[boogiesmash]

I’m having a meltdown at work. I’m going to be all alone for thanksgiving, alone for Xmas party and alone for my bday/New Years. It hurts and hurts so much. For you with loved ones hold on to the don’t take them for granted. I’m so hurt not having a girlfriend.

[boogiesmash]

I don’t think any of thesepeople would go if I die.

[ck3416849]

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

I’m having a meltdown at work. I’m going to be all alone for thanksgiving, alone for Xmas party and alone for my bday/New Years. It hurts and hurts so much. For you with loved ones hold on to the don’t take them for granted. I’m so hurt not having a girlfriend.

I want a man so bad that my alone heart didn't even matter.

[boogiesmash]

I just got out of my car and it was quiet. Nothing waiting for me. I wonder if I fall down and not wake up who will care for me. Who will pick me up. Figuratively I’ve been down. I’m not looking for a rescuer. I’m looking for someone to share life. Is that too hard to ask? I see other people no where anywhere to have a relationship have one. I have so much to offer, is it my gut that women are seeing and be turned around.

Last Xmas party I got an anxiety attack. I was feeling down the mind raced tompoint I couldn’t breathe. Everyone was there with a significant other. Everyone had someone to talk to. Me I was drinking like a fish and hurting. Hurting like I am now. I’m going to write this on my journal so myntherapist can see.

[boogiesmash]

I’m giving up tonight. Just going to bed.

[ck3416849]

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

I’m giving up tonight. Just going to bed.

I hope you feel better boogiesmash.

[boogiesmash]

I didn’t ask for this sh itty existence. I did everything right. Respected everyone, be humble work hard be loyal. I know life isn’t fair but common this is fn overkill. I’m 37. I should be married not pathetic.

[ck3416849]

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

I didn’t ask for this sh itty existence. I did everything right. Respected everyone, be humble work hard be loyal. I know life isn’t fair but common this is fn overkill. I’m 37. I should be married not pathetic.

I'm 36 and that somebody I want to be with, I haven't seen in 10 everyone says its the norm for bipolar. I want to be with somebody to.

[~Christina]

I know this is such a hard hard thing for you to deal with... But do keep in mind you have been improving your life and coping with getting a good handle on yourself.

Would it be nice to have a date that night? Of course ... But I will say I was single for 5 years after my first marriage ended and went to numerous parties solo with a bunch of couples , I actually had a great time, as I knew for a fact that many of those people would have rather been solo instead of with a SO.

Your doing well with IOP You can handle the holidays and Birthday solo if it comes down to that.

You would be found and helped if you were to fall but you would already be getting yourself up off that ground , You are stronger than you think .

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I know this is such a hard hard thing for you to deal with... But do keep in mind you have been improving your life and coping with getting a good handle on yourself.

Would it be nice to have a date that night? Of course ... But I will say I was single for 5 years after my first marriage ended and went to numerous parties solo with a bunch of couples , I actually had a great time, as I knew for a fact that many of those people would have rather been solo instead of with a SO.

Your doing well with IOP You can handle the holidays and Birthday solo if it comes down to that.

You would be found and helped if you were to fall but you would already be getting yourself up off that ground , You are stronger than you think .

It’s just so fn hard and it hurts exponentially.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

It’s just so fn hard and it hurts exponentially.

Nothing on this spinning rock is all that easy if you think about it. I have a great marriage but its like weeding a garden all the time to keep it healthy.
Dont think that by just by meeting someone or finding one is going to make everything fantastic.

Life requires lots of work and your proving that going to IOP.

Dont give up hope.

[ck3416849]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Nothing on this spinning rock is all that easy if you think about it. I have a great marriage but its like weeding a garden all the time to keep it healthy.
Dont think that by just by meeting someone or finding one is going to make everything fantastic.

Life requires lots of work and your proving that going to IOP.

Dont give up hope.

Oh yeah I forgot about the power they stole from the first home in the chamber of commerce building the international space station. Hearing from them now may all in it and near it and working for it go to jail and be charged for being illegal alien, trying to escape the jail system and making more illegal alien by using illegal alien assauallt riffles.

[bioChE]

Originally Posted by ck3416849

Oh yeah I forgot about the power they stole from the first home in the chamber of commerce building the international space station. Hearing from them now may all in it and near it and working for it go to jail and be charged for being illegal alien, trying to escape the jail system and making more illegal alien by using illegal alien assauallt riffles.

......WTF?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by ck3416849

Oh yeah I forgot about the power they stole from the first home in the chamber of commerce building the international space station. Hearing from them now may all in it and near it and working for it go to jail and be charged for being illegal alien, trying to escape the jail system and making more illegal alien by using illegal alien assauallt riffles.

Wha??????

[ck3416849]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Wha??????

Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhaehhhhhjhh screaming

[ck3416849]

Originally Posted by ck3416849

Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhaehhhhhjhh screaming

Aaaaahhhhhaha ah

[ck3416849]

Originally Posted by ck3416849

Aaaaahhhhhaha ah

Me Tarzan you jane

[Faltering]

I'm sorry you're feeling alone. I feel that way often. You will make it through.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by ck3416849

Me Tarzan you jane

Ahhh that explains nothing

[CaminoDeOro]

I really need to figure out my travel plans for the winter holidays so I am not stuck in a city where I have one really solid friend (who is letting me live with her for free) whose toxic mom will be here and then they're gone for 10 days, and there is essentially nobody else I connect with. It will be LESS destabilizing to be sleeping on couches and floors with my broke old friends across the country.

And yeah, situations like the xmas party etc, depending on my state, can cause me to have a hard mood crash. Or to go hypo within 20 minutes of arriving. Yaaay.