutting everyday for like three weeks and then kicked the habit again until now. Anyway I am sure someday it is going to happen again.

[popuri88]

I self-harm since I was 12. Mixed episodes are the worst indeed, but depressive/dysthimic ones are just as bad.

Besides what we think of when someone says "self-harm", I also have other self-harm mechs like substance abuse and binge eating or alcohol. If I don't cut or hurt myself I use these others types of self-harm.

Funny thing: it's very different for me when I misuse meds to induce sleep vs doing it to hurt myself.

I started self harming when I was about 13. I never really consistently did it but like others mentioned during mixed episodes I would start again. I have been "clean" from it since August 2016 despite some very intense urges as of late.

I don't know much about self harm other than it provides an emotional release for the sufferer. I'm so very sorry you must deal with this and have battled it since such a young age. It's heartbreaking and so unfair. I hope you are able to get some help with this.

[Unrigged64072835]

I didn't start self-harm until my late 40s. I haven't done it lately.

[Wild Coyote]

I have no experience with self-harming.

It sounds scary to need to harm oneself for temporary relief.
I hope you find freedom from self-harming behaviors.


WC