[englishcrumpet]

Hey, guys, this is my first post here.

Pretty much all my life, I've suffered from mood fluctuations. The maximum time I've ever felt happy and normal on a regular basis has been maybe 2 months?

Typically, I get a few days every month that I feel happy, but I wouldn't call it euphoric or anything really wild. I just feel more like what I suppose a "normal" person feels on a daily basis. I don't do any reckless things during these times; I may be slightly more productive but nothing extreme; I don't stay up late working on stuff or anything like that. In fact, my behavior itself really doesn't change, just how I FEEL about everything changes. I feel calm, content, optimistic, more loving, and more connected to others.

On most days, I either feel blank, depressed, or angry/irritable. I sometimes get into the frame of mind of hating everyone and feeling superior to them and not giving a damn what they think, other times I feel extremely self-conscious and analyze everything people say to me (thinking that no one really likes me, etc).

My moods can change in a day, sometimes within the same day.

It's a rollercoaster and I desperately want to get off.

But every time I've seen a psychiatrist, they rule out bipolar disorder because my "highs" are really not that high, I guess? My highs probably don't even meet the criteria for hypomania either. Borderline has never even been considered, although I share some symptoms with it.

But I don't know. I'm so confused. What else could cause such rapid mood cycling?

I took Cymbalta for a few months and it seemed to help, but it started making me feel tired during the day (I think?) Then I stopped it cold-turkey (stupidly) and had a relapse of all my symptoms. A couple months ago, I started taking Wellbutrin, which seems to help prevent the EXTREME lows and does give me decent energy, but it really does very little for my mood swings.

My current therapist thinks I may have rapid cycling bipolar, and I'm going to see ANOTHER psychiatrist soon, but does anyone else have symptoms like these? Is it possible that it's depression that--for some reason--comes and goes? Any other ideas of what it could be? I know that I may not fit ANY particular disorder but I'd like to, just to inform my treatment.

P.S. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do any drugs, I exercise regularly, I meditate, I eat pretty healthfully...I feel like I'm doing everything right and yet I can't break free.

Hello englishcrumpet, welcome to PC! I hope you find your time here to be of benefit.

I think it would be unwise for anyone to try and diagnose you on this site, as none of us are professionals. I imagine there are several members who can relate to rapid mood swings though. Regardless of the label though, I hope you are able to find help for these symptoms and achieve stability.

[Fuzzybear]

Welcome to pc

[Unrigged64072835]

Welcome to PC! Hope this place would be of benefit to you.

I have symptoms like this, and I have both bipolar and BPD.

[still_crazy]

hi. are you introverted? i am. nothing wrong with it, but I do think my introversion was too extreme, and it was feeding my tendencies towards moodiness and straight up psychosis. I flashed back to a therapist who told me to push energy out of my eyes, instead of bringing the world into my mind and dealing with it from there. does that make any sense? That's the only thing I could think of that I thought might help you.

Other than that...labels aren't that great. At best, they'll get treatment covered by insurance and guide drug selection. Even then, I've found that I do best with doctors who treat the worst problems ("symptoms"), rather than playing by the dsm playbook.

Welcome to the forums. :-)

[englishcrumpet]

Thanks for the welcome, everyone!

To answer your question, still_crazy, I am actually very extraverted. Sometimes the only thing that helps me break out of one of these moods is spending time with others. I often feel at those times that I am forcing myself to "perform" at least, and that can help. However, that has its limits as well because there are other times when I feel like being around others makes things worse; if I feel too low to even "perform", then I end up acting so differently around people than I usually do, and it makes me feel bad about myself.

Like...usually, I'll act (sometimes genuinely, sometimes not) as very outgoing, positive, eccentric, and funny. But if I can't muster that persona, I can become quiet, withdrawn, serious, and blank. And I really hate acting like that around people.

Also, about the diagnosis thing, well...I just really want to pursue the right treatment, and bipolar disorder is treated so differently than uni-polar depression or OCD, etc, etc. I'm terrified of taking lithium though. I've heard so many horrible things. So unless I really and truly am diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I'll avoid lithium like the plague. But if I do really have it and need to take it? I'll try.