Reading about BP1 makes me think I don't have BP at all...

I've been experiencing doubts like yourself, I think it's natural as we don't like to think of ourselves as being ill, even if that thought is subconscious. My doubts have been bought about by a Social Worker repeatedly suggesting that I've made up the illness and that I've groomed the psychiatrist into making a diagnosis.
Every time I have doubts I read through all the signs and symptoms of BP and tick off which ones are applicable and I very quickly realise that yes, I fit all the criteria for having BP whether I like it or not.
Also, I have stuck with the meds, though Quetiapine tried to kill me and Depakote sent me nearly manic, Lithium has calmed me down. I notice a difference in myself to how I was before. The MH worker I spoke to recently said that if I didn't have the BP then the medication wouldn't be effective (not 100% sure how that works) so that reassured me slightly.
Like Tucson says though, everything you describe sounds like BP and I'd urge you to give the meds a shot and see how you feel after a longer period than a couple of days on them.

I'm so grateful for everyone's response. Writing it out and thinking about it more has given me some insight. I'm starting to wonder if one of the reasons I don't accept the diagnosis is because I am afraid to take the meds due to my terrible anxiety. I've had emetophobia (fear of vomiting) and health anxiety since I was 4 and it affects my decision-making in all sorts of seemingly unrelated ways, but definitely when it comes to medication of any kind. The common and so-called "minor" side effects scare me the most (nausea, dizziness). If I accept the BP diagnosis and want to get better, it means I have to face these major fears...

Facing the fears is a big part of it I think. Accepting the diagnosis for me meant losing a lot of things I'd hoped to be able to do in life in relation to work and other things. In your case it certainly sounds like you have an understandable fear of the medication. It's certainly not easy defeating Anxiety, but we have no choice but to try. I only realised last year that I've had Anxiety since my early teens, and it's now getting worse since I identified it. It's certainly not an easy road with MH is it!

Comparing our symptoms with others doesn't work from my experience. Either we are much worse or much better and I think that changes depending on the day swing. Accepting mental illness is just hard since they can't do a blood test or scan and say "yup, the BP IS RIGHT THERE". It's natural to question it. Getting more opinions if you need them and don't trust the doctors you've had so far is never a bad idea. (((Hugs)))

I'm sorry you are struggling with anxiety - it's the worst! I feel like I spend a good portion of everyday trying to convince myself I'm not sick and the world isn't about to implode. Very time and energy consuming. I wonder why identifying your anxiety made it worse?

Wouldn't it be so great if they could?! I remember when I told my last pdoc about my doubts she was like "yeah, that's basically another sign you are bp - it's the people who come in already thinking they have it that usually don't." I keep telling myself just one more episode, just one more diagnosis and I'll let myself believe it - easier said than done.

I've had probably 8-10 docs diagnose it in me over the years. There are times I still don't believe it, but I've give up on the 11th opinion being any different.

My diagnosis, for many years, was "Severe Atypical Depression."
I was diagnosed as BP-2 after a traumatic brain injury.
Atypical Depression and BP-2 are the same thing, in my mind.
I know the doctor is right with his newer BP-2 diagnosis.

I understand your need to question. You'll likely settle with a diagnosis which makes sense to you and may reach acceptance sooner than you think. Getting to the step of acceptance takes time and can be a large part of the battle, as many do not take treatment seriously until the accept the diagnosis.


WC

I feel like I don't have Bipolar either I don't know what is wrong with me but its not Bipolar. Then there are times I go "No Laura they are all right about you". I think it just depends on your mind set at that moment in time

I have trouble believing I have a mood disorder and not just episodic psychosis.

I didn't think I'd had bipolar 1 until I was IP and explained to the pdoc why I wanted to move to Montana. My regular pdoc had BP 1 diagnosis as well--she figured I wan't responding to ADs so she tried a mood stabilizer and it worked...at least for a little bit.

I personally don't care that much about the diagnosis as long as the meds work.

My husband and I thought I had BP so I went in to talk and ask and the next think I knew, BP1 was in my file. I thought it was BP2 and wanted it removed from my file all together but they just keep adding more and now it's schizoeffective. So not all people who come in thinking they might have it are wrong and I have plenty of evidence to support that I have something in the same family at least....but I totally relate to thinking "I don't have it, those episodes were flukes brought on by too much stress and will never happen again. Not only do they keep happening, they come on stronger each time so I'm out of denial....at least for the time being. My husband says I will never gave another episode if I stay on medications but I've been reading forums and blogs and this doesn't seem realistic. I still hope though. Do you think BP2 resonates ore for you or do you think you don't have mental illness at all? I know how hard it is to accept, even when the evidence is staring you dead in the eyes. For me, mental illness is my normal but it's not normal for most people and I definitely feel different to my peers so something is wrong and off and I just focus on symptoms and hope for the best at this point. (((Hugs)))