Scared to go on meds

Hey Everyone,

I was recently (last 2 months) diagnosed bipolar type 2. They symptoms have always been there, it was just never diagnosed before. The recent diagnosis came from my hypomania being much worse than before. Anyways, I keep going back and forth on if I want to try medication or not. At first my therapist suggested, but I pushed back pretty hard. I'm terrified that going on meds will change me. I know that's sort of the point, but there are certain things that I don't want to change.

Primarily, I'm worried that if I go meds I will stop feeling things as intensely as I currently do. I spent the last two years being relatively flat and it was AWFUL. I remember talking to my husband on several occasions and telling him that I would take sever depression just to feel something. I still had some happy moments and some sad moments, but there was no intensity behind what I felt.

So, What I was hoping to find out was your experiences on meds?

1) Did you still feel things?
2) Did you still get super excited and energetic?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Welcome!

Deciding to go on the medication journey is very personal and a difficult decision to make. In my case it was easy, once I was diagnosed, I really wanted to quit getting arrested. No brainer.

There are so many choices of medications and they really are all wild cards in my experience. It is so trial and error. I am not helping am I?

You said you are scared the meds with change you, not once has this happened to me. In my case it has made me feel more in touch with myself since I was able to tolerate and cope with outside stimulus better.

But yes flat is awful, if this happens though, you change change your meds, easy peasy.

Even though I am on a mood stabilizer I still feel things. I even still experience mania, I can tolerate (even enjoy it) and ride it out better now though.

Also, I have not been arrested in 7 years, YES!

It depends on the medication and the dose. I still feel things just fine but I have been on meds that Took away all my emotions. You just need to find the right med combo that you're happy with. Just my opinion. The decision is totally up to you.

Hey !!! I started on meds in 1987 and while in college talked a lot to my psychiatrist about how it was effecting my performance good and bad and she adjusted til I was doing very well . Everyone is different but the days of medicating for safety alone are gone now they medicate for maximum functioning and health. Good luck I know without meds I have a real difficult roller coaster ride.

I know what you mean by feeling flat and emotionless. That's how I spend most of my days. No one can say for sure how medication will affect you. It depends on the medication, or combination of meds, and on you, the individual.

All meds have side effects too, which is also a consideration esp if you are going to be taking them for a long time. It's totally understandable to be concerned or even anxious about starting to take medication and it is a big decision. Also it can take awhile for meds to have a noticable beneficial effect although some side effects (like drowsiness) kick in right away.

Some people find great relief from meds. You might be one of those people.

I take lithium for BP 2......it is no big deal (at least for me). It makes me forgetful and a little more goofy than normal but I feel OK. I make sure I take it with food, however. It can bother me if I just whack it down with some water.

The downside is that I've lost some of my "edge" that used to drive me to success. But that came with a price - I'd usually crash into a brick wall and take out whoever was within 1000 feet. But I simply adjusted and learned to function with less aggression.

IMO, most important is a sense of self. What I mean is this - don't create an issue that doesn't exist. Sometimes, people talk themselves into something that doesn't exist. It is a tricky balance for sure, but if you stay centered, the medication can help. My violent episodes have been cut down by 90% and I don't drink anymore so that's a huge plus for me.

Not all medications make you feel flat and emotionless. Which meds do? That varies from person to person. As a rule mood stabilizers do it more than APs but as I said it varies from person to person, there's no way to know without trying them. Since you have already experienced flat affect and weren't on any meds you might just as well try meds to see if they help.

I felt flat on depakote. I won’t go back on that med. I feel meds have taken away my personality but that’s more because I have to be on a high dose of antipsychotic. Most of us can get away without a high dose of antipsychotic. I felt fine on abilify but I wouldn’t take it. So we changed it to ones I would take.The zyprexa makes me tired so I’m not as energetic and excited but my former coctail didn’t bother my personality excitement level. I just didn’t go as high/low. I choses less medication than more personality. I’ve been on 5 meds but now I’m on 2. All you can do is try consistently for a set time and see if meds work for you.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts! I still don't know what I'm going to do but it is comforting hearing everyone else's perspective. At dinner I was convinced I would do it and now I'm feeling great and productive again. It is this feeling that I'm scared of losing. I feel wonderful and happy and confident but it isn't quite so intense that I feel overwhelmed by it all. Either way I'm talking to my therapist about it again Friday

It’s a very difficult decision. I was just diagnosed BP 2 this year. I started and stopped 2 different meds (Epival and Seroquel) partly due to side effects but mainly non compliance and denial of diagnosis on my part. I would get worse again with no medication. I still struggle with those things but am now under pdocs care and I’m taking lamotrigine. I’m at 50 mg/ day and notice my mood is starting to stabilize (still have some down, tearful moments but SI and SH thoughts lessened considerably) and I’ve had no negative side effects so far. Increasing slowly up to 200 mg/day.
To answer your questions. At this point I do not feel emotionless and I have still had a few days of productive energy.
Best of luck