[ComfortablyNumb5]

I often hear of people losing friends because they didn’t accept their diagnosis or the persons actions during an episode caused friends to walk away. I can relate to both. Right out of highschool is when I told a very few about my BP they just stopped calling. They avoided me like the plague and still do 12 years later. And then there’s the many relationships that i royally screwed up during all the times I was self medicating and manic. Every night was a blackout and by the morning, I’d hear about the messed up crap I did or said and I’d never hear from that person again. To this day I still think about these old friends and I feel guilt, shame, embarrassment. It will never go away I don’t think.

[UpDownAround]

I don't know if you call this losing friends or not, but I have failed to deepen any friendships in the last thirty or forty years. I only have one close friend that I have known for over 50 years. I know a lot of people and there are a few that are friends, just not close. I blame a lot of that on BP because it alters what others perceive as my personality, which is either a silent brooder or a boastful blowhard. I don't want to be either of those things but I am both.

[Carmina]

I lose friends because I shut people out for long periods when low

[Sunflower123]

I back away from my friendships when I am severely depressed and isolating.

[Wild Coyote]

Many people don't understand my illnesses and do not know what to think.

On the other hand, I have learned to anticipate their distance AND I also distance myself, at times, esp when depressed.

I don't have any major regrets for my behaviors. I have always been kind, probably to a fault.

I love people, I just cannot be there on a regular basis for them.
I definitely cannot do "high maintenance"/stressful relationships.


WC

[Guiness187055]

Originally Posted by Carmina

I lose friends because I shut people out for long periods when low

This I do the same.

[richeyd80]

I went from many friends to one friend. Which is fine with me. My friend is one of my safety contacts and has always answered the phone and his door, no matter the time. It does help that he is a liscensed therapist, but has been like that way before becoming one.

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by Carmina

I lose friends because I shut people out for long periods when low

Ditto. I have a few close friends who understand, but not many.

[99fairies]

I had a lot of "friends" when I was manic for six months. Then when I came out of my mania I got rid of all those friends. Everyone of them was toxic. Now I have no friends but that is best for now.

[Cocosurviving]

I was involved in my local alma mater chapter. I met and made friends with a few ladies. We would go to sport events and fundraisers together. Well I became symptomatic and then diagnosed. I told them and little by little they dropped off. I have since relocated and do not hear from them all together. I made a friend in college. She was the first person I met with bipolar disorder. We were very close. She did not believe in meds and would pick up and leave town. I would not hear from her for months at a time. I would call, text and inbox her on FB....no response. I finally caught up with her last year. I inboxed her on FB again and she replied. She had moved again and had been going through a hard time. I did not want to smoother her so I started contacting her every four or five months. I’ve tried to contact her twice in six months. I texted her on her birthday no reply. I just don’t think I can keep trying. I met another lady at MI group back in 2012. She was a good friend to me. After I relocated we would still stay in contact. I called her three months ago and it was someone else’s number now. I have no clue how to reach her now. I tried FB but she’s not on there. I really miss her. At this point I really don’t want any friends.

[~Christina]

I had many friends when I was working. Once I was unable to I lost friends.

I currently have no irl friends

It’s too hard to have and maintain friendships. It takes a lot of energy, and I’m a different person when I’m up vs. down and anxious.

If honest, I’m bitter about losing some friends. One drifted away when she got a boyfriend. Frankly, I don’t think she would recognize my personality anymore. I’m just down and anxious more than I used to be since my husband passed away.

My most recent friend moved away not long ago. She annoyed me sometimes wanting to go out when I was down. And a hypomanic event freaked her out.

I’m tired of ups and down and how different I feel.

[Pookyl]

I was a workaholic with mainly work friends. I lost them all because I haven't worked since my BP diagnosis 3yrs ago.
My closest female friend died 3 weeks ago and now I can count my friends on one hand. They have varying degrees of tolerance of my BP. I used to be life of the party but I'm just not quite the same person that I was pre BP.

[Tucson]

I lost a wonderful girlfriend back some time ago. I really did hurt her.

[bpforever1]

I have no friends my age. I was a loner while growing up. I had some friends here and there but did not keep any of them. It is no surprise now that I have no friends. My family never welcomed anybody I knew as a friend to our home. Also, I moved around a lot. It was always difficult to make friends in a new place. So I can say that I never made any long-lasting friends before my illness and after my illness. I did get dropped by some acquaintances after disclosing my illness to them. Now I don't disclose my illness to anybody unless I need to do so. But, the result is the same that I have no friends.

it happens almost every day

and it sucks

some people try to hide it.. some people say that you're fine, your illness has nothing to do with it, but watch what happens when it gets too intense for them to handle

All of them

[GoldenSnitch]

I lost most people in my life. Separated from my husband. My best friend stopped talking to me. My mom went long periods without talking to me. I feel very alone in this.

Yes, I lost friends. I was a blast when hypo or manic but I'd go mixed and point out all their faults. Nobody likes that. I have one friend I talk to on the phone and a couple guy friends. Need more women friends. I no longer pick ppl apart like I used to now that I'm properly medicated...

[tecomsin]

I identify with so much of what is written in this thread. I have always had some social anxiety and I know my mood distorts a sense of balance in relationships so it becomes just too difficult (at times) too intense or too depressing at times even though at other times it can be a normal experience.

Also no one really wants to be around a depressed person... At least that is how I see it. People are afraid of the illness yes, and I do think people will pick up that there is something off about me even if I don't talk about my mental health issues, but it is more than that

so unless you are a charmer or have a gift with social skills I think that the ways a bipolar person interacts with other people on the long term tends to be difficult especially if they are introverted to begin with.

[CaminoDeOro]

I've lost friends for reasons related to my behavior and people's ignorance, and I've destroyed new friendships due to my behavior as well.

Had friends do that thing where as soon as you show symptoms, they decide it's contagious and head for the hills. Good riddance.

Had friends pull back in similar ways, and froze them out or burned bridges because I was burned by the kind of friends I just mentioned. Even though these ones were okay. Oops.

Had friends not understand my isolating and hiding when ill and/or take it personal and thus get angry or drift away.

Had new friendships just starting out where I went mixed/hypo and sent the other person running. Those are pretty acutely painful, though the friends I actually wanted who disappeared are what keeps me up at night sometimes.

I have one friend who ghosted me hard almost a decade ago and moved halfway across the country. No goodbye, no explanation, just cessation of contact and gone. I still think about her and wonder. I think her husband might be controlling and did not like it because we were somewhat close.

Nowadays I've been low and isolated so long that I'm pretty feral and am having to ease into learning how to act around people again (not disclose too much, not take over the conversation when I start to get charged from it [I cycle REALLY fast and interacting with people can get me hypo in minutes]). I'm doing this by volunteering at a place where almost everybody is non-typical in some way and thus you really have to work hard to stand out for being unusual. And also keeping up with a gaming night with a bunch of nerds who are also more accepting than many of being a bit odd, although they have been not too interested in me lately and I don't like the game much any more. Yesterday I decided instead of ruminating on it and wasting more effort on them, I will try to find another gaming group.

[icreateidestroy]

I do agree it's hard to foster new relationships. New people I meet in my high phases end up liking my company and I hang out more, like meet up for lunches and dinners, go watch a play or a comedy show together etc. Am more helpful and am generally around when they need me, like giving a helping hand when they are moving homes etc.

In my down phase I am withdrawn, completely avoid meeting people as much as I can, and usually, call in sick or find some other reason to avoid meeting anyone.

That leaves people very confused, and that I am not a consistent with my behavior.

It sucks really.

[emgreen]

More than I care to count. Elaborating would just make me feel like crap, though. I hope you can find peace.

[tecomsin]

For me the isolation is the worst part of BP. It is only recently that I've understood my inability to maintain friendships as part of this illness rather than just my personality.

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

For me the isolation is the worst part of BP. It is only recently that I've understood my inability to maintain friendships as part of this illness rather than just my personality.

Exactly. I'll go through spells when I'll isolate for a few months, not going out or answering the phone. Many times folks I've established friendships with give up on me, & when I emerge from isolation I'm too embarrassed to reestablish contact with those people. There have also been times when I've been on the opposite side of the spectrum & been too wild & out of character. I think this can scare people away, too. Then, & this is a big one, I used to drink to self-medicate & made an arse out of myself more times than I care to think about. I haven't had a drink in many years now & have become more stable on the manic end, but my depressed isolation remains a problem.