My Bipolar boyfriend lost feelings for me out of nowhere

Hello. I'm really confused and hurt. My boyfriend was diagnosed with Bipolar, but one psychatrist thinks he has schizoaffective disorder. Anyways, our relationship has always been toxic. Anytime we would argue, he would dump me, then beg me back. It was a continuous cycle. He also was an alcoholic. So, I told him he needs to get help, be clean, and get on psych meds for his bipolar. He agreed to do it, because he didn't want to lose me. He was prince charming in the beginning of our relationship, and treated me like a queen. Then he cheated and had manic episodes, and ruined the relationship. I tried breaking up with him but he said he loved me, and I was his soulmate, and he needs me. Ever since he got sober and was on meds he got worse. He became distant and depressed. He treated me like a friend more than a girlfriend. I told him to tell me straight up how he feels about me, I even asked him if he wanted to be friends, and he said "no, I want you as a girlfriend."

Well I catered to him. I made sure I got him in with doctors, and took care of him emotionally even him emotionally abusing me. I loved him so much and went above and beyond to make sure he was financially and emotionally supported. He damaged the relationship with his lies, cheating, mental abuse, insults, and I told him he needs to rebuild it. He begged for me back when I told him it probably isn't repairable. He insisted it was because I'm his one and only. He said he loves and needs me. Well, I got into an argument one day with him because I didn't like how he said he doesn't see himself marrying me. I claimed him as my husband and yet he did the emotional damage in the relationship, yet he's unsure of me? So he broke it off with me. Now he really took a turn. He said he doesn't have feelings for me anymore, he's not sexually attracted to me, he feels a weight has been lifted off of him, he never thought I was attractive, etc. We didn't have sex for a month, but he blamed it on his meds. I thought he didn't mean those words at first but he's serious in wanting his clothes and personal belongings so I could be "in the past". He goes back and forth. He says he loves me and wishes me well, and he wants me to find someone else. He said he lost feelings for me. But then he says to my mother that he hopes that I make better judgment on picking a guy. He basically insulted himself. Then my mom said "you are throwing a lot away. Olivia put you first and tried to help you." He said "there's no loss because it is a mutual giving up. We both lost feelings." I am making it like I have no feelings because I don't want to look desperate but really I'm broken to the core. He keeps saying he cares about me and he can't give me what he wants that's why he's letting me go. Yet, I treated him like a king. I don't know why he would want to let me go? I did everything for him and fell so in love with him. He is being very callous and ok with this while I want to die that he hurt me so badly. He doesn't seem to care. I keep asking him if it's another girl and he keeps denying that. He said he just lost feelings. I don't understand because just a couple of weeks ago he blew up my phone and begged for me back. Now he has no feelings? I'm so confused and hurt. I don't know if his bipolar is getting worse? Or if it's even the bipolar?

Because before he would regret his decision and text me incessantly begging me to take him back, but this time he's happy about it and is very callous, and is not texting me. He seems very different and kinda psychotic about it. He was on Lamictal and Seroquel. But he stopped taking his meds. He just wants to rid me it seems, but I did absolutely nothing to him and was by his side through thick and thin. I can't believe he wants to rid me and has no feelings for me? When everyone deserted him, I was there for him and helped him. He said so many cruel things but then turns around and says to my mom "I will always love your daughter but we just don't work. I wish her the best." But then he says "the love is gone" in the next text he sent her. He texts me calling me a "ho" because I went out on a date with a guy friend of mine. Saying cruel things like "I'm sloppy seconds", and "an ogre looking hore." "I'm ugly" he insulted my looks so badly and said he was never sexually attracted to me, only when he was drunk and I caked on makeup is the only time I was attractive is what he said. It's all confusing and it's hurting me so badly. What is your opinion? And do bipolar people do this? Why is he being so above and beyond cruel? Why is he so hell bent on not being with me? Is this normal behavior for bipolar disorder?

It's assholian behaviour, not bipolar.
Your ex is a normal rum of the mill two faced asshat, having bipolar doesn't make him special or excuse his actions.

He did you a favour, you dodged a bullet, one day you'll thank him for dumping you.

In fact I would actually send a card.

Sorry it hurts, but it's for the best, you said it yourself, it was toxic.

This isn't bipolar behavior.

My husband and I both live with BP II and we've been married over 20 years without the toxic behaviors you describe.

I know you're attached and have had an investment in him; yet, I think you'll eventually be happier without him. Please consider getting a therapist to help you through this and to help you to figure out why you've been so locked in to this pattern with this guy. This will help you with future relationships.

Save yourself!


WC

"why is he so hell bent on not being with me?". You just answered your question yourself:. He's just not that into you.

"Our relationship has always been toxic." That is all I need to know. You will not change anyone. EVER. If the relationship is toxic, get out.

There are billions of people on this earth, you do not have to put up with a toxic relationship. He says you are "his one and only." That is absurd and he is manipulating you.

If you *want* to be with a man that subjects you to "lies, cheating, mental abuse, insults" by all means keep getting back together with him.

Change your number and/or block him on your phone and social media accounts.

Also, I forgot to address your daughter. Is this the kind of "relationship" you would want for your daughter? If the answer is no, then it is not good enough for you either. Children learn from the relationships they see around them, do not allow her to see that this is normal.

Regarding the title of your thread. Your bf didn't lose feelings for you out of nowhere. The situation you've described is a pattern, and has nothing to do with bipolar. Move on, and better luck next time.

Move on, block his number, this isn't BP. Your making excuses for bad behavior. Do not spend anymore time on him.

I agree with this. I'm sorry you're hurting right now. I'm here to lend my support and I'm here if you need to talk. Thinking of you.

Thank you all for commenting. He's really messed up mentally. I really don't think he even has Bipolar, and I'm not saying people that do have it are messed up. I just think he has something far worse that's undiagnosed. He's an evil individual. He hurt me really bad. He is texting my mother and she said she doesn't want him at the house to get his stuff because she's angry with him and how cruel he was with me. My friend Vinny hates any guy who disrespects women so my mom said "Don't come here anyways because I don't want any fighting because Vinny isn't too happy what you said about Olivia. I'll have my husband drop your stuff off at your step dad's" He said "wow I'm glad I left. She moved on that quickly?" My mother said "what do you expect when she did everything for you and cared so much about you, but you threw it all away for "lost feelings" that you shouldn't even have. She can't just sit around." He said "I'm just shocked she moved on that quickly." Then he said "I just want her happy. I wish nothing but the best for Olivia." I'm not really dating Vinny. He's just a good platonic friend. But the point is, he lost feelings for me, so if I were to go screw a guy it'd be validated because he made it very clear that he "got what he wanted and got bored" he used me.

He didn't love me and it hurts me so bad because everyone told him that he should worship the ground I walked on because nobody will ever be there for him like how I was. He just all of a sudden lost interest in me and is playing mind games by texting my mother saying "I'll always care and love Olivia." "I want her to be happy." "I knew she had a thing for Vinny, glad I left now. She played me." Um what? He shouldn't care and I don't have a thing for Vinny. He's just a nice guy friend. He's being torturous and just being mean. I just want my family to drop his stuff off because I don't want him here and I want no further contact. Even with mother. I feel like he's trying to get info from her. She's not falling for it.

Also one user I think maybe thinks I have a daughter. I don't have a child, but my mom was close to my ex, so she treated him like a son. I'm 24 years old. He's 29 years old. But I just hate these mind games and can't believe he would throw me away. Oh man I am so heartbroken, 3 years down the drain. How callous he's being and saying he just "wants me to be happy" but yet getting mad that I'm hanging with my guy friend is really weird and saying he just wants his stuff so he can "be free from this nightmare" relationship. That I didn't even create!

Why are you so into a guy who couldn't care any less?

Please don't settle for a "toxic" relationship again. It can ruin your health, your mental health and your life.

If you happen to find yourself in a toxic relationship again, drop it like a hot potato.

There are reasons you'd settled for toxicity for 3 years. Please find a therapist and explore this and heal yourself before you get into anything serious again.

You'll be glad you did.


WC

I was with a toxic person for four years. It was horrible for both me and my daughter.

Time you spend with him is time you're losing on having a good life and meeting someone better. You won't get that time back.

His behavior is not BP. Don't put up with it. And find a therapist so you can learn why you do this.

Hello
im sorry I do not have personal experience with BP but after reading some of your experiences it doesn't sound like BP to me at all, it sounds more like immaturity, irresponsibility, and disrespect. And it sounds like you are allowing it by excusing this behavior. You are young and need to find ways to enjoy your youth. Don't let this person string you along because they are irresponsible with your feelings. If he had any respect or responsibility for his actions he would let you go, and it sounds like he has done that a few times. These are moments of clarity about the pain he's caused you. Please listen to him and move on

I've been married 32 years and often think I have seen it all.
You obviously need totally out of this. This guy really sounds like he might get dangerous if this whole jealousy talk goes on.
Don't worry about losing three years with him. Be glad it wasn't 30. I've got a friend who left after 25 years. She said "I don't know why I married him. The first time he came to my house he was mean and kicked my dog." If that isn't dumb I don't know what is.

Bruneete-
I agree w the other posters that this his behavior is not indicative of bipolar, and that it is toxic to be around. But some of the comments seemed a little bit harsh to me. It's much easier said than done to just walk away. As somebody who dated an addict who couldn't get his shiit together on and off for 10 years, I do understand how easy it is to get caught up in someone else's insanity when you love them. It is not logical but when you care about someone you overlook a lot and keep waiting for them to change. It is heartbreaking and mind fuuucking and exhausting and confusing.

But I think whether he meant to or not, breaking up with you instead of holding on was probably the most loving thing that he could have done. A toxic relationship only gets worse and the pain you may feel now is better than the pain being with him is bound to result in stretched out over many years.

Someone once told me that if my ex Once again did something that was hurtful to me, that I still had every right to feel upset and hurt by it. But i no longer got to be surprised by it, Because that is what he does over and over again.
If you need to talk I'm around. Best of luck to both you and your bf. take care.

he sounds like a master manipulator and game player. been there and done that. they do not ever change. neither will his CRUEL streak (attacking your looks is so screwed up)

it's hard now and may be for a while but in time you are going to be thanking the almighty heavens you didn't stick around. trust me on this

--response I have often accepted "bad boy" behavior from men throughout my life, so this seems so familiar. I was very shy, but still, repeating this pattern is so painful. The responses are so on target. This person doesn't care about you and you need to be strong enough to walk away. I found it really helps to make a list of the qualities you want in a man, then stick to it. We are just downright lazy when we accept this kind of treatment, as if its impossible to meet nice men, or they don't exist. Join organizations that cater to your interests, do things you enjoy (aerobic exercise is amazing for depression), take classes and you will meet the nice ones.