[wonderluster]

It feels safe here on this site. What a wonderful thing.

When I come here it is like entering back into one of my safe and beneficial hospital stays. I have not been in a psyche hospital since January 2011;
though I have thought about going in a few times since then

I remember thinking that the doors were locked not to keep me in;
The doors were locked to keep the crazy people from coming in.

It's a battle out here.
I am working on changing my strategy and tactics before I lose this battle.
I narrowly avoided utter catastrophe today.
What makes it all the more horrifying is that the only people who will know are those reading this post.

If you are in a safe place, be grateful. You have everything.

[Shazerac]

I'm so glad you feel safe here. Thank you for this reminder. I feel safe here to.

[Fuzzybear]

Feeling safe is valuable. I often feel unsafe so I know how it shades everything in darkness and terror. (((Hugs)))

[Wild Coyote]

I am glad you feel safe.

I feel reasonably safe, probably due to the kind, compassionate majority and also due to anonymity.

In life, I am quietly "guarded." C-PTSD is a very real condition in my life and has a very real impact upon me.

I feel safest (esp in places new to me) with my H present.
I feel safest around the medical hospital and procedures with my H with me, as well.


WC

[wonderluster]

It seems to me that the only real people are those who are fighting for their lives.

Thanks and Hugs to All

[wonderluster]

So for the last seven years I have been traveling around the USA, Europe, Africa and now I am in India.

I have had nothing but traumatic events since my major one in 2010.
I cannot believe the intense complicated drama and trauma I continue to experience. I have no clue where I will be a day from now or a week, month or year from now or in what condition I will be in.

I am sober and that is good. At least I have the sense to stay off drugs and alcohol.

So I just some how manage in this constant state of fight or flight mostly...
Sometimes I have brief interludes of calmness. but most of the time I am on this epic bewildering journey through the labyrinth of the Earth.

I live off a very modest monthly pension. I have always had a good place to stay except a brief time of running amok in a manic episode in the streets of a major US city back in 2010...right after the big trauma.

Still I come close often to starving and being homeless.

I am trying hard to settle down. Wish me luck. Today was very traumatic.
Somehow today's trauma made me realize some things.
I realized that I am indeed in a constant state of trauma.

Other than that I am constantly reading and learning and trying to write.
I have succeeded in writing some good short things, but it has been hard to focus on major projects. I used to be a teacher and a pro musician.

Now I am involved in a bewildering domestic situation with a wonderful Indian woman and her 2 wonderful kids...oh ya...and the 20 something cousin man.

So I am in this state and I am dealing with a rather "different" culture.
The culture shock in itself would challenge the sanity of any sane person.

ok...I feel a bit better after sharing my situation.

I hope you all are having a peaceful Saturday. It is 1:35 in the morning now and except for you all here I really feel alone in this world.

Thanks just for being here <3

[UpDownAround]

I don't talk so openly when I am not with my good friend Ann O'Nimity. There are a handful of posters who often respond supportively to me or send a virtual hug my way when I need it that help me feel a little better and I appreciate that. I hope I repay the kindness even though I know that is something I am not good at.

[Sunflower123]

I'm glad you're here and that you feel safe. I find that the people here get me and my illness in a way that the outside world doesn't. I feel pretty safe here and able to open up in a way that I can't outside this site.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Has all this travel been painful for/to you or have you had some wonderful adventures as well? I envy you your travel. I wish I had the courage to do what you're doing.

Sending big hugs.

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I'm glad you're here and that you feel safe. I find that the people here get me and my illness in a way that the outside world doesn't. I feel pretty safe here and able to open up in a way that I can't outside this site.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Has all this travel been painful for/to you or have you had some wonderful adventures as well? I envy you your travel. I wish I had the courage to do what you're doing.

Sending big hugs.

Thank You so much for your consistent support, Jennifer (1967)

The adventures are wonderful until I get entangled with people.
Now I may be in terrible trouble, regarding a visa that was promised to be taken care of, but was not. Also it seems I got myself into a relationship that will only cause me suffering. I am working hard trying to figure this out. I may have to bail out, but I could face jail time for expired visa and the very least fines. I also have no where else to go at this time and I am feeling so alone. I will not give up though. Sometimes it seems hopeless and so depressing, but I continue to try to get a handle on things.

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am glad you feel safe.

I feel reasonably safe, probably due to the kind, compassionate majority and also due to anonymity.

In life, I am quietly "guarded." C-PTSD is a very real condition in my life and has a very real impact upon me.

I feel safest (esp in places new to me) with my H present.
I feel safest around the medical hospital and procedures with my H with me, as well.


WC

Thank You for being so kind, Wild Coyote. The hugs mean so much to a person like me who is at this time drowning.

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

I'm so glad you feel safe here. Thank you for this reminder. I feel safe here to.

Thanks for your kindness, Shazerac. I do not take yours or anybodies kindness for granted.

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

You have been so kind to me, Fuzzybear. Thank You

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Feeling safe is valuable. I often feel unsafe so I know how it shades everything in darkness and terror. (((Hugs)))

Your hugs and kindness are so appreciated by me, ElsaMars. Thank You

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by UpDownAround

I don't talk so openly when I am not with my good friend Ann O'Nimity. There are a handful of posters who often respond supportively to me or send a virtual hug my way when I need it that help me feel a little better and I appreciate that. I hope I repay the kindness even though I know that is something I am not good at.

UpDownAround, You have payed me great kindness and I appreciate you and everybody here. Thanks

[wonderluster]

I am normally the guy who has it together and people come to me to help solve their problems. Strangers start telling me things as if I am their therapist. Last year a VA counselor started a conversation with me in the men's room of the Golden Corral in Kingman, Arizona. We talked for about 15 minutes and he was so grateful for the encouragement I gave him.

Now everything is confusing and out of proportion and perspective.

I hope to get out of my funk soon so I can get back to that place of strength.