[RomanJames2014]

Just a rant but I hate that since I'm "high functioning" people don't belive that I have bipolar disorder.

I always get the same response of people telling me they never see any thing change or different or they just turn the other way.

Like why is it harder for other people to accept it.

I feel like I stopped my meds in my last relationship because the guy I was with kept saying he's never seen me in a "bipolar way".
He had anxiety and depression and I think undiagnosed borderline personality disorder.

Sorry I'm taking Ativan for the first time since I was 17 in 2008 and I'm hypomanic but in slow motion it seems. Wierd combo.

[zijax]

People don't get this illness whether you're high functioning or not. Most of us expend tremendous amounts of energy to pretend to be normal in a world that doesn't accept mental illness. We are warriors eh? Mental health warriors fighting the stigma...often silently...bravely....but never alone. We're here for you Roman, please be careful going off meds, does your pdoc know you quit taking them? I'm hypo now too, know how it feels, watch that credit card spending, I know I just maxed mine.

[rwwff]

Perhaps put on a different set of armor; no one gets to know. Don't tell, as long as you're high functioning and have access to the knowledge, insight, and medical support necessary to keep you that way, its none of their business.

[*Laurie*]

When people tell me I don't appear to be mentally ill I feel like screaming YAY! My meds are working!! I mean...don't people get that...that the whole purpose of medication is to make us more normal?

[scatterbrained04]

I know just what you mean. I can be incredibly unwell but no one takes me seriously. Now I just don't bother telling anyone.

[cmorales]

Fair Warning: This response is a pretty long, and I feel a bit off topic at times, but for some reason I just felt I should put it out there given we're on the subject of "high functioning."

I see being "high functioning" as a good thing, but not in any sort of derogatory way. Not in any sort of "We're better than you" way, but ... well, let me explain:

Yes. It is quite common for normies to not understand the disorder and since they cannot, at the moment, see it, they just assume it isn't there. (Oddly enough, many of these people pray to deities for our -- and their -- protection based on faith. Faith: Deeply held beliefs with no supporting evidence that no amount of evidence to the contrary is likely to change. Basically, a man-made delusion.)

Normies see a high functioning individual and assume everything is alright.
What things might they not see?
What will they likely never see (if they don't stick around in our lives for very long)?

They might not see us taking our meds.
They might not see the internal struggles (unless they quickly become externalized).
They may or may not see the sudden onset of symptoms returning to life after possible years of dormancy. And they may or may not be able to deal with such a situation.

It's not really their fault that they don't understand. However, their downfall is the fact that many actively choose not to educate themselves about the disease and the issues that come along with it, outside of what they see on TV and in movies.

Which is where our "high functioning" might be able to help in some circustances. We present such a "normal" appearance and attitude to the normies that, if anybody can effectively deliver the needed information about the disease to them, it is us... now if only they'd listen...

In a way, we possess "the best of both worlds," if you will. Almost like "daywalkers" -- you know, the vampires (or Gingers) -- who appear to be regular people, but still possess the disorder - it's just not as obvious.

We appear normal on the outside and to the outside world. We aren't always cycling. But behind the scenes, we live with everything that --- god, I'm not even sure what wording to use... "not high functioning" and "low functioning" seem so insulting. --- you know, we experience many, if not most of the same things all manic depressives do: angry mania, happy mania, angry hypomania, happy hypomania, "happy" (or as happy as is possible) mixed states, angry mixed states, lethargic depressions, agitated depressions... mixed happy-angry mania, mixed lethargic-agitated depression, etc. Many of us experience psychosis as a result of mania; many experience psychosis as a result of depression or mixed states.

Now, don't ask me how, because I just don't know -- maybe it is body language or facial features or behavior -- but somehow, mentally ill people of all kinds just seem drawn to each other.

On more than one occasion I have been walking down the street or going into a store, you know, minding my own business, when I was approached by individuals with obvious mental health challenges. In situations like this, despite the social anxiety that wells up whenever I am approached by a stranger who is expecting to engage in conversation, I am fully capable of holding at least half of a conversation with these people -- our people -- and truthfully (at least in my experience) that's all they want sometimes. They just want somebody to listen who has somewhat of an understanding... or not. Thing is, lots of people just need to talk; they need compassion and companionship, but cannot afford a pdoc or T. So many people just nudge these people away out of fear or misunderstanding of their intentions. It's really sad.

Being "high functioning" truly gives us a unique stance in the realm of mental health. We may not be doctors, but we know things doctors don't because we live them.

We all know that there are times where all we really need to do is talk and have somebody listen with sympathetic ears. Alas, for people with mental health issues, that often requires health insurance and/or a butt-load of money just for a quick check-in* because the people in our lives might not want to hear about it
(*This is one reason I'm still not fully convinced that psychiatry isn't a scam. I understand medical doctors having to pay for equipment, but that kind of money just to talk... and then have to pay the leftovers that the insurance won't pay for meds that are borderline illegally overpriced as it is...)

But I digress.

Those of us who are "high functioning" possess such a wonderful gift: empathy. So what if we aren't rapid cycling or cycling much at all at any given moment in time? It's still there, and it's not going away. Just as a dormant volcano will one day roar back to life, so too will our disorder rear its ugly head once again.

Until then, however, we "high functioning" individuals should see it as our duty to act as a "middle wo/man." We aren't doctors, but we are peers; we are peers who have at least some idea of what other mentally ill people are experiencing. We might not be schizophrenic, but many of us do experience psychosis; yeah, we don't have MDD, but we do known major depression just a well; anxiety - or even anxiety-induced psychosis (paranoia); derealization, depersonalization and dissociation? Sure! Its not exactly a secret that mental illness is often comorbid with other disorders, issues, illnesses or whatever.

We "high functioning" individuals walk the fine line between "crazy" and "sane" armed with sympathy, at the very least, and a lot of the time, empathy. We might not be able to put ourselves into every mentally ill person's shoes and see life the way they do, but we can attempt to understand, because even if we have never experienced something exactly the way another person does, chances are we have experienced something similar. As previously stated, many people just want to talk, but nobody gives them the time of day.

Ultimately, as written in rwwff's post, it really is nobody's business whether you're sick or not, or whether they "see it" or not. I mean, I'm not saying to kick them out of your life or anything. I'm saying let them think what they want to think. If they bring up the subject and, in the course of the conversation, still want to deny that you are ill -- just let them and end the conversation. There's no point in continuing if this person is so insistent that they are right and you are wrong.

Hence my lengthy upper post about the pros of being "high functioning." Many normies won't get it... hell, many of our own likely feel the same way as the normies: if you aren't constantly symptomatic, you aren't sick; if you aren't on disability, you aren't sick.

Mental illness is NOT a competition! Pdocs don't go around handing out trophies to the sickest patients. If somebody doesn't get it or straight up refuses to understand, then do your best to change the subject.

Focus instead on being one of those "middle wo/men" I spoke of before. For every person (be they a normie or one of us) who doesn't or refuses to understand, there are many more people (some friends, family, people like us -- regardless of their disease(s)) who will gladly accept the opportunity to have a conversation with somebody who can either relate to what they are going through (if even only to a small extent) or bring a clear head to what's going on, or explain to them in a clear, non-manic, non-psychotic fashion what it is like to live with this disease -- "high functioning" or not.

In conclusion: tons of people will just ignore the topic or fiercely insist that the disease is not real because we don't look/act crazy or crazy enough, but there are also tons of people who will not only accept our "high functioning" "abilities(?)," but actively seek out as much knowledge on the subject as possible and try and learn how it relates to our own personal experience. As well there are people like us who will appreciate having a peer who can hang and talk and relate while at the same time maintaining a clear-ish head and keep a careful, watchful eye.

At the end of the day it is your life; your disease. Not theirs (whoever "they" may be) and not mine. To tell them or not, to have that or any conversation about the illness or not, is up to you, and nobody else.

Um... Please tell me at least some of that made at least a little bit of sense...

[bioChE]

I agree that high-functioning is a good thing. The longer we spend among the normies whilst keeping our symptoms at bay, the better chance we have of reducing stigma about the illness.

Not many people know I'm sick with mental illness. I keep a lid on it at work, and in a good portion of my personal life. The struggle is real, constant, and unrelenting, but I believe in the end it will make me stronger and even more able to present as normal. Normal is fantastic, high-functioning is a close second.

I am SO grateful to be high functioning. It has allowed me to work continuously full-time with only a rare missed week along the way for hospitalization. I'm the primary income in our home, and if I had not been high functioning, I don't know what would have happened to us.

I never found that people didn't believe I had bipolar disorder when I did have problems; they were just surprised by it because I do manage very well the vast majority of the time. I actually kind of took that as a compliment and reminder that "this, too, shall pass."

I also find that as a teacher with bipolar disorder, I have an ability to empathize realistically with any students I have who are struggling with their own challenges in life. I have an innate understanding that comes from experience, and students do seem to get a sense of that even though they know absolutely nothing about my diagnosis because it is not something I reveal to them.

[Crook32]

Well as my T said yesterday that She couldn't believe that my pdoc uses time missing work as a barometer for how I am doing because as she put it I can be completely suicidal and still not miss anytime at work.

[Naynay99]

I think I would appear high functioning bc I can manage to keep a full time job and an apartment and mostly pay my bills and keep my cats alive and such. But I sometimes think my pdoc and T think I am better than I really am.

I can be going to work every day and maybe even kicking asss at my job, but that uses up everything I have. So I spend the rest of the time not working on the couch or sleeping trying to recover from the work week. Sometimes I can't get myself to cook or clean or open mail and the house starts to resemble a hoarders episode.

And I feel like on those news shows when they discover somebody has died by suicide and everyone is shocked and in disbelief because the person always seemed so okay. I see myself. That could be me.

Because I manage to work and be independent I think MH workers don't think i am as much at risk. But I think they have it wrong- I am more of a risk bc I am able to convince the world that I am fine when I am not. I'm not gonna end up in a hospital if I lose it. I'm gonna end up dead. (Don't worry- I'm not sui). So perhaps high functionality isn't always a good thing afterall.

[scatterbrained04]

Originally Posted by Naynay99

I think I would appear high functioning bc I can manage to keep a full time job and an apartment and mostly pay my bills and keep my cats alive and such. But I sometimes think my pdoc and T think I am better than I really am.

I can be going to work every day and maybe even kicking asss at my job, but that uses up everything I have. So I spend the rest of the time not working on the couch or sleeping trying to recover from the work week. Sometimes I can't get myself to cook or clean or open mail and the house starts to resemble a hoarders episode.

And I feel like on those news shows when they discover somebody has died by suicide and everyone is shocked and in disbelief because the person always seemed so okay. I see myself. That could be me.

Because I manage to work and be independent I think MH workers don't think i am as much at risk. But I think they have it wrong- I am more of a risk bc I am able to convince the world that I am fine when I am not. I'm not gonna end up in a hospital if I lose it. I'm gonna end up dead. (Don't worry- I'm not sui). So perhaps high functionality isn't always a good thing afterall.

I could have written this.

[gina_re]

Similar to what naynay has pointed out, high functioning can be exhausting at times. I have to give all my energy to pretend everything is ok to get through the work day, only to crawl in bed and be glad it's over, afterwards. It's hard to keep that mask on all day when you'd rather be hidden from the world. So it's a blessing and a curse. I can work full time, pay my bills, keep a roof over my head and a car in the driveway. But the flip side is that when you are going through and episode, you have to keep it all in check to appear "normal" to keep all that you've worked for.

[19J82]

Much like Naynay, I maintain a mask of sanity, I can't help it and I can't drop it. I am able to smile and tell people I'm fine when I'm thinking of how I can kill myself before the day's up. I've had several conversations with Police officers (to my shame) when I've been drink driving and speeding whilst manic and not had anything happen to me, I've walked around work thinking that I'm actually a superhuman created by the government because I'm so much better than all those around me yet nobody sees it.
It finally caught up with me last year and some behaviour in a manic state resulted in me being arrested. After the arrest I was diagnosed as having Bipolar, but now the authorities doubt the diagnosis because of the job I was in before, and because of how I present myself.
I'm now having to find published evidence to back up my claims that my behaviour has been as a result of Bipolar and that I'm not acting and using mental illness as an excuse. It would be far easier if I wore rags and howled at the moon; they don't seem to believe you're ill unless you fit a 1950's caricature of mental illness.

[Standup2me]

I think that a lot of it boils down to people who think "snap out of it", or "you're just lazy". I think that we've all heard these things. MI is still the taboo subject

[bizi]

I am high functioning but get me out of my element....watch out!
bizi

Originally Posted by bizi

I am high functioning but get me out of my element....watch out!
bizi

Yep! No traveling for me!!!!!

[mossanimal]

I'm curious.. how do people define 'high functioning'? I would consider myself high functioning from a skill/knowledge level.. and have achieved high standards in both academic (MS level, multiple publications) and my craft (awards, published work, etc) but I can barely function from a business standpoint (as a professional, self-employed bladesmith).. or I can't achieve longer term success or stability. Can't hold a job, changing careers, changing interests, etc. I'm also socially difficult.

So.. am I high functioning?

[bioChE]

Originally Posted by mossanimal

I'm curious.. how do people define 'high functioning'? I would consider myself high functioning from a skill/knowledge level.. and have achieved high standards in both academic (MS level, multiple publications) and my craft (awards, published work, etc) but I can barely function from a business standpoint (as a professional, self-employed bladesmith).. or I can't achieve longer term success or stability. Can't hold a job, changing careers, changing interests, etc. I'm also socially difficult.

So.. am I high functioning?

It's typically a label slapped on by a psychiatrist or therapist. Ask them. I don't know if there is a standard definition or criteria by which it's labeled.