Back in IOP again

Went to group. Told them what's going on. They think mixed state but I think depression. I left out the SI bits so I don't get hospitalized. That ****ing doctor there is gonna dope me up and prescribe me an antidepressant that has ****ed with my heart previously. I don't believe he is doing things in my best interest. I don't know why, but he wants to keep me ill and dependent upon these substances. And stupid. I'm a genius. I really am. But for some reason or another this is bad for him or anyone on his side. And he's going to dope me up and sedate me so I don't have any intelligence. He is not on my side. He is the enemy, and I don't know why, but that's the way it is.

Can you change to another doctor? The one you currently have doesn't seem to be a good fit.

Hi-you know something is going on with you. Do you have periods where you don't have insight? I'm worried - ask a family member if they think you're OK.

I don't know what SI stands for, but if it means what I think it does, please think. Do you always feel this way about your doc? Perhaps you need to see the doc.

I have periods where I don't have insight. I'm only saying what I wish someone would have said to me. I might have sworn at them anyway, though.

I agree with the above poster. How long have you been seeing this doctor? Do you always feel this way about them?

That’s why I no longer do hospitals. Or group. I went to med hospital last week for heart problems. I kept screaming, “Ambien! Ambien!” But they wouldn’t listen.

AMA’ed my way out. No more Ambien, no more problems.

Do what I do - humiliate the oh-so-smart docs as an expert in something they don’t know: “What? You’ve never been to Vietnam? That’s crazy! Are you stupid or something?”

Suicidal Ideations. They can slap you in for 72 hours if you even say crap like, “man, these oysters are to die for!”

Homicidal Ideations, too. Possessing a weapon (my psych building Sez “no weapons, &etc,” as if I’m gonna turn over my concealed handgun to a receptionist) and threatening to kill your baby’s mama. 72 hours.

The doctor and I used to be very close, but now because of what I found out about him I don't trust him at all, and there is no way I'm letting him increase the dose on my clozapine or add on another medication. Ive been in and out of that IOP for 3 years now. He's only a pdoc there so today Im going to tell them today is my last day of IOP.
And yes SI is suicidal ideation.

You ever get the feeling they like to sedate the folks that don't want to be sedated, and "activate" the ones that are looking for that sedated feeling. Now you got me going again...lol.

Seriously though, hope you end with a stable, comfortable outlook; sucks to have to fight everything. Finding a doc you can trust can be rough.