New BF abusing Xanax again

For the most part, schizophrenia is not caused from past drug use. It's actually stigma as far as genuine scientific research dictates. I had breaks in my mental health before trying drugs but I've tried a lot as I'm an adventurous person. Marijuana, speed, acid and alcohol. I too worried I'd done it to myself but it has a lot more to do with my grandmother having schizophrenia than drugs. Drugs did put me into psychosis but they were not the root cause. I don't like knowing that other people unfairly blame themselves for things that are not their fault. It's just bad genetic luck.

Me too. I've never met a full blown addict who didn't have mental health issues before becoming an addict.

I'd second what Jacky said. There are a lot of clean and sober people walking around, with years and decades of sobriety.

But the problem here is an active user, and you're not in a committed relationship. Run

When I say once an addict, always an addict, I dont mean people dont get clean for long periods or even forever. I've known several who have decades. What I mean is that once you are an addict, even when sober you're still considered an addict and always will be. It's like mental illness....even when stable we still have it. Just to clarify in case people took my words too literally which happens

As someone who has had addictions, I definitely would say that it really depends if you're up for it. He has to want that change and if he can't see his 'occasional' usage of a drug he's had issues with in the past being detrimental to if he's able to succumb his addictions and lead a better life, he isn't exhibiting that he is thinking about his situation. I say you bring it up to him that he shouldn't be taking substances like such at all because his version of 'self control' will escalate over time (or rather he'll rationalize more frequent use before ending back up at square 1 with a full blown addiction), and if he won't let it go, it's in your best interest to take a step back from the situation as it's just destructive to himself and hurts you along the way.

also: if someone said something similar or something I'm beyond sorry, I just didn't get the chance to read through all the replies

totally true Elsa. you would be hard up to find a once active addict able to switch to sometimes/recreational use.
may start out like that but soon enough it's back to the hardcore addiction.

The thing I will point out is you never know what will come into an addicts life that makes them want to change. It might be a girlfriend, friend, having a child, a job, a mental health professional, the kindness of a stranger. It could be anything. The addict I have in my life now....well it's worth it to me to have this person in my life. I love them that much and I'd be more destroyed losing them so the choice is easy. Leaving them be and not being compassionate towards them has been recommended to me but I just can not do it. I always wish for someone to come into my addicts life to show them love, kindness and that there is more to life than drugs. They are worth the effort it would take and people who would run the other direction aren't always the nicest or best people either. It's a pretty tough thing since I'm on both sides. I bet you there are many men and women who have ended relationships with an addict and later saw them doing far better than they themselves turned out and go "boy, I really let that one get away". There are also a lot of people who stayed and wish they didn't. So it's complicated. I don't think I'd end a relationship over a few recreational Xanax but if the person was stealing from me, pissing in my closets, wrecking my car, needing to be bailed out from jail constantly, abusive....then I would certainly leave. Some people use the term addiction too loosely. When I left, I had damned good reason and I wouldn't have done it for occasional use. My husband is a diabetic who loves and used to live on sweets and would get horribly angry if I tried to suggest he not. That was not good enough reason to leave him and as I said before, I see addiction as a legitimate illness. This topic hits close to home right now....actually my whole life has been spent taking care of addicts. I'm sorry I'm contributing so much.

The people who are the least compassionate towards addicts? Former addicts....I kid you not. They tell me they gave too much real world knowledge of the inner workings of an addicts mind to feel sorry for the addict. Self hate I think....it's sad

I just don't think a once before addict will stop at a few Xanax. that's the nature of the addiction. you just cant ever go back
dealing with addicts close to home is confusing. when my stepbrother became one he became another person entirely. he stole and stole and stole from all of us. money and things that can never be replaced. he used and abused us daily. I began to hate him from my gut. I was a wreck every time he came to the house. you had to hide everything. he would pass out then wake up . by the end i was a wreck as were many others
fast forward to family intervention. he got clean and is a better person now than he was even before the drugs. he has changed from the inside out and is amazing.
but in the process he lost his wife his house and respect and many friends .

I'm so sorry Jacky. I have many stories like this myself. I'm a sucker though as I've never hated any of them. I loved them and hated their disease. It's probably pretty obvious I'm a codependent....or at minimum a bleeding heart. I can't help it, I was born this way truly. I live in constant terror currently from the addict I have in my life. Fear of getting the call that they are dead, fear they will injure my family, myself or a stranger, fear they will steal more than they already have from us, fear of the people they have brought around. It's more than fear, it's terror. Yet still, my heart breaks more for them than it does myself. I'm really sick and I know it. I plan to get help for this, I promise.

love can blind us. he became my stepbrother when I was 17 so although I loved him I could step outside the box
his father could not. that's why he was able to get away with terrorizing us for so long. I was begging my mother get him help! but they were in shock and love got in the way. the best thing was a *loving* intervention. the only reason he made it clean and has a great life is because the love of his family never stopped.
that's why I say its confusing.
I understand where you are coming from. I guess I didn't hate him but how violated he made me feel over and over

(((Jacky)))

My brother is 6 years older than me and was my idol growing up. In my teens my brother became a full fledged meth head...homeless and talking to himself. He threatened to murder me and my family with a gun and my mom had him put into a mental hospital. They kept him all of 3 days. I get angry about that. I was only 17 and utterly terrorized by my brother ....he would rob people and they'd come to the house looking for him. Somebody robbed him and he brought me with him to help shake the criminal down! I could go on and on and on with what he did. Then he met a girl....said she changed his life....they married and have 4 adopted kids who they love and spoil. His life isn't perfect but on paper it looks better than most. Love can do wonderful things for some people. Love is my only reason for living.

My family and I have an intervention planned for our addict and I sure hope we have the success your family had. I'm so happy for you all. (((Hugs)))