[dshantel]

I don't know how much longer I can do this. Everyday I dread the next because I know it won't be any different than today. What will change? I hate night time, I dread it too because there are not enough distractions to keep me from my own mind. I hate social media because it mocks me. I just want what everyone else has. A life. I'm just stuck here not moving forward, not going anywhere. Not learning. Just left behind. Pretending to be fine. I just want to disappear. I know my problems are not as bad as many people but I can't control how I feel. All I can do is feel and I don't want to feel. I don't want to think either. The urge to leave just gets stronger and stronger. I just don't want to feel this way anymore.

[wildflowerchild25]

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. I hope it changes for you soon!

[99fairies]

How old are your kids? Do they go to school?

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by 99fairies

How old are your kids? Do they go to school?

I have 4 kids. Ages 7, 5, 3 and 9 months. Two are in school.

[Daonnachd]

As a former teacher, I zeroed in on your statement that you're not learning. So I ask you this: Would taking an online class help you step away from the thoughts and emotions which plague you at the moment?

I know that there are lots of lectures and lecture series on youtube which you could stream without the added pressure of turning in papers or even doing the registration of a real online class.

If having a bit of responsibility in the form of papers to turn in would help keep you focused on getting through the material, I would be willing to read summaries of whatever you're learning. I would be doing something a little like teaching, which I miss, and it would help you reinforce your new learning.

[99fairies]

It's hard having 4 young children. Every day feels like the same old thing.And you don't get much time to yourself. wishing you the best.

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by vertigo

As a former teacher, I zeroed in on your statement that you're not learning. So I ask you this: Would taking an online class help you step away from the thoughts and emotions which plague you at the moment?

I know that there are lots of lectures and lecture series on youtube which you could stream without the added pressure of turning in papers or even doing the registration of a real online class.

If having a bit of responsibility in the form of papers to turn in would help keep you focused on getting through the material, I would be willing to read summaries of whatever you're learning. I would be doing something a little like teaching, which I miss, and it would help you reinforce your new learning.

For me the learning part has to do with growing as a part of the beauty industry. I'm a licensed cosmetologist. I'm watching everyone I know grow and move forward with what they are doing and I'm just here stuck not growing not moving forward. My husband keeps saying that when all the kids are in school, then maybe I can go back to the salon. But what's the point when I'm already left behind. I'm not learning in that aspect. I had finally found something to be passionate about that I loved and I can't even do it anymore. I can't do anything anymore. I wouldn't mind going back to school if I could. Not sure how I'd do with online though, I get distracted and discouraged easily if I'm not moving or interacting. Thanks!

[hopeless2015]

Sending hugs!!

[Shazerac]

It hard to stay home with kids. I bet it does feel like life is passing you by.

I am curious about one thing though...."your husband says that maybe you can go back to work when the kids are in school" ??? Why is he calling the shots? Your youngest is only 9 months old. That's a loooooong time to wait to change your situation.

[~Christina]

Im sorry your feeling so down I understand, I really do

Bipolar will cycle its the only thing that you can count on It cycles.

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

It hard to stay home with kids. I bet it does feel like life is passing you by.

I am curious about one thing though...."your husband says that maybe you can go back to work when the kids are in school" ??? Why is he calling the shots? Your youngest is only 9 months old. That's a loooooong time to wait to change your situation.

He makes the most money. I'm a licensed hair stylist, so I alone wouldn't be able to support 4 kids. I do everything around whatever his schedule is, partly because I don't drive due to anxiety. We can't afford daycare even if I did work and then there's the issue of after care and after school childcare if I wanted to work as well as the weekends. We have no family here and I don't know anyone. His work hours are rediculous. Yesterday he worked 6am to 11pm. He never gets home the same time and 3 to 4 days of the week he has to go back at night. So that's why I can't even get a 2nd shift job. I try to come up with ways to make things better but nothing works and even the 3rd shift jobs hours don't work with his hours.

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Im sorry your feeling so down I understand, I really do

Bipolar will cycle its the only thing that you can count on It cycles.

Yea, I can hardly think of a time this year that I've been stable. Maybe for a day or two. Idk.

[Shazerac]

Do you have any options to get out of the house occasionally? I was driving by a church today and I noticed a sign that said "mother's day out." They offer day care for mothers who need a day off. Do you know any one who has children that could trade child care with you. Even a day off occasionally would help you a lot.

Perhaps you could look up groups in your area that have play dates. The mothers get to together and while their children play so they have a chance to talk to another human adult.

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

Do you have any options to get out of the house occasionally? I was driving by a church today and I noticed a sign that said "mother's day out." Do you know any one who has children that could trade child care with. Even a day off occasionally would help you a lot.

We don't know anyone at all here. Other than my therapist. I don't know any of the neighbors because no one ever goes outside other than to leave. I think it's mostly older people. I literally stay at home unless it's an appointment or going to the store.

[Shazerac]

I just googled some things in Asheville. There is meetup group for stay at home moms

https://www.meetup.com/Asheville-Sta...zaiF51kHl6zMEO

Try doing other searches; Mother's Day out, parents morning out, play dates for mothers, etc.

I don't know if you attend a church, but there are many churches in your area that have programs too. Also the YMCA.