[boogiesmash]

Well my squad is trying to setup a xmas party and I’m feeling shi tty. Everyone bringing their partners and me by myself.

[boogiesmash]

I’m feeling so crap

[boogiesmash]

It fn hurts so much

[boogiesmash]

I’m trying to hide in my corner hoping no one notices. My eyes are getting super teary

[richeyd80]

Look at it like this. If this your "squad" then technically your not alone. You came with everyone to the party. Sometimes it's all about perspective. Hope it helps!

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by richeyd80

Look at it like this. If this your "squad" then technically your not alone. You came with everyone to the party. Sometimes it's all about perspective. Hope it helps!

Everyone brings a loved one except me.

[richeyd80]

Just trying to help you out not feel that way. But, I get the feeling that not having a significant other is easier to deal with than trying to find one. I get it, I hate being alone, but you know what I hate worse. Not trying. I wish you luck

[boogiesmash]

This has hit me harder than anything recently. I’ve been in bed for two days not wanting to do anything. Dwelling on being alone. Many said I have to work on myself before getting into a relationship but do you know how bad this pain is. I’ve been having crying spells I’m thinking how another holiday I’m alone. I made it to work an I’m holding back tears especially seeing couples together. What the f uck did I do wrong. Am I just a creep and not even capable of getting a woman. Is this my destiny. This hurts so much.

[Northchild]

Why do I get the impression that you base your entire sense of self worth, minute by agonizing minute, on whether or not you "have a woman"? People and relationships are not *things* to be possessed, and no one with any self respect would be attracted to someone who comes off as even a quarter of how needy you're coming off as.

Here's a tip - pretend that you love yourself a great deal and that you're genuinely interested in learning more about the everyday wonders around you. Pick up a new hobby or three, go to a book club, take ballroom dancing lessons. Don't just sit there, do something.

If someone picks up on your new positive vibes, talk to them without worrying about whether or not you'll end up with them for the rest of your life. Pass off your interactions as nothing Earth-shattering at first. Be cool. Don't fawn over them. Don't burn out in an anxiety spiral. Don't hang the entire meaning of your life on how fast you can become a couple.

The beauty of all of this is that it makes the time that you spend by yourself more pleasant, even if you're not currently in love with and/or having sex with someone else. Believe it or not, it's possible to be single and happy with yourself, and if you're happy with yourself then you're more likely to draw others to you.

Now stop worrying and go out and be awesome.

[boogiesmash]

I don’t base my self worth on that. I miss being in a relationship and only had good times when during the holidays when I was in one. It’s been about 8 years that I haven’t had someone for my birthday. Besides the fact that I would like to have a family by now. It just hurts. It hurts so much.

[Northchild]

I don't know how much more bluntly I can put it:

Learn to be happy by yourself. Life is beautiful even if you don't "have" a romantic partner. If you're not comfortable being by yourself and if you're not able to grow beyond your pain and neediness, no one in their right mind is going to want to be in a relationship with you. If, by some freak shot in the dark, you DO end up forging a relationship while you're this needy, I can guarantee you my friend that that relationship will not end well for you.

[SparkySmart]

I spend most holidays alone (and also live alone), because others' expectations overwhelm me. I also don't give gifts because of extreme anxiety about whether the recipient will like it, if it's the right color or size, ad nauseam.

HOWEVER...listen to THIS!! I've decided to help an organization serve a hot turkey dinner to the underprivileged in my area! Yay! No long-term commitment, no isolation, and hopefully worthwhile to boot! Maybe try something warm and fuzzy like this?

[boogiesmash]

Well I️ had a massive meltdown in iop. I️ talked to my therapist alone and she encouraged me to speak to the group after I️ composed myself. It felt good letting it out and found out that the root of all my issues, relationships, Kung fu, work etc is feeling like a failure. Now had a few people talk about it and yes should work on myself so can love others but it comes to a point that I’ve been working on myself for past six years. It gets tiring to hear that but at the same time it hurts so much.

Side note what the hell is wrong with the letter I’ve without the ve. It is a square.

[Sunflower123]

Northchild has excellent advice. I’m sorry you’re in so much pain about this. Sending best wishes, good vibes and crossing my fingers that you find a special someone to be in a relationship and to spend the holidays with.

[SparkySmart]

This probably won't matter, given your state of mind, but I personally prefer to go to functions alone because: I can leave when I want; I don't have to be concerned about making sure the other person is enjoying him/herself; I won't feel like apologizing if the person says something inappropriate (I wouldn't have to anyway, but I would FEEL like I needed to); the other person wouldn't have to apologize for MY idiot behavior; I won't be exposed if I forget someone's name ("Steve, let me introduce you to my close friend and co-worker, ahhhh, ummm, sorry, I forgot your name."...happens to me all the time; I won't have to white-knuckle the drive to the function if the other person is a terrible driver; if I don't like the hors d'oeuvres, I can dispose of them discreetly; I can move around from group to group quickly without explaining why I'm bored to tears... Well, you get it.

[Slightlydelusional]

Boogie, you really need to think long-term as if u keep this attitude u will have this same problem the next year. All the advice about taking care of yourself is the only solution. You need to become a strong person with your hobbies and life. Let the dating part be secondary and be a product of your hard work. Your mind-set is creating a cycle of destruction within yourself and wont stop if u keep it up. Beast down on your Kung Fu and self-care and your lady problems will be solved in time.