Purpose

So for the most part I’ve been doing well since being discharged from iop. Had a few snags but my coping skills have helped. Tonight was my squads Christmas party. I did not attend. For the main part a few people have been criticizing my mental health since it was disclosed. Second I really don’t want to hang out with people I don’t like for criticizing me.

Which somehow led to me thinking of my purpose. My purpose in life. I don’t know what it is. I know I want to resume my mma and workouts. I would also like to fix my issues and eventually get back to the dating scene, but besides these goals, I don’t have purpose. I always thought my purpose was to help others and solve crimes but since that door closed and depression began I really didn’t have purpsoe.

What path do I take?

I don’t really have an answer. I too thought my path was helping people, specifically teens with mental illness, but it turns out I’m not cut out for that because of my own mental illness. I’m about to resign from special education for good and I don’t know where I’ll end up. I feel like my college education will end up going to waste.

Some days I feel like maybe I’ll write a book like I originally intended. Maybe then I’ll help people.

Whatever it is I am sure we will both find our paths in life. It’s never too late. Hang in there, friend. <3

I understand completely, I lost myself a long time ago and I still don't know who or what I am anymore. I'm 47 and feel like I should know myself at my age. Sigh..your not alone in feeling this way. Your a great guy boogie!!

I'm 55 and on disability. I don't have anything I need to do, so even little things like housekeeping gets left behind and I honestly don't know what I'm to do with the rest of my life.

I worked in medical all my life... so that was where I felt I should be and I loved it..

Now being unable to work due to Bipolar and Physical stuff .. I dont know where I fit anymore to be honest.

I think your will just slide into a path that makes you content/happy.. It could be anything

Im so happy that IOP has helped you so much !

I've come to feel that purpose is fluid, it changes and will change. I've accepted this and allow plenty of space. The thing about not knowing a specific purpose is that it opens you up to pursue anything and everything as it comes along. What makes you happy? What sounds good, what would make you feel happy that you've done? That's a purpose. Make a bucket list, start checking it off. That's my purpose, to enjoy everything and anything I desire to. Life is short and time being stable is also limited. Find joys, I try not to limit myself to one thing and miss out on everything else.

Just a personal opinion, some people may want only one purpose. It's not for me I guess. I've done the whole one purpose thing and all it brought was regrets.

Wish you luck in all that you do, whatever path that may be.

Why do you think that you are destined to have an overarching purpose?

At best, we stumble around our experiences and expectations and do what we can, what we must, to find temporary love and lovers until they take their love or we discard them and their love.

The goal is to find a better love before we die.

I think u should keep crushing your MMA, workouts and working on your issues. In 6 months to a year u will be a new person and u can enter dating scene.

You mentioned u want to go to Thailand for training I do believe. Cant u set that as a purpose and do it in a year or so?

Along doing the above a lot of opportunities can come up and your true destiny can be revealed, but u wont have the chance if u go backwards so u must just keep focusing on getting better in both body and mind.

Im only 80 days sober and out of major depression and Ive had stunning results. Im not out of the woods, but I have a new direction that Im taking it slow, but Im already seeing many purposes in my life including helping others fight the addiction that destroys so many lives.

U are doing great Boogie, just imagine how much better u will be in 3 months and can reevaluate things more deeply.

Maybe you are not where u want to be but you are incredibly helpful and valuable here for so many people. I was a lurker here for many years before I started posting and remember seeing how insightful and motivating your posts were.

One of your purposes is probably throwing ropes to other people and one day it will manifest in a more tangible form.

Thx man. Feel like your post will give me accountability. Thailand kinda want to do an active vacation. Train few times, check out a fight, beaches and James Bond islands. Kayaking and hiking.

Congrats on 80 days sober and out of depression. Glad you are doing better.

I was officially granted disability status in 2002 but was unable to get benefits until 2003. I Was 44-years-old. For almost two years I attempted to build a ‘home.’ But I wasn’t able to do it. Plenty of comfortable room and fine furniture and cheese knives and heavy silver can’t make a home. I have been free of institutions for over 5-years.

I am now 59, even more disabled, and - do you know - I don’t think much on what I will do for the remainder of my life.

Housekeeping. I have a caregiver with me 3-4 times a week. I’m a slob, really, (no, I’m no slob; I try and often fail to accomplish one task or the other - and it turns into a mess; I am not a slob, but I can be needy and, yes, I am messy sometimes). So, my caregiver and I have a strange symbiosis - I do the little that I can do and my caregiver will put things back in place.

This talk of purpose, reason for living, talk of ‘what to do’?

I’m saying ‘yes’ to any experience, now. I’m forging new ways to expand my acquaintances. I’m youthful, once again, just much, much slower these days.

I think - strictly my opinion - that at 55-years-old you welcome new experiences and engage with more, less or different people. Gather your experiences and your friends maybe, oh, annually and take to heart these things and create and open another year in which you’ll arrange your values and needs in new and different ways.

What to do? Be as open as possible with others, with those who know mental illness and what we do and why and the rapid cycling, that overpowering mania and the dirty dregs of major depression. Oh, yes, I was in that ‘major depressive disorder with psychotic features’ coffin for almost two decades, with only occasional manic symptoms. Now I’m am much more manic. Much more and for much longer.

Bill Maher had mixed feelings about reaching 60-years of age. Now, at 62(?), he will point out that he and all of his guests are 60+. Most people 60 or over is thinking of ‘retirement’ and ‘death.’ Our generation - we baby-boomers - we planned and saved for retirement at 65-years-old so that we could have a beach-front property somewhere in the Caribbean. Or the Gulf.

And we pre-paid our funeral and burial costs. Too many dying between 62 and 72. Making it to mid-fifties should call for a decade-long-party to celebrate the (what we always thought would be) the age of retirement.

I must say that I genuinely do not believe that I will make it to 65. I’ll never reach retirement age. I’m on borrowed time now! I am 59-years-old. In less than one year I will be 60 and 60 is old. I believe - just a hunch - that I will die within my 62nd year.

Could you arrange for, and afford, a twice-weekly housekeeper?

Keeping a tidy home - no need for perfection - usually will make you feel better. It might inspire you. Who knows? At 55 you have a wealth of experiences past whilst responding to current and future experiences.

55-years-old. It ain’t a prison.

I lived in Thailand for 3 months and is awesome. You wont regret it and maybe u will meet someone there. Would be an incredible vacation and have to work up too for so many reasons. I think our diseases crumble when we set strong goals that have great rewards, but really have to work hard and stay focused!

Thanks man, love it and I cant turn back. I gained so much weight and time the thought of going backwards is extremely unappealing and will do anything to stay out of depression and being so unhealthy.

It took a lot of work to get to 80 days, but worth it and looking forward to turning up the effort in 2018.