I'm about to go try to talk my 20 year old son into going to the ER so we can have him committed. My family and I believe he is a danger to himself and others. I'm dying over here.....I've been committed against my will and the thought of doing this to my son is killing me....but this situation is dire. My son has mental illness, most likely Bipolar. He is also an alcoholic it appears and may be taking drugs but I'm not sure about the drugs. The alcohol/mental health issues are the biggest issues I believe. I need to try to convince him to go willingly to the ER. I'm not feeling hopeful he will comply but that would be the best case scenario. If not, we will likely have to call the police. Does anyone have any advise on what I could say to convince him to go? Advise on what not to say? Any advise at all? I'm so scared for him and of him. I feel like I'm betraying him but I know that's a distorted thought. I was nearly 40 before I truly realized I was mentally ill, despite years of evidence and professional opinions. How am I going to convince a 20year old? His mental illness is obvious to everyone but him. Thank you for listening and any advise you might be able to provide.

[Wild Coyote]

Dearest Elsa,

I think it's important for you to speak from your heart, and knowing you, I'm sure you will do so.

I have been through similar with my brother and there seemed to be no "right" words or approach, except to come from the heart when speaking with him. He would not get so defensive.

You've been almost constantly on my mind the past two days, which made me think you have something very important happening. I was going to PM you tonight in order to check on you, and here you are, telling us what's going on.

Much Love to You and Yours.


WC

[halus1]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I'm about to go try to talk my 20 year old son into going to the ER so we can have him committed. My family and I believe he is a danger to himself and others. I'm dying over here.....I've been committed against my will and the thought of doing this to my son is killing me....but this situation is dire. My son has mental illness, most likely Bipolar. He is also an alcoholic it appears and may be taking drugs but I'm not sure about the drugs. The alcohol/mental health issues are the biggest issues I believe. I need to try to convince him to go willingly to the ER. I'm not feeling hopeful he will comply but that would be the best case scenario. If not, we will likely have to call the police. Does anyone have any advise on what I could say to convince him to go? Advise on what not to say? Any advise at all? I'm so scared for him and of him. I feel like I'm betraying him but I know that's a distorted thought. I was nearly 40 before I truly realized I was mentally ill, despite years of evidence and professional opinions. How am I going to convince a 20year old? His mental illness is obvious to everyone but him. Thank you for listening and any advise you might be able to provide.

Hello there, sorry to hear about this.

What's your relationship like with him? And does he live with you? Does he have a doctor?

That would be the hardest thing to have to deal with - worse than dealing with our own mental health I think. My son is 23 so I feel for you.

[Nammu]

No advice but I'll be a pocket rider if you wish. One of the hardest things my mother and I did was to tell my daughter that we would not bail her out. She is bipolar and back then she was untreated and drinking and using drugs. We did help her get a lawyer to go though the mental health court where a condition of not going to jail was to accept treatment. At the time it was very hard and she hated us but now she says it was the best thing we could have done for her. She's 34 and has two kids and has had a relationship with one man for 10 yrs.

Your son may very well fight you and say he hates you but you are doing what you think is in his best interest so hold on to that thought.

[wildflowerchild25]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. This is my worst fear for my son. If I had realized I was bipolar I don't think I would have had him to spare him the pain. He's only six right now and very happy, but I'm worried for his teen years.

I'm sorry I have no advice, I just wish you well. I second what nammu said; he I'll probably fight you and say he hates you but eventually he will get over it. You know you're doing the best thing for him.

[Victoria'smom]

I don't know what not to say. Hopefully he'll go willingly.

[*Laurie*]

Hi ElsaMars, If I can think of anything, I will post it. For now, I'll just say that I agree with Wild Coyote- you have a big heart with tremendous integrity, so approach your son with that.

Please know that you and your family are in my caring thoughts, and please keep us posted on how you're doing

[bioChE]

As the others have said, we're aware how tough it must be to be in your situation. I'd also recommend the love, which I'm sure you're giving. However if that doesn't work, give serious thought to getting the EMS and/or police involved. It sounds like a dire situation.

[Sunflower123]

I'm here to support you as well. You're a good mother -lead with the heart as wild coyote says. Hopefully it will go better then you think. If not, you may have to get EMS or the police involved. Good luck. Thinking of you and your family.

[hopeless2015]

We all know how much you love your son and know you will do what's best. Sending big hugs your way. We're all thinking of you.

[raspberrytorte]

Hugs, elsa. I hope your son goes to the ER willingly.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Your son is so fortunate to have parents who notice something is wrong and care enough to get him help. Not many 20 year olds have that.

I can't imagine how hard this is to do.

Thinking of you

[mugwort2]

I support your decision. My suggestion is to make certain, if you can, its a caring hospital with profesionals who not only know what they are doing but do it in a compassionate , caring manner. I'd be careful the pdocs are full of integrity. I know of a case where a pdoc went into a patients room. He said "Hello" and walked out. He charged the patient for a consulation. Its great you want to help your son. Some pdocs are more ethical than others. Bottom line Its important not to be ripped off.

[liveforsummer]

I truly hope your son goes willingly, he is very lucky to have you care so much for him and in his corner to try to get the care he needs. Thinking of you

[bukowski06]

Hi ElsaMars

I'm sorry you're going through this tough time right now, you are one of the people who was supportive of me when I was in a similar situation so I hope that I can say something to give support. When my husband was having psychosis and mania he didn't start to respond until he was able to start on a med to help him sleep adequately. Is there any way that your son would agree to see a doctor to and get a prescription for something like that? Are there specific triggers/situations that are making his symptoms worse?

[Naynay99]

Hey Elsa. I have no good advice. Just wanted to send you a hug and some positive thoughts hope that your son will be able to get the help he needs. I can't imagine how hard this must be. Hang in there. Hugs.

[scatterbrained04]

I have no real advice, but I think having a heart to heart would be the best way to go. Let him know how much you care.

Sending love, good vibes, and hugs.

My Mum has had me sectioned 2x. Unfortunately, none of my hospitalisations have been helpful, and those 2 that she was responsible for were the most abusive/traumatising. I was very angry each time. And this current IP stay where, though she wasn't responsible for getting me sectioned, she keeps advocating for my continued detention, which is very frustrating.

BUT, I know that she did/does it out of love. Because she has my best interests at heart, even though we completely disagree about what is in my best interests. So even though I feel angry and we do argue about it at times, she is still there for me. She visits me every day and she lets me rant at her when I need to and she tells me why she did/does it and that she loves me and wants to keep me safe. So even though we completely disagree about this, we still love each other and are working through our disagreements.

I hope that your son goes willingly but, if not, keep telling him that you love him. He will be angry and you probably can understand why having been hospitalised involuntarily yourself, so let him be angry, but keep being there for him and he will forgive you. And help him advocate for himself if the hospital is a bad one and not listening to him.

I hope it all works out for the better

*Willow*

[bizi]

HI, don't have time to read your thread but wanted to offer you a hug this morning.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[pirilin]

My heart goes out to you and your family.
You are a very smart woman. You need to concentrate in what you and your husband will say to your son. You know him better than anyone else. Best of lucks. HUGS!!!!

[Unrigged64072835]

(((((ElsaMars)))))

It sometimes takes tough love to help your kids sometimes. I've had to put my daughter in IP when she did something that would've put her in juvenile detention if we hadn't caught it. She is doing better now so I'm glad we made the right decision.

Is he living with you?

[bizi]

I hope we hear from elsa...
bizi

Sorry for taking so long to update....it's been a rough few days and things just sort of settled up a few hours ago. To make a long story short, I was able to get him to admit he needs help.....he admits he has alcohol problems and agreed to go into a rehab. I made a lot of calls and finally got in touch with someone who could offer some support for my son. It is fortunately covered through insurance but the soonest they could get him in is next Friday so we need to try to keep him alive, safe and indoors for a week. If he leaves, he will officially be homeless until he enters rehab. It's a 90 day residential facility which can extend to longer support if needed. Dual diagnosis treatment is ideal and we are so grateful to have this opportunity. My son will also begin going to a night program Monday until he enters the residential program in Friday.

Thank you so much for your advise, support and best wishes. This is a very hard time for me and my family. My son does not accept his mental illness but says he is open minded to hearing what the program doctors says.

A few people asked if my son lives with me. My son lived with me up until a few months ago. I became very unstable a few months back as a result of some very scary behavior from my son. My mother and husband got together and decided my son needed to move out of we would both drown. Also, my parents have a home business and my son was working for them 4 hours a day which we hoped would give him structure. Sadly it did not and my son's behavior over there continued to escalate and destabilize. They kicked my son out last night after an incident and told me everything he's been up to. It's terrible. They were keeping it from me as they worried it would destabilize me. When I would see my son, I would think he was getting better but he came over on the 4th and was a delusional mess. It was so scary. As long as my son doesn't drink, he is not a threat. He's delusional and doesn't think clearly but he's safe. He promises not to drink but it's a risk. I hope he doesn't and things all go as planned.

Thank you all again......my son is my life......the places I called kept saying "not everyone makes it, death is a real possibility". My son has to make it, I can't think otherwise for even a second. The one thing I know for sure is my son knows I love him....he knows my mother loves him. I will fight for him with my last breath.

[*Laurie*]

Thanks for the update, EM. Yes, you and your family are under an immense amount of stress right now. I certainly hope things stay calm until your son goes into the residential program.

You are a wonderful mom! You have my highest respect.

[Nammu]

that is a scary story will be thinking of you and your son and praying he makes it to next Friday without drinking.