lack of words unless flying of the handle

Yes, you should be able to increase your mood stabilizer. I just meant if you ever need clozapine it isn't as bad as you probably think. I did every adjustment/med change possible to avoid it too.

I'm not sure that it is possible to live with an illness that affects our moods without feeling pretty bad about ourselves sometimes. Doesn't mean it is true though.

Bee-otch. It’s strange that I’m able to change my mood to b!tchy but you (or I - any of us) can’t type the root.

Okay. You sound better. I know, yep, no squirrels but I’m seeing squirrels and dead dear dad sitting on my bed and we’re just talking. Walking into the Athenian Human Parthenogenesis. Atom Smashing. I’m much more the hallucinationator than delusional.

I’m not certain that being a b!tch is bad. For a couple of years. I’m a bit confused - is your husband away? Are you frightened when he’s not at home? I’m trying to understand your current situation.

He leaves at times when I can't go with him especially now that my nephew is here, like to the store. I'm always afraid someone will see them leave and think no one else is home. Last night I was still afraid while he was home but zyprexa knocked me out before I could think about it too much. Mornings are better for me though I'm really tired in the morning. I talked to my husband so he knows what's up. He says I'm not being a b!tch. That's all in my head. He doesn't get that reality is too real.

I told my husband that reality was painful, loud, and I wanted to hurt myself to escape it. He bought me new head phones so I can concentrate on music and zone out a little. Now the constent chatter of the kids aren't bothering me as much. I still think my body has to much blood in it but I know I'm wrong.

The world won't stop......you need to slow yourself down. I'm a schoolteacher - I suffer from the same issue. My school is a madhouse of activity all day every day and I need to watch myself because if I feel like I'm getting crushed, cornered, or pushed here and there, I'll do something stupid.

Once I get in that state, things can go from bad to worse for me. So I just slow my roll and realize it isn't that important. I can't be the hard charger I used to be. The extra effort doesn't translate as a factor.

Think of it this way - we give 1 and create 1. But if we give 10, we only create 2.

I just have to wait until Tuesday and see what T says. She'll probably tell me to do things to distract myself. That doesn't work for me even doing thing my mind is still ****ing with me.

Maybe you just need a break from T ? It seems you worry so much about what this T might or might not see......

Maybe a break would help you

I'm thinking that too but I worry that when I get paranoid of my husband I'll only have PC that I will believe which usually suggests I go IP. At least with T can poke holes in my "theories" and I can't wiggle out of them. She can see the mental gymnastics I go through even if she can't help. I only see her 2x a month but I only see pdoc every 3 months. Maybe I should go down to 1x a month or find another T just weekly sounds to much but my moods change so much I'm doubting my BP and not BPD.

I'm thinking that too but I worry that when I get paranoid of my husband I'll only have PC that I will believe which usually suggests I go IP. At least with T can poke holes in my "theories" and I can't wiggle out of them. She can see the mental gymnastics I go through even if she can't help. I only see her 2x a month but I only see pdoc every 3 months. Maybe I should go down to 1x a month or find another T just weekly sounds to much but my moods change so much I'm doubting my BP and not BPD.