[emgreen]

I just got out of a therapy appointment in which I mentioned the symptoms of my depression lately (nothing new to most of us, so I'll spare you the details). The bottom line is everything seems out of balance & I'm having very dark thoughts. On the one hand, it would have been a relief to unburden myself, but I'll never go to the hospital again. If I were to share my thoughts with my therapist she'd petition me...she did it in the past, so I don't trust her in that regard. I trust her in general, but don't fully trust my freedom with anyone in authority right now. I fear I've alienated a lot of people with my isolation & inertia. My girlfriend is even pissed off at me...I've not been carrying my weight around the house...I've been sleeping too much. I don't know what to do except whine here.

[Fuzzybear]

I don’t think of posting as “whining”. I definitely understand the issue re a therapist ..

[~Christina]

I got lucky I had a T that wasnt all OMG YOU NEED TO GO IP RIGHT NOW

I hope your feeling better soon , go easy on yourself holidays are stressful

[scatterbrained04]

Hugs my friend. Sorry you are struggling right now. Feel free to send PMs if you need to vent.

[HALLIEBETH87]

i am so so with my therapist. he is pro work this out OUTpatient but he told me once that if he thought i needed to go he would "put me there" and that really scared me.

[bluemountains]

I am there with you, so I completely understand. It is so hard when you realize you have to set up boundaries with your t. My t says that she can't trust me at times because I talk out of both sides, whatever that means. It is just my way of reasoning, I talk things through, but not anymore. Not with the threat of calls to my pdoc, my husband, or the worst-ip.
If whining here helps some, we're here!
Bluemountains

[emgreen]

I forgot to add that after my appointment with my T, I called & left a message saying I was in a bad space. When she called back, I said I was in a bad space (having thoughts of sui), but when she asked if I was safe, I said, "Yes." That's a form of manipulation. Because I was afraid of being petitioned, I was putting my T in an awkward position (it felt like a form of emotional manipulation.) I have had vivid plans for sui from time to time since the depression kicked in bad, but I'll never go to the hospital again...especially against my will. I'm puzzled, once again, about how I talk about my issues without feeling like I'm being evasive or emotionally manipulative.

[Vaporeon]

Would your therapist be willing to write a safety contract, in which you agree to stay safe and list some coping skills as well as phone numbers to reach people who could help if you needed it? I'm just wondering if by signing this contract, you'd be able to talk more freely about your mood and the SI without having your therapist call 911 on you.

[tecomsin]

It happened in life that not only would my therapist call to have me taken in, but my neighbors would too, regularly and repeatedly, which only contributed to my paranoia and lack of trust in what is called mental health care. i do trust my pdoc but even then I consider every word carefully and avoid issues unless it meets some kind of cost benefit analysis

I do appreciate your feeling that you will never accept being taken in again. I see it as a fundamental intrusion into basic human rights that one cannot speak one's mind. I also think it is a problem that rears its head into more than a few patient's lives, the strong light of authoritarian control of a thought police

I would try to talk to your therapist not about the sui but about, in general, what you are feeling now about the situation re: what you feel safe talking about and your views about being petitioned

well, my view, is that many people don't realize the long term cost of taking people in against their will, and the loss of trust in health care.

It's not like they do such a great job of taking care of people and helping them feel better, to improve their own lives, etc.

Sorry you are in a bad place. I am too. We can all try to help each other through these times.

If it helps to vent, then vent.

[Guiness187055]

Maybe you should contact your pdoc. Your meds may need a slight overhaul.