[getschwifty12]

Hi there, I'm new to the forum type thing but I figured it's the place where most people may be able to relate.

I was just wondering if anyone finds themselves sabotaging their friendships/relationships in general?

It's almost like the people who help me/support me/love me the most get the most abuse in my head. Sometimes i can keep it in my head and I silently brew in my anger with them for no reason and sometimes I say and do stuff that I know will push them further away. I question their motives all the time (more so than the people who blatantly don't care). It's terrible and if I keep going as I am. there's gonna be no one left.

Any ideas on how to combat this?

[UpDownAround]

If it were me, during one of my more rational periods I would share that information to those closest to me and let them know it is my MI causing me to say those things and isn't how I feel. When I am hypomanic, I blurt inappropriate and/or hurtful things sometimes.

[Wild Coyote]

Welcome to PC!

I hope you find the information and the support you are seeking.
Please make yourself at home here.

Relationships are challenging. They are also important.
It's most helpful to us to learn to negotiate healthy, mutually supportive relationships, of course.

Do you work with a therapist?


WC

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having this problem. I would ask the same question as Wild Coyote....do you have a therapist? That could be a game changer for you. Sending big hugs.

[Miss Laura]

Yup! I don't know how I manage it but my circle of friends has diminished since 2010 significantly. I keep them now all at arms length so as not to be seen as a burden to them or that I'm needy. I don't talk to my friends as much as I would like for fear I say something that makes them leave.

I'm sorry your going through a tough time.

[Fuzzybear]

I don't think I do. But I trust very few people, I've been burned too many times

I used to though, I've made many mistakes

Not intentionally but I have. Or perhaps I'm just blaming myself without warrant again, I'm well known for that.

[SheilaKathy]

Yes, I have lost friends too. Mostly due to anger or speaking up for my rights as a person, for instance that I don't like to be teased. One person who was picking on me and teasing me a lot, became an enemy when I mentioned that I was not in the mood to be teased one day. Because we all got a lecture about how a person has the right not to be teased (at the Senior Center where I work) I was blamed for this. So, someone who really was not being nice to me, became my enemy that day and has been since. As I look back on it, he never was a friend. He was mean, and has become more mean as time has gone on. He has lost other friends too. Someone else besides myself does not like being teased and picked on either!

So sometimes you "lose" a "friend" who never really was a friend.

Then I lost one friend who really was a good friend, a caring friend, because I got angry at her for breaking a promise on me. She was unable to keep the promise and I understand that now, but she has never allowed me back into her life again, even though I apologized. Sometimes that is just the way it goes when I have emotions I cannot control. It is part of this mental illness, unfortunately.

What to do about it is to make a lot of friends, so that if you lose one you still have plenty of others. Have friends in different places, like church, the gym, a social club, etc. If you lose one in one place, you still have others in other places. Also, do apologize when you know you have done something for which you need to do so. Apologies go a long way sometimes, other times folks cannot forgive you.

[Fuzzybear]

I agree, apologize if you've done something wrong. But sometimes it really is all about the other person

[Trippin2.0]

I struggle with this too, although it admittedly has nothing to do with my bipolar.
I have BPD as well, and it stems from that.

The worst my BP does is me isolating while depressed, but by now everyone knows to give me some room to breath until I indicate otherwise.

[Wild Coyote]

I have great difficulty keeping up with relationships.
I deal with chronic illnesses, chronic pain and try to be Present for myself, my H and my mother.

I so often do not have the time or the extra energy to maintain additional friendships on a regular basis.


WC

[99fairies]

I used to have some friends but now I have none. Just my husband and kids. I have a habit of choosing friends that are very unhealthy so now I just stay away. It would be nice to have even one friend that is a good influence on me.

No, I don't sabotage relationships.

Something other than BP would be the culprit for that behavior.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I struggle with this too, although it admittedly has nothing to do with my bipolar.
I have BPD as well, and it stems from that.

The worst my BP does is me isolating while depressed, but by now everyone knows to give me some room to breath until I indicate otherwise.

Thank you, Trippin. Well said.

not really, I don't think.

for me the biggist issue is forgiving someone once they've done me wrong (even if it's something little), and not even worth forgiving- it's hard for me.

so that's how I usually lose friends. they'll say something, or do something, and that's it. they are out of my life.

that, or i'll share too much information about my diagnoses and they take off running before you can say forum

I am also not very good about taking jokes (not just about bipolar, about most things)

so take it too far, another way to lose me as a friend

[GoingInside]

I think I sabotage more by being away, by retreating too often, abandoning people. It's like I can't help but thinking that I'm doing people a favor, even though they will complain about my absence. I have allowed many friendships to dissolve and I'm afraid that I probably wasn't there for some friends when they most needed because I probably wasn't ok either, but never I find the courage to apologize or explain myself leaving some people resented.

Originally Posted by GoingInside

I think I sabotage more by being away, by retreating too often, abandoning people. It's like I can't help but thinking that I'm doing people a favor, even though they will complain about my absence. I have allowed many friendships to dissolve and I'm afraid that I probably wasn't there for some friends when they most needed because I probably wasn't ok either, but never I find the courage to apologize or explain myself leaving some people resented.

Boy can I relate to this. Ugggg. (((Hugs)))