[Blaire]

Hi guys, I've also posted this in Psychotherapy, but I'm putting it here too because this has been very destabilizing, and I've been feeling mixed because of it. I know you guys understand how extreme emotions can feel.

I’m feeling really terrible today. Exhausted, guilty, sad, trying to stay hopeful that I will get better.

I have put myself through the hell of disclosing something about myself that I despise – that I sabotage myself for attention. I had to, it is blocking my progress in therapy. I think at this point I’ve processed it as much as I can and should. All signs point to it getting better from here. I need to rest and re-focus on the future. There is hope.

I’m going to make some tea and try to get some work done. I’m going to cry and be with myself as I am, and try to accept myself. I’m going to try to believe that it’s going to be okay.

It’s not okay, but I hope it will be someday. Any support I can get would help a lot right now. Thank you guys for being here.

[Daonnachd]

Hey, Blaire, sorry it's so rough right now. I think a cup of tea an excellent way to cope. I hope sharing here is also beneficial. I know there are many wise members.

[Alisher]

Originally Posted by Blaire

I’m feeling really terrible today. Exhausted, guilty, sad, trying to stay hopeful that I will get better.

.

Hi, Blair
If I understand properly you are depressed, aren't you? May be need to take antidepressants?
Wish you get well.
Hugs

[Sunflower123]

Hi Blaine, sorry you are having a tough time right now. A good cry and a good cup of tea could be just the ticket. You came to the right place. We're here to support you. I'm here if you need to talk. Best wishes.

[hopeless2015]

Sending hugs and welcome to pc

[Blaire]

Thanks so much for the replies. Yes, I've been depressed mostly since February after a month-long hypomania. That's definitely making this harder to handle. I am on a mixture of meds that worked well before I screwed it up by letting myself go hypo, now I can't seem to level back out, and my anxiety has been really bad. I don't want to change meds because the side effects are ok right now, I just keep hoping I will go back to where I was before January. It's my own fault. I wasn't med compliant, which is very unlike me.

[glowsinthedark]

Originally Posted by Blaire

Hi guys, I've also posted this in Psychotherapy, but I'm putting it here too because this has been very destabilizing, and I've been feeling mixed because of it. I know you guys understand how extreme emotions can feel.

I’m feeling really terrible today. Exhausted, guilty, sad, trying to stay hopeful that I will get better.

I have put myself through the hell of disclosing something about myself that I despise – that I sabotage myself for attention. I had to, it is blocking my progress in therapy. I think at this point I’ve processed it as much as I can and should. All signs point to it getting better from here. I need to rest and re-focus on the future. There is hope.

I’m going to make some tea and try to get some work done. I’m going to cry and be with myself as I am, and try to accept myself. I’m going to try to believe that it’s going to be okay.

It’s not okay, but I hope it will be someday. Any support I can get would help a lot right now. Thank you guys for being here.

you did a really good thing. I should hope to be so honest and brave.

[*Laurie*]

I'm so sorry you're down. Please pat yourself on the back for being proactive with your therapy!

How are you doing today, Blaire?

I agree with glowsinthedark -- you have done a brave and good thing and are to be commended on that.

It will get better with time. Be gentle with yourself in getting there, ok?

[Blaire]

Innerzone - thank you for checking on me today. I really appreciate it.

I'm feeling a little better. I did some journaling yesterday and I think I've figured out what I want to say in therapy, which is tomorrow. I really hope he will help guide me, he hasn't always been good at that. Plus, I'm extremely stubborn and protective of my problems. I need to stop being self-destructive and sabotaging my progress.

I have a lot on my schedule today, so I'm going to do my best to stay calm, but we'll see how I do.

Thank you again for your support.