[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

(((((Everyone)))))

There's a silver lining to all this dark and cloudy stuff of life: I'm writing again so that's helping a bit.

MRI for right shoulder tomorrow. Don't expect anything bad, since even the X-ray I had showed that it healed up somehow. Had nerve block for the left side of my back last week. It seems to be doing fine.

I don't know why I feel like I have to be physically broken somehow. Maybe my childhood, I don't know.

I dropped my classes due to stress. I feel bad about that. It's like everything is standing still again. My husband is looking at dropping one of his because he can't keep up either. It seems so much has to be done all at once.

Other than that I'm just existing.

it's great to hear from you!
I've been wondering how you've been doing.

WC

[Amethyst_Stargazer]

Right now I'm feeling a bit sleepy and listening to some relaxing music.

About to make some tea in a bit.

[Daonnachd]

We have power back. If you've seen news about the massive firestorm that's devastating the Napa Valley and surrounding wine country, that's where I live. It's been horribly stressful not having any way to communicate with loved ones or to get images of where the fires are. To give a bit of perspective, this is being called the worst in the state's history. So far we haven't been evacuated, though.

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( Vertigo and Family ))))))

Be safe.


WC

[hopeless2015]

2nd week back at work and crazy busy. Doing pretty good mentally. Saw pdoc today and he thinks I'm excessively medicated. I'm on 2 mood stabilizers...is that really necessary? He gave me a plan to go down on 1 and up on the other one, it's a 4 week plan. Will see how it goes. I stay on the Seroquel and Wellbutrin that has recently been added. I go back in Dec so hopefully this doesn't **** me up in the meantime. Hugs to all!

[xRavenx]

Today was a very, very exhausting day, being torn in so many different directions. I didn't get to eat, really. I wish I was able to rest tomorrow, but can't.

[bizi]

I was able to get my brakes fixed for $150 cheaper than firestone.
I dropped jeff off at work and used his car today. It is a 6 speed and I had not mastered shifting into 6th gear yet but had all in town clients to see so that should mean I only would need to shift it into 5th gear.
anyway.
I taught myself to shift it into 6th gear twice....so am happy about that.
Then a friend dropped off jeff to pick up the car at 5 while I still had one more client to see.
I did not get done with her until after 7 jeff was mad that I did not call him to let him know that I was going to be late. we had pizza tonight because it was close and did not take long to cook, fast oven.
It was very good. we split one.
I am tired will get to bed early tonight, got up early today as kept thinking the alarm was going to go off....jeff was sleeping and I did not want to wake him up.

I have to get my tb test read tomorrow at noon.must not forget!

We are going out to a going away dinner for my girl friend who moved away to nash ville, she has medical tests this week and her daughter celebrated her 11th birthday. I got her a gift card to target.
yawn....Think I will head to bed early.

bizi

[bpforever1]

Today I had a class. Then, I ate steak for lunch. I am tired but happy. I now have to go out and pay my bills. Yuck!!

demmie lovato's song warrior is so deep.

I finally got to hear it (everyone was talking about the song, so I youtubed it)

I would love to play that song to my family, if only I believed my armor was that strong.

but I don't, and I know it isn't, so..

had some more family visions to cope with yesterday (and some random knocking), both of them all in my head- and both of them keeping me up all night.

I am feeling pretty good right now, partly because I have just accepted a new member on to my jokes email group.

I don't think I can say it enough. when I created it a year ago, I didn't think it would last as long as it did.

I am also going to order my groceries today (hopefully something healthy, but i'm not counting on it)

I feel quite hungry (all i've eaten so far today is toast)

I am better than yesterday which is the main thing

yesterday sucked, but we all know those days have to happen to get to the good (or semi good) stuff

[VerMOZZica]

It`s 3:00 in the morning here.I watched a movie earlier to pass the time.I`m not sleeping because I didn`t take my meds . I didn`t take my meds because I have an appointment I need to get to tomorrow. Anyway yesterday I went to the pdoc. He asked me all the stuff we usually talk about.He asked me about my concentration yesterday. I told him I was having trouble concentrating. He even asked me what month it was and what year it was.It went ok. I don`t have to go back until next year and that was a relief for me because going to doctor`s offices make me anxious. I don`t have to go back until next year because they are so backed up I guess they don`t have any earlier appointments. He told me I have enough refills to get by until then.I guess that suits me just fine.Anyway it was a long day yesterday. I really hate to leave the house and go places sometimes.My pdoc even prescribed vitamin d to me because I don`t get out enough. I guess I need more sun.Heaven knows we have tons of sunshine here.

[bpforever1]

I like Demi Lovato too. She is a role model for people with bp.

[bpforever1]

I am not feeling too well. I'm fidgety and feel irritable. At least, tomorrow, I have a day off. So, I have no worries. I wish I had family here. I am all alone and have to do everything myself. Even when I just want to eat, I have to go shopping by myself or go out. At times I want to just stay in, but have to go out to do chores. If I let everything go to pot, nobody cares. Thus, I keep fighting to survive. I wish it was easier. But, it is not. I hate being ill and all alone. People I meet are through work. I don't mind them but want to keep my private life to myself. Who wants to hear about my illness? I also have a jerk as a boss now. He acts like he is the big chief and treats me badly. He thinks I'm desperate for work and pretends to give me more classes then makes excuses to not give me more classes. I hate his guts. He is a sadist. I am hoping to quit his school once I get other jobs elsewhere. For now I must bear and grin it. People like him deserve eternal hell. He does not want others to take over his job, I understand,but the way he acts is disgusting. I can't wait to quit this job. He makes me cringe when I see him. Of course, I don't say anything to his face or act strangely to him. But, if he wants me to grovel for a job, he can burn in hell for making me feel like crap. I don't need to teach his classes and will find some other classes somewhere else. I will just grin and bear it for now. Once I'm out of his sight, I will make sure his reputation is known. He seems to be the type of person to use whomever is in his path. He may have the upper hand now but one day I will make sure to get back to him. Boy, he makes my blood boil!!

[Daonnachd]

The fires are still blowing and shifting here in this area. We left our house last night to stay with my in-laws in the city of Napa. There are fires around this city, too, but not as much of the volatile forest fuel like around our house. I'm worried.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by vertigo

The fires are still blowing and shifting here in this area. We left our house last night to stay with my in-laws in the city of Napa. There are fires around this city, too, but not as much of the volatile forest fuel like around our house. I'm worried.

(((((( Vertigo and Family ))))))

Much Love, Comfort and Peace

You are on my mind, Vertigo.

WC

[WildcatVet]

Met a guy today at my car mechanic's...he just basically said, *Hi, good morning*, then *I'm Bipolar*.
We had to wait for a couple hours for our cars so we ended up talking at great length. Turns out we're both Bipolar II and on the same meds but he was obviously on the high end this morning...still, it was so refreshing to talk with someone so nice and open-minded. Gave me some great resources which are few and far between out here in the boonies. May go to his support group meeting tomorrow night that he moderates.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bpforever1

I am not feeling too well. I'm fidgety and feel irritable. At least, tomorrow, I have a day off. So, I have no worries. I wish I had family here. I am all alone and have to do everything myself. Even when I just want to eat, I have to go shopping by myself or go out. At times I want to just stay in, but have to go out to do chores. If I let everything go to pot, nobody cares. Thus, I keep fighting to survive. I wish it was easier. But, it is not. I hate being ill and all alone. People I meet are through work. I don't mind them but want to keep my private life to myself. Who wants to hear about my illness? I also have a jerk as a boss now. He acts like he is the big chief and treats me badly. He thinks I'm desperate for work and pretends to give me more classes then makes excuses to not give me more classes. I hate his guts. He is a sadist. I am hoping to quit his school once I get other jobs elsewhere. For now I must bear and grin it. People like him deserve eternal hell. He does not want others to take over his job, I understand,but the way he acts is disgusting. I can't wait to quit this job. He makes me cringe when I see him. Of course, I don't say anything to his face or act strangely to him. But, if he wants me to grovel for a job, he can burn in hell for making me feel like crap. I don't need to teach his classes and will find some other classes somewhere else. I will just grin and bear it for now. Once I'm out of his sight, I will make sure his reputation is known. He seems to be the type of person to use whomever is in his path. He may have the upper hand now but one day I will make sure to get back to him. Boy, he makes my blood boil!!

I hope you can find some peace on your day off.

WC

[liveforsummer]

Hugs out to everyone!!!!!!!!! Between day to day and life's struggles it can all be so overwhelming when compounded with any illness.
I teeter between some good moments to moderately blah moments. But the blah dominates. What else is new. I just want a happy pill.
Take care one and all

[bpforever1]

I did not get the job. It is ok. Now, I can take it easy. Unfortunately, I have to still work for the jerk. But, I will survive.

[ReelSteel]

Originally Posted by bpforever1

I am not feeling too well. I'm fidgety and feel irritable. At least, tomorrow, I have a day off. So, I have no worries. I wish I had family here. I am all alone and have to do everything myself. Even when I just want to eat, I have to go shopping by myself or go out. At times I want to just stay in, but have to go out to do chores. If I let everything go to pot, nobody cares. Thus, I keep fighting to survive. I wish it was easier. But, it is not. I hate being ill and all alone. People I meet are through work. I don't mind them but want to keep my private life to myself. Who wants to hear about my illness? I also have a jerk as a boss now. He acts like he is the big chief and treats me badly. He thinks I'm desperate for work and pretends to give me more classes then makes excuses to not give me more classes. I hate his guts. He is a sadist. I am hoping to quit his school once I get other jobs elsewhere. For now I must bear and grin it. People like him deserve eternal hell. He does not want others to take over his job, I understand,but the way he acts is disgusting. I can't wait to quit this job. He makes me cringe when I see him. Of course, I don't say anything to his face or act strangely to him. But, if he wants me to grovel for a job, he can burn in hell for making me feel like crap. I don't need to teach his classes and will find some other classes somewhere else. I will just grin and bear it for now. Once I'm out of his sight, I will make sure his reputation is known. He seems to be the type of person to use whomever is in his path. He may have the upper hand now but one day I will make sure to get back to him. Boy, he makes my blood boil!!

Damn that sucks just keep trying for another job and deal with the asshole till u can't take it anymore and vent as much as possible it s the best therapy

[xRavenx]

Where's the weekend? I work until Saturday, and the amount of responsibility falling on me seems to keep increasing. I'm exhausted all the time. On my way to work, I was afraid of getting into an accident. I suspect Seroquel and Gabapentin together make it dangerous sometimes....even when I don't take Klonopin. I have close to an hour ride to work. The thing is, I take my meds about 2 hours or maybe a little less before bed, but I still wake up tired, even if I get 7.5 to 8 hours.

[Daonnachd]

We went home for a few hours today to collect photos and keepsakes, but we've now officially evacuated our home. The two fires in the hills west of St. Helena are or have joined causing a mandatory evacuation for the town. I've just heard another vague rumour via facebook that Napa residents should also be ready to evacuate. This is so nerve wracking.

If you care to look, here's a map: http://www.arcgis.com/apps/View/inde...6a7e686f144258

It just won't likely mean a lot to you since you don't know the area, but you'll see all the road closures and fires.

[north-polar-coaster]

Feeling pretty good after the last roller-coaster ride this past week. Now if I could just get some sleep...

[Nammu]

Wow, very scary. That's got to be worrisome. I. Hope everything works out for you vertigo.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Wow, very scary. That's got to be worrisome. I. Hope everything works out for you vertigo.

Yeah, it may be catastrophising, but I feel fairly certain that our house is going to be nothing a pile of ashes when we get back to it. I so desperately want this to be over.

[Nammu]

After seeing photos and videos from California I'd say it's a realistic worry and not catastrophizing to fear that. Still I understand the wish for it to be over with one way or the other, not knowing is terrible.