[brokenandalone1234]

I have been off my bipolar medication for going on 2 years now due to lack of insurance. I have insurance but it doesn't cover mental health treatment at all and I cannot afford to see a doctor to get the medication I need. Over the course of 2 two years my rapid cycling has gotten worse. I have gotten so bad that I have done things to my fiance that I am ashamed of. I have beat him to the point that I am surprised I didn't kill him because he was going in and out of consiences. Just recently I hit him with a shoe in the leg he broke a long time ago to the point that he complains almost 2 weeks later that it still hurts. Please do not judge me I know I have been an abusive ***** to him and I do not deserve him. I want to get help for my bipolar but without insurance that covers this I cannot afford. HELP ME I do not know what to do or where to turn for help.

[Victoria'smom]

I don't know where you live but there is county mental health that are sliding scale. There is medication on the generic list of many pharmacies there's also discount/free meds from name brand corporations. You NEED to call around and find a sliding scale center tomorrow. Even if it's in a city far away it's worth the drive. You can't live like this. I would suggest next time you explode you go to the hospital because you are a danger to him. It maybe best to split and focus on getting help and getting stable.

[Nammu]

BP alone is not to blame for that kind of abuse, get yourself anger management before you end up in jail.

[laracroft3]

Seriously be sure to look at all of your options. You need to get out of this situation as soon as possible.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Nammu

BP alone is not to blame for that kind of abuse, get yourself anger management before you end up in jail.

I agree with Nammu. You are in need of anger management skills.
That said, you likely also need some help with bipolar illness. Miguel's Mom made a great suggestion.

Please take care of yourself and others by refraining from assaulting anyone. Otherwise, you are clearly a danger to others and using poor judgment for yourself.

Be safe.

WC

[bioChE]

If you’re beating someone (anyone) to the point of unconsciousness, you need jail rather than a doctor. Don’t blame your bipolar for domestic abuse, and don’t confuse the two.

You asked us not to judge, but that’s not a get out of jail free card. You can’t blame bipolar for being an abusive bltch like you say, and I tend to get angry when someone doesn’t have the clarity of thought to differentiate. It is a criminal act. Multiple ones, and he should be calling the cops after he leaves you.

I’m not saying you don’t have bipolar. But if you’re a danger to others (which you obviously are), you can go to the ER and they’ll admit you to the nearest psych unit. You’ll see a doctor and get scripts if warranted. They’ll help you work up a plan for post-discharge and let you know what resources are available for someone in your situation.

First of all I agree with everything said so far.

I am the child of a father who beat the living daylights out of my mom. As in she went to the hospital while he went to jail. I have PTSD from that and am a victim of it.

If you love him, let him go. Every time you hit him (or use nasty language assuming you do) you are breaking him a little more. Domestic abuse survivors are forever changed. If you care about him truly, break up with him

Then get yourself help. If you want to change, there is always a way. Knock on every door, walk every street, call every number and don't give up. If you want it bad enough, you can achieve it. Bipolar meds may help, but I doubt they are the entire solution. There is so much more going on here.

If you get help and then you want to try to persue a relationship, great. As it stands you shouldn't be in one. Please please make a change before he is completely broken.

[~Christina]

I do hope you reach out for help with Bipolar and your anger... Being in a relationship right now is just wrong.. Im surprised he hasnt left you to be honest .. This isnt judging this is just a reality check for you.

You need help and can find it if you want to change bad enough.

Good luck