Manic, according to them

Both members of my psych team said today that I'm manic. It has to do with my wanderlust and the regular kind of lust. The prescriber didn't change anything, but only gave me one months prescriptions instead of the usual three. Therapist said point blank "you're manic. I can see it from here." I've thought it over and they both are right. I've done some risky behaviours sexually, spent money I don't have to spend, and thought long and hard as well as planned about running fast and far as my car will go. But the weird bit, the racing thoughts have actually slowed over the last several days. Could it be that I've just sped up? I'm not obsessively thinking about my past some of the time, which is new and quite nice.
My only response: I may well be manic. So what? It's nice to not be depressed as hell. Sure, there's dips, like Saturday, but I feel the most calm I've ever felt when told I'm manic. Do I try to fix this? Should I?

Does it ever turn ugly on you if you don't fix it? What is the progression of your mania like?

It has been bad in the past, but not in a long long time. The worst was when I quit sleeping for several weeks and kept drinking the whole time. I'm getting 7 hours plus if sleep every night, thanks to Seroquel. I never stop my meds and won't. I had sex with two women in one day last week, one being the curvy sexy one I met, but she's so far from someone I want to be involved with. She brought out the "L word" before our first date and that meant she stands no chance ever. She brought out the sex before then too, but I didn't turn that down. I spent most of my money today on things needed and frivolities, one of which is an adult sized onesie of Deadpool. Hey, I needed something for church! I'm not drinking or doing drugs. I'm still going to the gym, and did so this morning. I'm still meditating daily and trying to be grateful. This one just seems like I'm enjoying life more than being manic

I've got the feeling today. I feel high but I'm not in drugs that aren't meds and as prescribed. At least I'm smiling. If I can keep the gremlins from coming through, I'll be ok. My gremlins are when I want to do things that are slightly or very illegal just for the adrenaline.

Enjoy the ride, but be careful it sounds like you know the warning signs if you are getting too manic. Bipolar meds help us stay on a more even keel. But they can't eliminate the highs and lows completely.

Been running and walking. Standing on a tree stump in the cemetery right now because the wind and the sun feel so amazing. It's just going to happen. That lack of sleep last night coupled with this feeling, though not the drug, of ecstacy. I saw that curvy and crazy chick that pulled the L card before our first date earlier. I escaped before she could see me. She had no other reason to be there except looking for me. I'm thinking about talking to her, but she'd either be looking to hurt me or try to repair a thing that was never existent.

My vote is stay away from the curvy chick. You have your own stuff to deal with

Ive gone through the same thing. Sometimes we arent the best judges of our mania. I didnt think i was getting manic and my t said i was and 2 years ago, I drove from Wisconsin all the way to arizona and climbed mountains. Sounds fun but not when you finally get the irritability.

She was in the parking lot. I think I handled it well. Here's what happened:
She had a very big smile when she saw me.
I walked up, put my hand up like a stop and said "please listen. I liked you then you started the whole sex thing. I told you I didn't want a serious anything in my life right now, and I still mean it. I hope you find what you need. I'm not it, and I'm sorry you had to feel bad."
She asked for a hug. I told her it was only a hug. We hugged. She was crying. Dammit. She asked if we could go talk somewhere.
"No. We're done here. You came in way too strong. I'm sorry you got hurt. I feel bad because you're hurting, but the whole thing here's too f---ed up to continue."
"Can we be friends at least?"
"Give me a few weeks. If I message you then I'm ok with it. I don't have the ability to do so right now."
"You have a girlfriend don't you?"
"Of course not. I'm not a cheater. You take care. Bye"
I then walked away.
_-_-_-_-
Did I do well there or not?

I wanted to hold her and just tell her it's ok, because of how often I need that for me, but I knew I couldn't. I wanted to be apologetic more than I was but I wanted to also not seem accepting of her. I don't need super clingy anyone right now.
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Also, yesterday, at my psych appointment, I did promise her that I will not be gone more than a week the first time out without returning and checking back in. I fully intend to keep that promise. She said that made her feel a little better about it but she still is worried. I reminded her that she has my cell number and can check in any time. She knows that I also have hers.

I think you did very well.

I hope you have a soft landing

I saw my t when I was (I thought slightly) hypomanic and was surprised that the next week she talked about falling a little behind what we had mapped out because I was "in crisis" the week before. Crisis? She rattled off a few things I had said that did seem vaguely familiar...

I did use the energy for good today, I think. I walked. I ran. I tried to let curvy girl down lightly but was firm. I fixed my truck, so it stops well. I'm at the gym now. Did 3.2 miles in about 20 minutes on the elliptical and I'm on the treadmill now, immediately after wiping down the elliptical. I'll go home and relax with some kava tea and take my meds. I should sleep tonight after wearing myself out physically, if I ever get to to that point.
No gremlins are active today but they tried anyway

I have not been this kind of wired up in a long time and never before without drugs added of my own choosing. How can I keep it going forever or get it to stop NOW?
I'm both afraid of it and excited about it. I don't know what to do. Up or down?
I made a pass at a woman in front of her kids. She had no ring. It wasn't nice of me and I know. I only said "tired of chasing them? Wanna try me?" as I walked past her in the store. She told me to chase them. I did, for a good ten minutes in the toy section at Walmart. It was awesome. We played with toys and they told me all about the ones they liked and which ones they had at home. She just stood there on her phone. I said "come play! These kids are awesome!" But, she just stood there looking at her phone. I left with a smile on my face anyway. She just looked like she'd seen the best meme ever on her phone and would never look away from it. At least I had fun and gave those kids a good 10 minutes.

If I were that woman I would have be very creeped out..

Maybe you need to check in with your Pdoc and see if this a good road to go down for you.

She didn't seem cried out, but bored. I've raised six and know how to get kids to have fun. I miss mine being that little but they're all grown. I also have this strange ability to draw just about anyone out of their shell, but that's another story.
I did stop and say "stop" to the woman that kept "running into me" at Meijer tonight. 3 times? I get it. But no. I did tell her that's she's "good looking but I'm not deserving of anyone nor fit for anyone. I'm damaged goods"

I think you need to get help for your mania

I'll call tomorrow. I can't afford another copay. I truly don't have it. I've actually spent more than I should leaving me with next to nothing the rest of the month, $25, and another bill will come out of my bank overdrafting me to 100 on the first. I just want to run instead. I will call

I called about 75 minutes ago, and had to leave voicemail. She will call as soon as she can. If not by 6, I'll text her. I'm noticing a few of my warning symptoms of oncoming paranoia like heightened senses of hearing and taste which means I'm not far from peaking or crashing entirely. I'm standing brave anyway. Not actually standing at the moment. Just laying down trying to avoid thinking. It's a sort of meditation where I ignore my feelings and thoughts. It got me through 19 years of marriage anyway

Maybe your Pdoc will be willing to do something over the phone and you can avoid a copay.

I think you really need help.

She's only in office one day a week, and that's on Tuesday. If she doesn't call by 6, I'll message her directly

She didn't call. I feel asleep. Too late now to contact her directly. I've mostly slept all day. Could be I'm coming down gently on my own, as has happened before. I've got gym time early in the morning and will push myself hard there as usual.

Update. I'm a lot more relaxed today. I went to kickboxing class this morning, my second session, and it's very much a difficult activity for me. Even though I'm only punching air, it just seems so violent and foreign. I can barely keep up, but take breaks when I have to and do my best. I abhor physical violence but can dig it as an artform, as long as I'm only punching air. I've physically fought 4 times ever in my life and I felt so horrible about it every time.
I followed that with yoga. I love yoga. It's how I connect all four areas of my being; physical, mental, emotional, and the primary reason, spiritual. I left there feeling like the world was ok.
I don't feel manic today, but, for lack of a better word, more "normalized." I think the excessive sleep yesterday made a huge difference. I'm not irritable. Things that should tick me off are not affecting me at all.
I think I came down on my own just fine.