[glowsinthedark]

I am 31, my husband is almost 40. we have been talking about trying to have a baby in the near future. I really want to but I am terrified I won't be able to handle it. I'm not even scared of the things I "should" be scared of, e.g., giving up my autonomy, having enough money, being a good mother, etc. All my fears are completely selfish and oriented around my moods and anxiety. As someone very phobic of throwing up, I am terrified of morning sickness. I am also scared being pregnant would bring back my OCD symptoms and make me have more panic attacks. I'm afraid of prenatal and especially postpartum depression (my grandma had to be hospitalized an undergo shock treatment after my dad was born). I'm afraid of going off zoloft but I'm also afraid to stay on it. Don't I sound like I would be just so lovely to be around?!

It makes me sad that this is the stuff on my mind, but I don't know how to be otherwise. How did you all do it?

[Sunflower123]

I think you're being wise to think of this now. Maybe a talk with your ob-gyn, therapist, and pdoc would put your mind at ease. You could also make solution plans for problems you might face. Good luck and best wishes. Babies and having children is such a joy.

[bioChE]

I think Jennifer's advice is wise. Talking to a therapist, OB, and also a psychiatrist could benefit you greatly. Parenting is difficult; I'm in the middle of raising four kids, and when you make a choice like that you're signing up for a totally different life than if you remain childless. That being said, there are a lot of joys that otherwise go unrealized in life. Your fears sound rational, and they should be taken seriously. What does your husband think?

FYI, Zoloft is in Class C for pregnancy. That being said, the risks of using it during pregnancy are pretty low. Again, that's a conversation for you and your doctors. If you're serious about getting pregnant, an OB and your psychiatrist are the best resources for you.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Crook32]

I agree with everything that other posters have said. I just wanted to add from my own personal experience so just take from it what you like or brush it aside. A good talk with your husband is important too. He needs to know that there will be times where he will have to do a brunt of the parenting if you are having a bad patch. He has to understand this and be willing to be the primary caregiver at these times. It is a partnership and there are ups and downs just be open and honest each other and talk about things that could come up. It is better to have a strategy in place now then be blindsided and have a child to take care of. I am a planner it helps with my anxiety but I know realistically you can't plan for everything especially true for kids but I try my best so that I can roll with the punches as they say.

Sorry for the rambling. I wish you the best of luck. These are tough conversations to have but it looks like you are really thinking this through which is healthy and good.

[lilypup]

Yes, think it all through and talk with as many people as you can. I had three and was very depressed during the pregnancies but had no postpartum. Go figure!

One thing to remember is that parenting does not stop at eighteen. It just goes on and on. Realize that although there is great joy, there is a long haul.

We have several sets of friends who are childless and they seem very happy. They have a lot of disposable income and travel and do things. We are stuck at home paying for college. While i wouldn't give my children up, going without kids is definitely a viable option.

When I was pregnant and had young kids, I had to hide my illness a lot. People totally did not understand. This was 30 years ago. I hope things will have changed a great deal for you.

And yes, make sure you have a rock solid marriage. There will likely be times you are too depressed to attend a band concert or whatever. He'll have to pick up the slack. It's really helpful also to have a lot of extended family members that can be there when needed. When you are manic, things can get just damned crazy.

Hope I wasn't too negative...just trying to be realistic.

Good luck to you.

I had one child. I decided to get pregnant when I was manic at age 22. I love my son more than life but he inherited this disease and watching it unfold in him has been hell on earth. I learned recently that my ex husband also has bipolar so the poor kid never had a chance. My whole life, people around me have been telling me to have another child. I've been with my current husband 15 years and we've talked about having more children the whole time. I'm 42 now and I think it's too late but even my doctors say it's not and seem to expect I will have another so they advise against a hysterectomy. How can I though? I would love too but I'm so sick, and I could pass it down again. I think about having another child daily....my heart aches for it and breaks for it. I can't advise you on what to do....I can't say it will all work out because it might not. You have to weigh everything and decide if the risks are worth it. Only you can answer this. I would never deny a person a child, no matter what illness they have (within reason) because having children is in our DNA and is our purpose on earth in many evolutionary ways. But it's not an easy decision. The fact that you take it so seriously means a lot to me. It means you'd probably do just fine. But nobody knows for sure. (((Hugs to you))). As I said, my son inherited this illness. A severe case, not a mild one. That can happen and is something to consider. It could even be worse than yours.

Edited to add: I have a step son I've raised since he was 3. He's 17 now. He's a blessing. If I ever got stable and found meds that worked long term I would probably adopt. That's an option too.

[raspberrytorte]

Yeah. Having a baby completely changes your life. Less freedom. Worried all of the time.

But while it does those things it's very rewarding. And it gets easier as they get older. My daughter is five now and we have a lot of fun together, going to the park, etc. Since she's five I have worries about her going to school in the fall since it'll be kindergarten. I always worry about her getting hurt.

So parenting causes a lot of worrying!

I took 25mg of zoloft during my pregnancy and she turned out just fine. In all honesty being pregnant was the most stable I've ever been. I got PPD after she was born. It was so hard for me.

I wish you luck.

[Victoria'smom]

I wrote a long thing but it was too all over the place. My child was colic and now has a mood disorder and ASD. He was 50% likely to get a mood disorder then kids without both parents having a mood disorder. Things I'd do differently seek proper help sooner for all of us, be in weekly therapy or IOP after pregnancy and medicate right after pregnancy. Having a child doesn't have to change your lifestyle but it does require more planing, and more stress. I don't feel I could work and have a family but I'm really glad I chose to have him. He turns 15 in ~2 weeks. It's not rainbows and sunshine most of the time but it is rewarding.

[Unrigged64072835]

I had severe PPD after pregnancy and wasn't medicated properly for years. It made things much harder.

I would strongly recommend an OB/GYN and a psychiatrist go through your options. Also have your husband on board. You can also adopt or foster kids if a pregnancy is not an option.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I'm in the exact same position. I just turned 30, my fiancé is 37 and I'm terrified to have kids because I'd have to go off my meds. I imagine being "out to here" and in IP.

[cashart10]

With my oldest (9), I had a smooth pregnancy and only light ppd. At the time I denied my illness and was on no drugs. There were no major issues for several years.

Same with my son (7) except no ppd. Still denying my illness, still not taking meds.

Fast forward about 1 1/2 years later, I had a nervous break down. Shortly there after, I got pregnant with my last (3). I had to take meds because they were very afraid of sui, even taking lithium (outside of 1st trimester when it's less concerning), during my pregnancy. I had to be hospitalized when she was 6 or 8 weeks old and the ppd was severe and seemed never ending.

Those are my experiences and I wouldn't change them for the world. I did have my tubes tied at the direction of my pdoc as he didn't think I could handle another (he was probably right).

I think you should consider other's experiences but most of all, do what others have mentioned and seek all of the professional advise you can. Understanding your options and concerns is VERY important and you aren't being selfish, you are being wise. Make sure you avoid any gp who will suggest against pregnancy just because of your illness. They do exist.

[hexacoda]

I had two boys before I showed bipolar and psychotic symptoms. After that I decided I couldn't have another baby; I'm too afraid I would go psychotic again and do something terrible. I know I don't *want* to do terrible things, but people don't understand how real the strangest things seem when you're psychotic unless they've been there. People wonder how some parents do horrible things to their children when they're mentally ill, and they just don't get how sick a person can really be. Like, what if I got it in my head that putting the baby into the oven would make him evolve into a dragon? Or something equally as strange? I can't risk going psychotic with a helpless child. I'd love to have a baby again but I can't do it.