Depressive episode

I think I'm in a mood to moderate depressive episode. Since I started depakote I've been getting depressed about every other day but since Sunday it's been every day. Varying degrees of intensity. Sunday was the worst. Then I got my new job and I was better, but all I can think are negative thoughts. That I will fail, I'll make a fool of myself, I'll let down my supervisor who pushed to bring me back. These thoughts are normal for me as I don't really have any professional confidence in myself, but they don't usually affect my mood. I feel like they're coming from a depressed place.

My eating is still screwed up. It got better a couple of weeks ago when the depakote put me in a stable mood but now I'm back to barely eating anything. I've had coffee and protein shake today. I bought a bunch of frozen food for easy dinners at Trader Joe's because I can't imagine I'll be able to cook complicated meals next week. If this pattern continues I won't want to eat lunch but I'll bring something just in case.

I don't want to be like this. I have so much to do, new job, and my grad class is really work heavy. I have five assignments to do this week and it's only the first week. That's not a good sign.

I'm overwhelmed. Currently I'm laying on the couch even though the mess in here is driving me insane. I am not so depressed that I can't function so ina few minutes I'm going to get up and clean but I am afraid that's where this is headed.

I'm considering starting emsam again. Before this gets too bad. My pnurse won't agree, she's too afraid of mania. But from what I've researched depakote alone doesn't really work for depression. I have enough emsam for about six weeks, twice as long if I take it every other day like I was. It shouldn't make me manic if the depakote and vraylar do their jobs. I really think it would be best. I don't see my nurse again until oct 5 but I can leave a message for her and she will call me back next week sometime.

I just want to be stable again.

I'm so sorry. You've really been struggling lately, I'm in a depressive episode right now so I understand, sending big hugs. What was the issue with the ensam that you went off it?

Depakote doesn't really do anything for depression. Are you on anything that does?

My nurse thought latuda could work as mono therapy. We didn't anticipate my horrible reaction to latuda.

Not right now, that's why I want to start emsam again. It's an MAOI AD and it worked really well for me in the past.

I am sorry you are going through this.

You are very wise in being pro-active.


WC

I think I'm going to take the emsam. I'm having passive SI. I cant let this get worse.

I hope the emsam works quickly and you feel better soon.

I'd start the Emsam just because it does take a bit to work and it's better t not be in a deep hole when you need it. For me it was really stimulating when I started so don't be surprised if you get a jolt (I don't remember if you had that too). I hope it helps.

I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time. I'm thinking of you. And I hope the emsam helps you beat this.

I put the patch on. Pnurse be damned.

Thank you for all your support.

I hope the emsam works for you, wildflower!

Hope your plan works!

Yeah I got a little hypomanic when I first started it. That's why I ended up taking it every other day instead of every day. I think that's what I'm going to do because I'm definitely UP today after taking it! Which is good because I might be able to get my school work done if I can concentrate enough to read.

so sorry you are hurting right now. I hope you cab get your meds sorted out soon.

Was slightly up in the AM yesterday. Leveled out to normal. Got some school work done. I wish I had done more though because I'm back to feeling like **** today.

Had a horrible dream, the kind I get when I'm unwell. So I woke up very anxious. It has morphed into depression. I feel like I can hardly move. I told my son I'd take him to see a movie later but I'm really going to have to force myself.

i feel like hurting myself. Im not going to but it's haunting me. I'm trying to distract t myself with music. I have no energy to get off the couch to do something to distract myself.

I have to get my son lunch. I wish my husband were still alive. I need help.

I'm so sorry you're not doing well again. I can't imagine losing my spouse and having to raise my kids on my own. You are a very brave person. My heart goes out to you.