Pdoc retiring and I'm freaking out

I've known about the retirement for like 8 months and should have had time to adjust, but my final appointment is in a week and I'm starting to panic. I'm Bipolar 1 with a nice mix of anxiety, eating issues, alcoholism, etc... I've been seeing him since 2003. He got me through my major manic episode and got me functioning and back to work. He has referred me to both a therapist to talk and a nurse practician for meds. But he's the only person who understands me and my bipolar.

I'm scared: What if I have another episode? What if my meds need tweaking? What if I can't handle this?

You'll do fine. I've changed psychiatrists a lot over the years due to moving or them just sucking. If you don't like the NP, find another doc. There are others out there who can pick up your chart and start where this guy is leaving off.

I can understand that you are scared! That is normal. He has been the one who has supported you for years. If I were you I would have allowed myself at least one "grieving-evening" and cried for the loss. After that may be your "THANK YOU" to this very good helper, should be to try to use all you have learned from him. He is still there in your memory! But to have a serious chronic disorder can be hard, so I would have started to see a new one, if I were you! Please remember that the new therapist is another person and probably will do things differently than the one you are used too. Please give him the time he need to get to know you. Be strong! He will never be the same as the one you are loosing now, but perhaps you can learn something new from him ...

You will make it!

Thank you for the wise words. I think I do need to grieve a little and maybe write him a thank you.

What if you end up liking your new providers the same or better? That is a possibility too.

I don't say that to be glib, but was compelled to write because I recently got new providers and now I wish I hadn't put it off so long. And I would have said virtually the same as you did about your retiring provider about her! But I could no longer ignore financial facts (old provider not covered). I'd put it off for 2 1/2 years(!) out of fear of change.

I feared the same things as you. Just wanted to share a real life example of the positive alternative. (And believe me, I can worry and catastrophize with the best of 'em. To the level I'm dx'd with GAD as well. I don't "do" pie in the sky, happy-happy pollyanna bs. It's got to be real.)

And there was one med change. That was positive too. So you never know!

Good thoughts

I'm so glad you posted this. You'll get through this. I promise you: you will get through this. I am absolutely NOT saying it isn't hard or terrifying or sad or a whole slew of other shi**y things. It's all of those and more and I'm so sorry this is happening.

I know how it feels. It's rotten! My pdoc retired after I had been with him 21 years. He was the only one who understood me the way he did. He taught me how to think--not just about bipolar but in general--because he thought out loud when we were discussing. That's huge! It was hard and sometimes still is. But you get through with help and hugs.

Some ideas...

First, do not be hard on yourself because you put it off. You need extra love going through this, not a punching. OK? You put it off with good reason. It totally makes sense that you did. Don't make the situation worse by beating yourself up. Be as compassionate as you can toward yourself.

Have you told pdoc what you've just told us? If not, DO!

Can your old pdoc recommend someone for you?

Then...Down the road, can you see if he will consult with your new doc (whoever that turns out to be) on your behalf to kind of pave the way for a more knowledgeable and helpful understanding? You usually have to pay both doctors for something like this, and of course you'll need a release of info, but when your old doc talks to your new doc, you might feel better grounded because he's passing along that understanding you cherish.

If your doc can't refer, ask your therapist. And consider signing a release right away so that, if this issue causes increasing stress in therapy that makes you at high risk for falling off the edge, your therapist in conversation with your prescriber can possibly help to bring you back quicker than without.

Contact your local NAMI chapter. Turn on your location and Google, "NAMI near me." They have support groups with live people who are like us, and their staff should be able to provide you with referrals to additional support sources and a listening ear. Kindness, support, understanding. You know? What you need a lot of when going through this.

Last, remember us. We're all here for you. We are here. And so are the people in your life that love and support you. I am so sorry for how damn SCARY this is! Take whatever PRN meds you have for the anxiety and think about all those sources of support. Family, friends, your new doc, your therapist, US.

Hugs!

I had a T that I didn't particularly like. The sessions were a chore and if I were late she'd call my cell phone and tell me to hurry up! So one day, she announces that she'll be retiring soon. I started to cry! I don't cry in T's sessions or Pdoc for that matter. It totally caught me off guard. So I get where you're coming from. You really miss them when they know you so well.

My pdoc recently retired too. I was really worried about finding someone as good after spending 15 years with him. It turns out that I appreciate having a new point of view. My new doc has put me on medicines that the old doc wouldn't consider. I miss him because he knew the REAL me, deep down inside, like no one else. But there is an upside. I wish you the best.

I understand how you feel. I've been with my pdoc for 15 years after I'd been through many others. Each time I go in we talk for 45 minutes and he knows my condition well. If he retired I would be very upset because he is an important part of my support team. Have you asked your retiring doctor for referrals to someone like him? Change can be a good thing. Good luck and best wishes finding a pdoc that best fits you.

WOW! I needed to hear every word you've said. I have an unsupportive partner who never liked my pdoc so he's being especially callous. I think I need to be on this site much more. I don't think there is a NAMI near me but I will check. It's so hard to know how much of what I experience is the bipolar and how much is just my personality or flaws. It is so helpful to hear from others to remind myself that I'm NOT crazy to think that I really have a mental illness that manifests itself in lots of struggles and behaviors. I have felt very alone and overwhelmed recently, and I am agitated/depressed. I know most of it is the retirement, but it's also overworking, fighting with partner, daily stressors. I neglect myself and my sanity because I'm supposed to "act" like I'm handling it or as if it doesn't even exist. Still wearing a happy face in public and dead at home. That gets me on the edge of trouble.But I recognize it when it's happening and try to reboot/reset. So that's progress Thank you for the valuable advice!

I think this is important! Depression and other plagues might hinder us from living out who we are to the fullest. The time we are living in is also a busy one. People don't have time for each other. To have one person who really knows one might be crucial, because to be recognized for who one is, to be seen as a person with many traits, is so valuable.

I have found it useful to set apart time (my therapist is retired as well) to write down all my positive traits that people seem to ignore (and read the list often) and in that way help myself to continually reinforce what is good in me. That helps me to feel those traits when I'm in situations were I feel totally misunderstood.

Depression and Bipolar Alliance have online support groups in real time for those who have no support groups near them:

DBSA Online Support Groups - Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

Aww. I'm really glad you found this helpful. Super glad.

Ironically, today I have an appointment with the new prescriber. She's an hour and half away. The area we live in is a "psychiatric care desert" or something like that, meaning there is an enormous lack of docs and therapists in comparison to the need.

Keep us posted on this part of your journey.

I totally agree that people don't take time for each other. It's sad. I was telling my husband last night that even forum communication has changed so much in the last fifteen years. It's gotten shorter--so much shorter. I think that might be because we are all so accustomed to multi-tasking, Tweeting, and texting. A sort of "get your 140 characters in before she blows" kind of thing. I'm always worried I am too windy on here.

Change can be hard, even when it's anticipated. Since your pdoc referred these two he must've had some experience with them. He's looking out for you and that's cool. Take time to grieve the loss, and give your new providers some slack.