[Guiness187055]

Stability for me has become being comfortably numb. I am so tired of all of the years of feeling way up or way down. I now am never happy or sad. I don't find enjoyment doing things and I also don't feel bored doing nothing. Most would say my state of mind is sad but I am content.

I would kill to be comfortably numb right now. I might go pick up a 40 tonight if my anxiety doesn't improve....I've been being eaten alive for months and my doctor things the solution is to up my Saphris. Saphris is causing me more physical pain, swollen, stress, anxiety, weight gain galore, grown out of my 3rd wardrobe and can't afford another so I will be wearing my husbands clothes until I'm too fat for them I guess. I'd take comfortably numb. Or just drunk.....I might just take getting drunk. I think I need to get drunk. I will most likely get drunk. I can't take this anymore.....I've tried to fight it....tried to be strong, to think positive, fake it till I make it. I want to be numb.

I'm glad you are numb. It's a blessing even if some don't see it. The alternative sure sucks. I feel WAY too much.

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

Stability for me has become being comfortably numb. I am so tired of all of the years of feeling way up or way down. I now am never happy or sad. I don't find enjoyment doing things and I also don't feel bored doing nothing. Most would say my state of mind is sad but I am content.

Hey guiness. I also agree that is part of depression. For months I was content of going home and going to bed and play around on iPad. No tv no music just sat in my apartment doing nothing. Well that evolved and as my posts for past month have shown I was getting worse and abusing ambien (taking it to sleep at like 3pm). My advice talk with t about it and continue to monitor it.

[Goals2017]

Hugs
My mind has become numb do to the pain but I feel for you and kind of wish I could become comfortable with the pain as well

[Woolly Bugger]

There is a certain flatness that goes with taking some meds for BP. I have been very flat in the past, and my psychiatrist has always worked with me to put the spring back in my step. I am happy now, and I am not as flat as I was, but I am not the same person I was when I was unmedicated. I don't feel that I am comfortably numb, as you do, and I wouldn't accept it if I were. Don't settle for it! Consider it a necessary stage on your journey to find the right meds. Good luck to you.

[Goals2017]

Originally Posted by Woolly Bugger

There is a certain flatness that goes with taking some meds for BP. I have been very flat in the past, and my psychiatrist has always worked with me to put the spring back in my step. I am happy now, and I am not as flat as I was, but I am not the same person I was when I was unmedicated. I don't feel that I am comfortably numb, as you do, and I wouldn't accept it if I were. Don't settle for it! Consider it a necessary stage on your journey to find the right meds. Good luck to you.

That's a great response not to accept the numbness I'm curious what meds are you on and how long did it take you to find that happiness?

[zijax]

I feel numb too. I'm sickeningly stable. I'm on 6mgs. Vraylar which is the max dose I believe, zanax as needed, wellbutrin, ambien at night. I just sit on the blue couch and Netflix binge. I thought I might write a novel and have written the first paragraph but am stuck. Stuck in myself like my emotions are superglued.

[Woolly Bugger]

Originally Posted by Goals2017

That's a great response not to accept the numbness I'm curious what meds are you on and how long did it take you to find that happiness?

I take 900 mg of lithium, 15 mg of Abilify, and 200 mg of Lamictal. I added Latuda for a while to add a little zip and to control my anxiety, but there were side effects and I stopped. I also take medicine for high blood pressure, cholesterol, and a malfunctioning thyroid. I still suffer from some anxiety, so I take lorazepam as needed, but in very small doses. I've been fairly stable for two or three years now. I think a lot of it is learned behavior: the more the meds work, the more I learn how to control my own moods. This results, I think, in the need for fewer meds. Every case is different. I believe I have, now, a very low grade form of BP 2. It was more severe ten years or twenty years ago. I measure my stability by my ability to hold a job, and I've been employed at the same place for six years. That's a record for me.

[bioChE]

Along with the OP, I would classify my stability as comfortably numb. I've been mostly stable for two years now, aside from a med trial gone wrong. It's a state where I don't really get depressed much (once in a while, but an increase in Lamictal and some amino acids have helped that) and I definitely don't get elated. I don't really enjoy much, but I'm able to work to an acceptable level and things are very stable with my home and family life. There are times when I don't feel that I'm BP, but I usually quash that feeling with memories of my tough times. I'd like to reduce some of my meds to see if I could maintain the stability with fewer side effects, but it'll probably be a little while before my psychiatrist is ready to go along with that idea. I don't know. There are also times when I feel as if the world of psychiatry and meds is trying to keep me from having fun. Content? Most of the time. Happy? Not really.