[Wild Coyote]

Depression getting worse over the weekend. Dystonia calming down. Meds were changed on Friday, but pharmacy could not get them in stock until Monday afternoon. Wellbutrin was helpful with depression but had to be drastically decreased due to dystonia. I hope my meds are in soon. I'm feeling like a hopeless hurting unit.

Love to All!

WC

I am having one of those dose of reality moments.

Previously, I looked upon my year of mania as being a thrilling worthwhile experience. I had no regrets even though it came at great cost - $50,000 over ten months, a job, and relationships. But I had always found some value. I did some pretty fantastic things I reminded myself for which the average person has no opportunity. I looked back and said, "I did XYZ" and I'm proud of it.

Today marks the six year anniversary of my quitting a job and running away to live my dream. But that dream didn't last. I realise for the first time today that this all is regrettable. I am not better off having lived these experiences and they came at a heavy price.

It is not sadness. Just a matter of factness. This adventure was not worth living my present hardship. The money I would have saved alone would have made my life today better.

Very stressful day. On the road traveling for 3 plus hours (I have car phobia) and it was horribly stress inducing. I don't usually like when people call others stupid but all I could think today was "I see dumb people" they were everywhere.....I could not escape, even when looking in the mirror. Just stressful!!!! I got to see my son for our first visitation however and that was very pleasant and lovely. Glad to be back home safe and away from people who likely got their drivers license from a Cracker Jack box.

I'm sorry for all the bad stuff and feelings many of us are experiencing right now and hope we ALL see calmer waters soon. (((Hugs)))

*sorry for the double post.....don't know how to delete it or how it happened*

Very stressful day. On the road traveling for 3 plus hours (I have car phobia) and it was horribly stress inducing. I don't usually like when people call others stupid but all I could think today was "I see dumb people" they were everywhere.....I could not escape, even when looking in the mirror. Just stressful!!!! I got to see my son for our first visitation however and that was very pleasant and lovely. Glad to be back home safe and away from people who likely got their drivers license from a Cracker Jack box.

I'm sorry for all the bad stuff and feelings many of us are experiencing right now and hope we ALL see calmer waters soon. (((Hugs)))

[Cocosurviving]

I've been dealing with anxiety. I'm using coping skills. Music, hot baths and aroma therapy is helping. I went swimming today with my mom. That went ok.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I know this is temporary. Having said that, I am in so much pain I think it might actually drive me out of my mind or kill me. I am heartbroken and I hate it and I hate being so weak. I am paralyzed with pain right now.

I really hate your in pain. Do your best to keep busy.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Terrible. That's how I feel right now. Terrible.

I know I'm severely depressed because I stopped taking my Lexapro. My pdoc and I tried to wean me off it, but this is the second time we've failed in doing so. I guess I'll never get off this stupid drug. Never. The withdrawal effects are too much to handle.

Been like this since Wednesday last week.

I don't understand....
You tried to wean off the lexapro but failed with pdoc so you just quit it???
I am sorry you are suffering.
bizi

[bizi]

Note to my pdoc:
Dr. Orazio,

I should have waited a while before giving you a report about my sleeping in regards to the new bed and med increase.

Had one great nights sleep when I wrote to you and have had problems ever since, so dissapointing.
The last week has been the worst.
Not sure whether it is my bipolar being off or the bed or my arthritis...but I am not sleeping well at all.
The last few nights I kept staring at the clock...hour after hour...it was awful!
If my hips don't improve then I will go see my doctor.
We have a 30 day trial on the bed.
sigh
elizabeth

[hopeless2015]

Home today, I had a pretty good run with no depression but it seems to be back again. I hate my brain, HATE it!!

[porcelainboy]

Mixed episode + trauma responses = HELL.

[scatterbrained04]

Working from home today. I should feel relaxed, but I am feeling very panicked.

[Guiness187055]

Having a really down day. I can't stop thinking about all that I lost from my last manic episode. I had my dream job and a great relationship with my family. Now both are gone. As I have gotten older my manic episodes get worse. I just have to change my mindset and stop thinking about the past. What's gone is gone.

[Moose72]

I'm in the piercing shop trading in mildly bigger plugs. They kinda gave me the look like "what's the point?" But here I sit on the hard bench in the waiting area because two people are getting pierced at the same time.

Well I got chastised for not using enough oil and massaging them enough. And I looked for jojoba oil at the drug store but found nothing.

[hopeless2015]

I'm afraid to leave the house again, I hate when I get this way. I know it's irrational but I still feel this way

[bizi]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Working from home today. I should feel relaxed, but I am feeling very panicked.

I am sorry you are feeling panicked!
Anything you want to elaborate?
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[fishin fool]

I am not in the full depth of depression but I still can't out.
I have allowed most of the summer to go by without doing very much.
That is very very bad for me, the summer is when I am usually in good spirits.
I love the summer and all things that go with it but if I am having this problem
now then I am truly worried about this winter. I hate the winter with a passion
and that is usually when I get real depressed. This is not a good sign.

[Nammu]

Feel like jumping into the car and go racing down the road at 100's of mph and screaming on top of my lungs.......but I won't, I'll sit here like a good little girl and watch my life shrivele up.

[fishin fool]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Feel like jumping into the car and go racing down the road at 100's of mph and screaming on top of my lungs.......but I won't, I'll sit here like a good little girl and watch my life shrivele up.

I have done that and it is not something you ever want to try.
I am very lucky that I didn't kill someone.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by fishin fool

I have done that and it is not something you ever want to try.
I am very lucky that I didn't kill someone.

I've done it in the past, used to go on the back roads, I'm lucky I never hit a deer or stay cow or missed the curves. pure dumb luck it is lucky I have my cat, he sits on me and anchors me down.

[-Astral-]

edit......

[Faltering]

My mind is a raw, open wound right now. Every minor stressor feels like someone is pouring salt on it.

[Woolly Bugger]

I'm worried that I have a case of flesh-eating bacteria. I've been worried about it all day. It's driving me crazy. Seriously.

[gina_re]

Cloudy weather really messes up my mood. I was doing ok the past couple of days, but today I wanted to sleep away the day. I at least got myself to vacuum my dinning room. I hope tomorrow is better, I have an appointment with a new T in the morning. And hopefully my mood stays stable enough where I can go to my support group later in the evening. Tonight, I hope I can get to sleep at a decent hour.

[Unrigged64072835]

Had T this morning. Talked about having anxiety with the next term of school. It seems to be a running thing now. I want to get a two-year degree at least. I already have an Associate's degree, but it's better off being used as toilet paper at this point.

Husband is getting daughter from work. Not sure if the kids will be here tomorrow. I will find out.

Mood is weird. Hope it doesn't turn to an episode. That would really suck right now. Next week is my birthday week and we'll be back in school again.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Had T this morning. Talked about having anxiety with the next term of school. It seems to be a running thing now. I want to get a two-year degree at least. I already have an Associate's degree, but it's better off being used as toilet paper at this point.

Husband is getting daughter from work. Not sure if the kids will be here tomorrow. I will find out.

Mood is weird. Hope it doesn't turn to an episode. That would really suck right now. Next week is my birthday week and we'll be back in school again.

when is your birthday?
bizi