Attention

Are you ever afraid you're making things up for attention? Like exaggerating the seriousness of an episode or something like that? I am. I didn't get much attention growing up (mom was severely depressed, dad ill, dad died, mom lost it). So all throughout my childhood, I tried to hurt myself in order to get attention. Like I remember trying to break bones so i would have to wear a cast and everyone would give me attention. I would jump out of my tree, do jumps on my roller blades, and I even let the heavy garage door fall on my arm multiple times. Thankfully I never did break a bone. I also fantasized about getting cancer or diabetes or some serious illness that would hospitalize me. It went so far that I actually talked myself into believing I had the symptoms of diabetes, right down to the weight loss. When i was told I didn't have it, I cried.

When I was in sixth grade I read an article on depression. It sounded like me. I went to my mom and said I think I'm depressed. She pretty much ignored me. Then in seventh grade I suddenly felt much, much better. Super confident, outgoing when I had been shy, exuberant, etcetera. But in eighth grade I crashed. I developed "anorexia", which I put in quotes, because again, I was doing it for attention. I really didn't eat but it wasn't because I was afraid of eating or gaining weight, I just wanted to be super thin so everyone would notice me.

This continued throughout my adolescence. The thing was, I WAS genuinely mentally ill during that time. But I always minimized because I thought I just wanted attention.

Now as an adult, the same things come back to me when I'm ill. Most of you know I'm struggling right now. Well my therapist yesterday said she was worried about me, and my mind was like "ME? She's worried about ME? how grand!" which isn't how I really feel. I don't need people to worry about me anymore, I'm a grown woman. Even on here I feel like I'm making it out to be much worse than it really is.

But this also bites me in the ***, because I minimize and minimize and minimize and then it all boils over and I've done something dangerous and stupid and messed up my life.

I don't know, I'm not sure if I've explained it right.

TL;DR: Do you think you make up your mental illness for attention? Even if ?that's not true, do you feel that way sometimes?

Yes. My therapist and I have conversations about how to know it is real and that he believes me. He also usually points out that he and my pdoc are both trained to know what is real and what isn't and that they agree that I'm having whatever episode I say I am.

I used to try to injure myself for attention too when I was a little kid. Somehow it never moved on to self-injury but I did all sorts of things trying to break bones. I also used to punish myself, including hitting myself or setting a time I had to stand in a corner or whatever. I was fascinated with getting in trouble at school but always made sure I was on my best behavior. My mom was a teacher and would have known about anything I did in 5 minutes and I was too scared to act out.

You are not alone.

I could've written that post myself. When I was younger I would try to break bones, give myself concussions, etc etc. I would be in the nurses office every single day until my teacher caught on that I didn't need to be there and wouldn't let me go anymore. Then in middle school I self harmed solely for the attention. I started experiencing psychosis in high school and although at the time I didn't really know, later (like now) I started thinking maybe I made it all up because I felt like I was just tossed aside and ignored. Rationally I know I didn't, but even today I wonder if I'm just making up the symptoms so someone will notice and take care of me.

Ironically when I actually did break a bone in high school a combination of a high pain tolerance and being taught all my childhood not to complain led to my ignoring my broken ankle and running on it, eventually tearing up my knee and ankle both. I've had 3 surgeries because of it, one of them really extensive and I got to have several casts and did not enjoy the attention.

For me it is wrapped up in denial. Like when I’m feeling “ok” I think there’s nothing wrong with me and what if this is all false, I’ve made it up for attention. I struggle accepting the realities of what I have gone through. I’m finding it confusing. I also asked new T if it’s all just perimenopause and I got a firm NO there (though the hormone swings can play a role triggering symptoms I’m told)

I’m on the other end. I’ll minimize and brush it off until I’m in trouble. I only ever deal with severe depression so mania is not a concern.

back in the day, my shrinks accused me of "malingering," etc. long story. I really was having a lot of problems, I just...couldn't articulate it all. I'm now diagnosed as either bipolar i (severe end) or "high functioning" Schizoaffective, manic flavor, so...yeah.

be thankful that your treatment people are working with you.

I can relate—when I was a kid, I belly-crawled to the end of the hall to listen to my mom say nice things about me to her friends on the phone. In real life, she was verbally and physically abusive. I used to fantasize about being in the hospital because doctors and nurses seemed so nice, and I desperately needed that. Even if she was nice, she would often explode at the smallest thing that usually wasn’t even my fault. I couldn’t even count on a nice birthday.

I notice it too as an adult when someone is being nice or paying attention.

I haven’t done anything though for it. I’m pretty withdrawn most of the time, but when hypo...that’s a whole other problem! I don’t know if that counts, but I’ve def had attention-seeking behavior at that time.

I’m so glad people relate. I’ve always been ashamed of this. People hate attention seekers. I’ve been treated poorly by ER docs and pdocs because they perceived I wanted attention.

If anything, I’d like my symptoms to go away and receive less attention because of the BP.

I could almost have written the OP. When I was a child, I used to try to make myself sick so I would get something besides negative attention. I'd sit out in the cold rain for hours, hoping I'd contract pneumonia and die, or at the very least end up in the hospital. I can't believe I'm saying this. I never actually self-harmed though. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who's ever tried to make themselves sick or break bones to get the caring that should have been ours by right.

I never realized until after I'd been diagnosed bipolar that I was one seriously ****ed up little kid. I look back now and see the signs that something was very wrong even when I was a preschooler. But my parents lived in a time when mental illness was a taboo subject and they swept everything under the rug, even though it should have been obvious to everyone that I had issues. Sometimes I feel really sorry for that little girl.

Yes I did lots of the kid stuff. Your not making thing up, You have Legit problems going on.

I often dont always realize just how bad I am doing. If I had not moved and still seeing my T he wouid have bluntly said .. Go home pack a bag and tell your husband to drive you north 110 miles , and call me when you get there.

I minimize because I always feel like I'm making it up. That's what therapy was suppose to help with but it didn't.

I think that I minimize things now because it's what I learned as a child and what I tried to do to overcome that didn't work so that's what I stick with.

Yes! I, too, could have written your post. I craved any attention and my parents were emotionally abusive and distant. I used to say my bedtime prayers and add "Please let me break a bone or go blind or deaf tomorrow".

Thank goodness none of those were answered!

My pdoc now says I'm very factual, straightforward and honest. We have a great relationship.

I do this but more so in my adult life. Whenever my bf of the time and I would fight, I’d find some way to hurt myself for attention. One time while cooking dinner I purposely sliced two fingers... and my bf didn’t even give a **** at the end of the day anyway lol. Now I don’t purposely try and harm but when I’m not feeling good or am hurt, I exaggerate it to the fullest.

For most part, I try to hide everything so I don't draw attention. I tend to just not say anything at all. I get very ashamed and very anxious to have people pay attention to my mental illness. Unless the person I'm talking to has it too.

This is why I struggle so badly with talking to pdoc and am reluctant to find a T. All that attention for so long on me. I often won't call pdoc and get sooner appointments, so I'm often in bad shape before I see him.

I have family members that get angry at me if my mental illness shows. When I was a teen, I once got yelled at for being depressed and isolating. Probably part of why I get so anxious.

Going through this myself right now. I'm pretty sure this diagnosis isn't real and I was just exaggerating my symptoms for attention. It wouldn't be too far-fetched for me. I used to and still do to an extent injure myself partly as self-punishment and partly as a cry for attention.